Dec 01, 2004 02:34
Many people would argue that 2:30 is the time to be asleep for a man with a 9AM class.
Many people would claim that I will be tired when I wake up tomorrow.
Many people would look upon me and see torture, pain and much thought.
And many people would be right.
Pain is second nature to people, it's the reason comfort looks so good. When nothing makes us suffer, we don't feel complete, when we are totally happy with life, it isn't long before we are looking again to find a new happiness. But if we live with intervals of pain, then the comfort is always enough.
Depression, it claws at the heart and the inside of eyes. It makes you feel like everything is wrong, when really only small things are.
Self-evaluation, it never leaves you as satisfactory, we are our own worst judges. We make ourselves out to be horrid beings, when in all reality, we really aren't that bad.
Humour, it's how we deal with pain, by covering it up and laughing.
I'm laughing at you right now, you feel sorry for me, you are worried about me. I'm laughing hysterically, right at you, in your face. I'm dealing with my pain.
Everyone dies. Life is 100% fatal, no one ever makes it out alive. Why live life with a desire for pain, why cry, why hurt, why care? Laugh, cover it over and laugh. Everyone else does, everything else is laughing at you, so why don't you laugh too.
Tears are very simple things, they are salt water.
Why is it then, that they mean so damned much?
Bleeding knuckles, welts on the fist, a stinging that isn't really painful, but ever present.
Laughter fading into darkness, the darkness that hides everything. There's nothing in darkness but yourself, you can't see anything but yourself. The darkness hides the fake us from us, it lets us see what we really are. There's nothing to keep you company in the darkness but yourself.
Living with monsters, often people fear becoming a monster when they live with monsters. I fear finding out that I was always a monster and never knew it.
I'm laughing again, I'm smirking and chuckling. If you only knew what I know. Even if I sound crazy, I KNOW things. I KNOW things I don't think you know, I feel things I don't think you feel. There's here and there is there.
I'm here, everyone else is there.
You can't know what I am, you'll never understand who I am, you'll never feel what I feel or see what I see. You'll never laugh like I laugh. Because I'm real. More real than I want to be, I'm legit, I'm me.
Laughing in the dark