(no subject)
this is my first entry since may of last year.
i've been toying with the idea of just letting this journal die but i've always hated goodbyes.
i am always wishing that at the last minute the dying thing will be revived and there is no conclusion.
i have changed so much in the last year. looking back on my entries is a shock to my system. did i really say that? was that really what i was thinking? it's strange. but it's also nice to know that i am growing and, whether other people notice it or believe it or not, refusing to stay stagnant.
the most amazing change i see in myself these days is the ability to work hard and enjoy the benefits. not cash, not stuff, but knowing that i work hard to make things easier for others. and that somewhere along the line someone else will work hard to make my life easier. growing up in my generation, there is this big expectation of instant karma. you forget that sometimes the only satisfaction is seeing a smile on someone else's face. and perhaps you won't even see that smile instantly. there is no patience, no ability to adapt, no sacrifice or compromise. and these are things i see VALUED among a lot of "adults" my age. it's thought to be wise to not give in, brave and revolutionary even. you get what you want, when you want it. under no one elses terms. it makes me sad. it also worries me; maybe i'm too old fashioned? i probably won't last long if i keep refusing to give into selfishness.
i don't even know if anyone will read this, but for the first time in the few years that i've had the livejournal, i don't care. it's not a status symbol so much as a comfort zone. a virtual security blanket that you can scribble your thoughts onto. i like the sound of that. ;)
<3
i've been toying with the idea of just letting this journal die but i've always hated goodbyes.
i am always wishing that at the last minute the dying thing will be revived and there is no conclusion.
i have changed so much in the last year. looking back on my entries is a shock to my system. did i really say that? was that really what i was thinking? it's strange. but it's also nice to know that i am growing and, whether other people notice it or believe it or not, refusing to stay stagnant.
the most amazing change i see in myself these days is the ability to work hard and enjoy the benefits. not cash, not stuff, but knowing that i work hard to make things easier for others. and that somewhere along the line someone else will work hard to make my life easier. growing up in my generation, there is this big expectation of instant karma. you forget that sometimes the only satisfaction is seeing a smile on someone else's face. and perhaps you won't even see that smile instantly. there is no patience, no ability to adapt, no sacrifice or compromise. and these are things i see VALUED among a lot of "adults" my age. it's thought to be wise to not give in, brave and revolutionary even. you get what you want, when you want it. under no one elses terms. it makes me sad. it also worries me; maybe i'm too old fashioned? i probably won't last long if i keep refusing to give into selfishness.
i don't even know if anyone will read this, but for the first time in the few years that i've had the livejournal, i don't care. it's not a status symbol so much as a comfort zone. a virtual security blanket that you can scribble your thoughts onto. i like the sound of that. ;)
<3