Post 048: So there goes my life, passing by with every exit sign
Hello again. It has been a while, let me tell ya.
I found out some super awesome news: apparently Dave was cheating on me, or had cheated once, or something, while we were dating. I kinda wish he'd had the balls to tell me himself, or that Alex had some fucking stones and would've stood up for me and at least mentioned that Dave was dating one of his pretty good friends (I mean, I like to pretend that five or six years of friendship means something, but maybe not!) before he just went off and fucked his ex, but hey what do I know. And it's not like I'm any better, morally speaking, considering what I did with someone else's boyfriend weeks later. It just... bothers me that neither of them decided to man up and fucking tell the truth. In four fucking months.
I wasn't particularly emotionally invested, but that kind of hurts. I don't blame Randi for not telling me before, because we weren't super close back then, and Alex would've been all pissy if she'd told me and well loyalty to your significant other and all that shit.
But yeah, so I had my first driving lesson in the car today. It went quite well I think. I need more practice before I'll be even close to ready to pass the G2 but I've got a couple weeks before my next lesson (don't get me started on this shit-tastic schedule... the school I went to is absolutely fucking ridiculous. Not calling me for fucking months when I'd leave messages all the fucking time... arrrrrgh) so I've got some time to get some shit down like checking properly over my shoulder when lane changing or passing somebody and all that.
I've basically been watching all the episodes of Dexter that are currently on DVD (sooo seasons 1 and 2, haha) and I fucking love this show, seriously. I also WoW a lot; I'm pretty fuckin' cool like that. I work sometimes, which sucks, but y'know a girl has got to eat, and if she doesn't work she'll end up on the street. That's terrible, not a life without love. I can do without syrupy sentiment and flowery shit-for-brains people just looking for something to make their lives feel less empty. Uhh, I get intoxicated fairly regularly (twice a week, sometimes more if I'm not broke). Went to a party at a friend from work's place the other day, which was okay except for the hangover -must remember that beer, then tequila, then screwdrivers, then more tequila, then weed just isn't a good fucking idea unless I'm looking to be in pain for the better part of the next day. It was so bad my fucking kidneys hurt. I must be getting old. Oh well at least I don't do blow, or crack, like half of my fucking town. City. Whatever.
I've been thinking that if I go back to school I'll have to stay here to do it. Like do Trent at Durham or whatever the fuck it is over there. There's Durham and UOIT and fuckin' whatever Trent campus shit they have going on there, and maybe something else? I dunno. It's not like I can even afford to go back to school here, let alone in another city where I'll have to pay more for rent and food on top of school and my previous debt. I just feel like giving up a lot of the time.
Speaking of giving up, what the fuck doctor's office closes at like 5pm every day of the week and possibly isn't even open weekends? Bullshit I tell you. Jesus Mary and Joseph on a bicycle built for three, I can't sneak into fucking Pickering at noon. For one thing I'd have to explain how (and why) I was up before 2pm. And I really just don't want to deal with my mother asking questions about my mental health. Not like she fucking cared before, not after she thought it was "fixed". After one fucking appointment with her psych? Not bleeding likely.
I'd like to see if I could censor myself and not pepper my speech (and writing) with curses.
That's about as likely as the moon crashing into Earth tomorrow, let's be honest. I hope it doesn't happen because if there's an after-life whoever runs the shit will probably make me do it.
Anyway, I'm still not entirely well (it has been three fucking weeks of this bollocks) so I should probably go to sleep.
I'll probably WoW until 3am, but at least I had good intentions. Gotta count for something right?
Goodnight,
Bee
I found out some super awesome news: apparently Dave was cheating on me, or had cheated once, or something, while we were dating. I kinda wish he'd had the balls to tell me himself, or that Alex had some fucking stones and would've stood up for me and at least mentioned that Dave was dating one of his pretty good friends (I mean, I like to pretend that five or six years of friendship means something, but maybe not!) before he just went off and fucked his ex, but hey what do I know. And it's not like I'm any better, morally speaking, considering what I did with someone else's boyfriend weeks later. It just... bothers me that neither of them decided to man up and fucking tell the truth. In four fucking months.
I wasn't particularly emotionally invested, but that kind of hurts. I don't blame Randi for not telling me before, because we weren't super close back then, and Alex would've been all pissy if she'd told me and well loyalty to your significant other and all that shit.
But yeah, so I had my first driving lesson in the car today. It went quite well I think. I need more practice before I'll be even close to ready to pass the G2 but I've got a couple weeks before my next lesson (don't get me started on this shit-tastic schedule... the school I went to is absolutely fucking ridiculous. Not calling me for fucking months when I'd leave messages all the fucking time... arrrrrgh) so I've got some time to get some shit down like checking properly over my shoulder when lane changing or passing somebody and all that.
I've basically been watching all the episodes of Dexter that are currently on DVD (sooo seasons 1 and 2, haha) and I fucking love this show, seriously. I also WoW a lot; I'm pretty fuckin' cool like that. I work sometimes, which sucks, but y'know a girl has got to eat, and if she doesn't work she'll end up on the street. That's terrible, not a life without love. I can do without syrupy sentiment and flowery shit-for-brains people just looking for something to make their lives feel less empty. Uhh, I get intoxicated fairly regularly (twice a week, sometimes more if I'm not broke). Went to a party at a friend from work's place the other day, which was okay except for the hangover -must remember that beer, then tequila, then screwdrivers, then more tequila, then weed just isn't a good fucking idea unless I'm looking to be in pain for the better part of the next day. It was so bad my fucking kidneys hurt. I must be getting old. Oh well at least I don't do blow, or crack, like half of my fucking town. City. Whatever.
I've been thinking that if I go back to school I'll have to stay here to do it. Like do Trent at Durham or whatever the fuck it is over there. There's Durham and UOIT and fuckin' whatever Trent campus shit they have going on there, and maybe something else? I dunno. It's not like I can even afford to go back to school here, let alone in another city where I'll have to pay more for rent and food on top of school and my previous debt. I just feel like giving up a lot of the time.
Speaking of giving up, what the fuck doctor's office closes at like 5pm every day of the week and possibly isn't even open weekends? Bullshit I tell you. Jesus Mary and Joseph on a bicycle built for three, I can't sneak into fucking Pickering at noon. For one thing I'd have to explain how (and why) I was up before 2pm. And I really just don't want to deal with my mother asking questions about my mental health. Not like she fucking cared before, not after she thought it was "fixed". After one fucking appointment with her psych? Not bleeding likely.
I'd like to see if I could censor myself and not pepper my speech (and writing) with curses.
That's about as likely as the moon crashing into Earth tomorrow, let's be honest. I hope it doesn't happen because if there's an after-life whoever runs the shit will probably make me do it.
Anyway, I'm still not entirely well (it has been three fucking weeks of this bollocks) so I should probably go to sleep.
I'll probably WoW until 3am, but at least I had good intentions. Gotta count for something right?
Goodnight,
Bee