I think I'm kinda gonna miss living in Edwardsville...
Alright, so I know that the whole reason I am even in the mess I am in, is my own fault and no one elses, all I had to do was Oh go to school and do my work... It wasn't that hard... And so lately I'm feeling pretty disappointed in myself for being such a loser...
I just went to the gasstation to get ciggs... And it kinda just made me a bit more sad to be leaving, I am going to have to save up money so I can find a place in Edwardsville of my own... because I really do like it here... I have gotten to know my way around fairly well, I feel at home here... which is more than I can say for a lot of places, including my own HOME..... And there are several establishments of which I am a regular, and I like the feeling of people knowing me when I come in ya know.... Like I went in to get my ciggs, and the one boy that is always there, told the other guy *who i begged for smirnoff one night after midnight* to card me >teasingly< but they both see me so often between getting ciggs and smirnoff they know me... and anyways it amused me...
and I'm kinda bummed out, cuz I don't wanna be a bum living on tim and kristy's couch, even though kristy told me yesterday- i can stay for as long as i need to..... cuz she likes me... But still I just wish I had grown up a little bit more in my life before I got to this point...............
I must admit I have improved my life on so many levels in the past couple years, the last year especially..... but it makes me sad that I have not grown up on other levels..... The next few months are going to be quite a test... I need to work on a lot of areas of my life right now... I'm 21, and have so little to show for my 21 years... at least very little positive accomplishments... and this makes me feel like quite the loser....
There are so many things I have done in my life, that when I look back on them, I think wow how did I get HERE.... So many things that I have done- that at one point in my life I NEVER would have thought I would have done.......... and so many things I wish I HAD accomplished and have not yet done....
Ah, nevermind, I must get back to cleaning... and whatnot... But I just had a burst of many emotions... and not many good ones... and I had to vent a bit, because I am feeling quite sad, and frankly I think I'm a bit of a loser right now. O_o
I just went to the gasstation to get ciggs... And it kinda just made me a bit more sad to be leaving, I am going to have to save up money so I can find a place in Edwardsville of my own... because I really do like it here... I have gotten to know my way around fairly well, I feel at home here... which is more than I can say for a lot of places, including my own HOME..... And there are several establishments of which I am a regular, and I like the feeling of people knowing me when I come in ya know.... Like I went in to get my ciggs, and the one boy that is always there, told the other guy *who i begged for smirnoff one night after midnight* to card me >teasingly< but they both see me so often between getting ciggs and smirnoff they know me... and anyways it amused me...
and I'm kinda bummed out, cuz I don't wanna be a bum living on tim and kristy's couch, even though kristy told me yesterday- i can stay for as long as i need to..... cuz she likes me... But still I just wish I had grown up a little bit more in my life before I got to this point...............
I must admit I have improved my life on so many levels in the past couple years, the last year especially..... but it makes me sad that I have not grown up on other levels..... The next few months are going to be quite a test... I need to work on a lot of areas of my life right now... I'm 21, and have so little to show for my 21 years... at least very little positive accomplishments... and this makes me feel like quite the loser....
There are so many things I have done in my life, that when I look back on them, I think wow how did I get HERE.... So many things that I have done- that at one point in my life I NEVER would have thought I would have done.......... and so many things I wish I HAD accomplished and have not yet done....
Ah, nevermind, I must get back to cleaning... and whatnot... But I just had a burst of many emotions... and not many good ones... and I had to vent a bit, because I am feeling quite sad, and frankly I think I'm a bit of a loser right now. O_o