(no subject)
i havent written i a while, i just wanted to check in. I have some new projects, life goals i am trying to get done. Its so much harder than i thought. i really need to sit down and make a list.
Schools going well, the class sizes are small and i dont have any "out of control" groups this year. I mean i am able to be a better leader, and a more organized teacher, thats always good.
With my anxiety, i have been trying to just ride the waves. Control it with my brain instead of always being afraid of my own fear. I catch myself having thoughts that usually cycle me into heavy vibrations, and i just stop them. Usually to think about sex or men i've always wanted to sleep with. My sex drive is the only thing strong enought to kill the anxous drive.
i had an amazing dinner with Alex and Nina on friday, it was the highlight of my day- week! To sit, eat pasta and drink wine, laugh and tell stories, thats what i live form. My grandfather would gather neighbors and relatives in our family resturaunt, and do the same thing. Only he could sing and play the guitar, he would entain for everybody. My friends, the food and wine made me feel at home, it was special to me.
I had a halucination last night. Henry was barking and i woke up and saw her floating infront of my head. She was running in place like someone was holding her belly. I reached to grab her but she was inmaterial. i reached right through her. She dissappeared and then i began calling her, she ran into the room and jumped on my lap. Woa. that was scary.
I dont study enought of my Italian! I am trying to learn italian, but after i come home and cook dinner i'm waisted. i dont know how to fix that....
for now all i can say is ciao...
jason
Schools going well, the class sizes are small and i dont have any "out of control" groups this year. I mean i am able to be a better leader, and a more organized teacher, thats always good.
With my anxiety, i have been trying to just ride the waves. Control it with my brain instead of always being afraid of my own fear. I catch myself having thoughts that usually cycle me into heavy vibrations, and i just stop them. Usually to think about sex or men i've always wanted to sleep with. My sex drive is the only thing strong enought to kill the anxous drive.
i had an amazing dinner with Alex and Nina on friday, it was the highlight of my day- week! To sit, eat pasta and drink wine, laugh and tell stories, thats what i live form. My grandfather would gather neighbors and relatives in our family resturaunt, and do the same thing. Only he could sing and play the guitar, he would entain for everybody. My friends, the food and wine made me feel at home, it was special to me.
I had a halucination last night. Henry was barking and i woke up and saw her floating infront of my head. She was running in place like someone was holding her belly. I reached to grab her but she was inmaterial. i reached right through her. She dissappeared and then i began calling her, she ran into the room and jumped on my lap. Woa. that was scary.
I dont study enought of my Italian! I am trying to learn italian, but after i come home and cook dinner i'm waisted. i dont know how to fix that....
for now all i can say is ciao...
jason