Loved?
*from my very personal blog at http://viskan.bloggar.is *
I have sometimes wondered if I really should just do whatever I want and worrie later I have always kept everyone elses wellbeing befor mine, even now I have been doubtful about moving to England because Elísa my youngest sister is going to be really sad, she is so afraid that I will leave and NEVER come back... she knows better but she is so afraid that I won't... if I will have an accident or something... I understand her fear and sweet enough it's shared with my stepfather...
I love my stepfather, mother, siblings and friends... but this time I have to do things for my own good... I have to live MY life and let MY dreams come true... those of you that know me for real know that my heart doesn't belong here in England... it's far away... a piece of it will always be with Elísa but she is the one that has kept me alive through the hard times...
I have to start thinking about myself and do what is best for me... what is best so I will be happy, so I can be just myself and not always let the bad things get to me... I can't do this to myself all the time... I love Iceland but it's in a way like a prison, it's not a prison at the moment because I have a ticket out of the country, I have a flight leaving in 111 days in 7.40 in the morning... there is if the flight isn't getting delayed.
I have a life outside of Iceland, I have friends all over the world... most of them are in England that is true... but I also have some in Finland, USA, Austria... they are there for me and I am there for them... if they want to talk I am only a message away.
What fears me more then doctors and dentist is that I will loose a friend and that's something I am not willing to let happen... I have very good friends and I intend to keep them for as long as I can.
I have lost enough.
Old friends have been contacting me the last months again, I have doubts about some of them because I have been burned, I don't like it when I get screwed over and it's expected that I forgive without asking any questions...
I have in the last month explored more sides of me then I thought I would be able to find, some sides I thought were forever gone... but with some help they were brought back, it wasn't even hard to find them... just needed the right persons to do so... Thank You... You know who You are...
The life I want to live isn't just a far away dream, it really isn't I just have to give it a chance to really happen, I have to remember not to be constantly afraid of taking the chances I need to take... perhaps there are opsticles but I have to overcome them... just as I have to in other aspects of my life.
I have decided not to just give up on my dreams like I have done so often before... I have never fought as hard for what I want as I am doing now, I am not about to let the past get to me and tell me that I am about to do a mistake because I am not, I should do what I want and I should live my life.
The best things that have happined to me are the worst... they have made me the person I am today and that's a person I'm proud off... I can admit that there are a few flaws about me that I WILL get fixed but I am not about to let everything drag me down and get me sad! I will fight for what I am and I will fight for the person I will become with the help of those that care for me and I care for...
I will never stand alone I know that...
With all the care in my heart...
Sveina
I have sometimes wondered if I really should just do whatever I want and worrie later I have always kept everyone elses wellbeing befor mine, even now I have been doubtful about moving to England because Elísa my youngest sister is going to be really sad, she is so afraid that I will leave and NEVER come back... she knows better but she is so afraid that I won't... if I will have an accident or something... I understand her fear and sweet enough it's shared with my stepfather...
I love my stepfather, mother, siblings and friends... but this time I have to do things for my own good... I have to live MY life and let MY dreams come true... those of you that know me for real know that my heart doesn't belong here in England... it's far away... a piece of it will always be with Elísa but she is the one that has kept me alive through the hard times...
I have to start thinking about myself and do what is best for me... what is best so I will be happy, so I can be just myself and not always let the bad things get to me... I can't do this to myself all the time... I love Iceland but it's in a way like a prison, it's not a prison at the moment because I have a ticket out of the country, I have a flight leaving in 111 days in 7.40 in the morning... there is if the flight isn't getting delayed.
I have a life outside of Iceland, I have friends all over the world... most of them are in England that is true... but I also have some in Finland, USA, Austria... they are there for me and I am there for them... if they want to talk I am only a message away.
What fears me more then doctors and dentist is that I will loose a friend and that's something I am not willing to let happen... I have very good friends and I intend to keep them for as long as I can.
I have lost enough.
Old friends have been contacting me the last months again, I have doubts about some of them because I have been burned, I don't like it when I get screwed over and it's expected that I forgive without asking any questions...
I have in the last month explored more sides of me then I thought I would be able to find, some sides I thought were forever gone... but with some help they were brought back, it wasn't even hard to find them... just needed the right persons to do so... Thank You... You know who You are...
The life I want to live isn't just a far away dream, it really isn't I just have to give it a chance to really happen, I have to remember not to be constantly afraid of taking the chances I need to take... perhaps there are opsticles but I have to overcome them... just as I have to in other aspects of my life.
I have decided not to just give up on my dreams like I have done so often before... I have never fought as hard for what I want as I am doing now, I am not about to let the past get to me and tell me that I am about to do a mistake because I am not, I should do what I want and I should live my life.
The best things that have happined to me are the worst... they have made me the person I am today and that's a person I'm proud off... I can admit that there are a few flaws about me that I WILL get fixed but I am not about to let everything drag me down and get me sad! I will fight for what I am and I will fight for the person I will become with the help of those that care for me and I care for...
I will never stand alone I know that...
With all the care in my heart...
Sveina