Identity - Chapter One
"I need your help."
These were the first words that Reid offered to Morgan as he crossed the threshold into the older man's home, bypassing Morgan without asking to come in first. Morgan felt a thrill of worry climb his spinal column - the unease that radiated off of his coworker was an abnormal amount even for Reid. Doing a quick mental check of his observations of Reid the last few days, he couldn't help but feel concerned. While he'd noticed something was going on with his friend, he made a point to step back and wait for Reid to come to him - if it was going to surface at all. Brooding wasn't like Reid, not in this amount - and Reid had been skipping social interaction more than typical, hanging back to gather his thoughts on cases that were already signed and sealed. Everyone did it from time to time, but the way that Reid's eyes never quite met Morgan's had tipped him off.
"All right, what's going on?"
Morgan closed the door, watching Spencer turn and pace across the mocha carpeting. Clooney was at his side, step for step, the long-haired, mostly-white mixed breed looking sweetly anxious. Reid's hands were shaking. Morgan tracked the tiny quakes with his eyes, suppressing the urge to go over and seize those long fingers and draw them to his chest. Whatever was on Reid's mind was about to come tumbling from those lips and Morgan took a breath to steady himself for it. He knew about the dilaudid from a previous conversation they'd had late one night, and he hoped against hope that Reid wasn't about to confess a relapse.
He was about to open his mouth and press for more answers when Reid stopped dead in the middle of the carpet, shoulders rigid. After a painful second, he muttered something that Morgan didn't quite hear.
"Reid.." Morgan started, but Reid seemed to know that Morgan hadn't heard him the first time.
He started up again with the pacing, edging on jumpy, and flung out the words before he could swallow them. "I'm a virgin."
The words hit the air with a dull thud and Derek's mind was sent reeling. It wasn't something he'd ever considered about his friend before. The matter of sexuality, yes, but sexual experience...? He'd figured it wasn't any of his business - and still wasn't quite sure how it was. Still, he forced himself to respond despite the slight confusion that edged his tone. "...All right. And what has this got to do with me, Reid?"
"You know about sex, you have experience that books can't give me and I..." As Reid took a shuddering breath to compose himself, on the verge of a panic attack, Derek was unsure approaching and telling the kid to sit down before he fainted was a brilliant idea. By the look of Reid, he would jump straight into sheer panic at the first movement Morgan made. He waited it out, impatient as his over protective drives were causing him to feel - and he thoroughly shunned the part of him that was pleased to hear Reid was a virgin.
Minutes ticked by before, finally, Spencer broke the silence. "I think something's wrong with me, man."
If nothing else had before, that made Morgan break the ice. "There's nothing wrong with you, Reid. Plenty of people are virgins - it doesn't mean a thing."
"That's not... it's more complicated than that, Morgan, it's - I don't - I'm not interested in sex."
"And that's okay, too. You have a lot going on, but that doesn't mean it won't happen for you some day, man. I know you, you can really work that brain of yours to get a girl - or guy -" he added, not too hastily, trying to keep his tone unbiased. Spencer's sexual orientation didn't matter to him other than being a potential cincher for a fantasy he'd had brewing years now. " - any time you like. I promise. You don't have to live your life to anyone else's specifications other than your own. Take your time, there's no rush, Reid."
"Morgan you don't understand. I've kissed people, women... a few guys, hell, I've even been full-out groped a few times, I'm just-" he cut off, here, flashing Derek a look of pure desperation. His voice dropped several notches to a whisper. "I'm... I'm unresponsive. ...Down.. down there, and I.."
He was scared. The fear that radiated off of Reid struck him at the core and though he had no idea what Reid must have felt like first-hand, his heartstrings were wrenched brutally at the sight of his friend's eyes. They were wide - fearful - and pleading. Morgan didn't get the chance to open his mouth before Spencer launched into a full-blown rant.
"I've read every article and book I can find on diseases and neurological disorders, psychological development of sexuality, sexual identity and preference, gender identity. I've had my testosterone levels checked twice over the past month alone, I've adjusted my diet. I sat down and looked at porn for the first time in my life and I still didn't feel anything, I went through every category I could find that I didn't have moral objection to and still... nothing. I... I think I might be asexual."