"I'm hiding baby, and I'm dreaming"
I had this really bad day at work. And I wasn't even supposed to be there, which made it even worse. I just don't want to be there anymore. Like I'm burnt out on it. I keep trying to take some time off and I can't. I'm always at work. Even when I'm not there, I am. I get a call every single day, either before i come in or after I leave. And still, they're harassing me to work more. 6 days a week, on a five day a week salary. It's a combination of things, but I am really dissatisfied right now.
I just work way too closely with my boss, who has no idea how to deal with people. Fortunately for everyone else, I'm the one he has to deal with. All the time. It's not like I'm making mistakes... but he goes out of his way to make me feel like a disappointment. He talks to me like I'm his daughter, and a lousy one at that. And I honestly want to hit him. Honestly... I want to punch him.
I never asked for this. I never asked for the promotion, I never asked for the salary... I never asked to be the right arm of the company. It's not that I'm not grateful. And aside from dealing with him, it's a great job. I keep trying to remember that. But it seems to me lately, that my job IS dealing with him.
I'm not the kind of person to bitch about their job, especially when I accidentally walked into a career in the first place. And it is very valuable experience, great for resume... amazing on the job training.
But the reason I came to work for this company in the first place, is because I don't respond well to authority. I don't play well in an office environment, because I can not play the game. I hate office politics, and I never wanted this. I just want to do my job. I just want to keep things running smoothly. I want to inform tourists, and I want to feel good about what I do. I just don't understand why career success has to be tantamount to feeling scummy.
I know I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty far from a bad employee. I've had one sick day in a year, and that was the day after my car accident. I'm never more than like 10 minutes late. I take responsibility for my mistakes. When someone else takes credit for my work, I let it slide. I uphold the rules, and until recently I had a happy staff who believed in me and would bend over backwards to help me out. Once I had a team. Now, I have a work dad, and a staff who are rapidly losing their respect for me. This has to stop. I have to make changes.
I have 2 steady promises that I made to myself a long time ago...
1. I will never be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect me, and makes me feel negatively about myself.
2. Money, while important, is not more important than personal happiness. And it is not necessarily equal to happiness either. So until I need the money to support a family or finance a trip to the moon, I will not stay in a job that makes me feel like a machine.
I know it's just 1 really bad day... and it will be better tomorrow. But I just get SO angry. and I've only got so many really bad days in me, before I really do hit him. And not in that "I'd like to smack my boss around a little way." But violently beat. And that's probably not normal. It's definitely not good.
maybe I have anger issues. Or maybe I just spend every single moment of my life being tactful and "sweet" as they say around the office. "So professional." It's nice to hear... but I think it's creating a monster. I think I just push my frustration away... until it's a ball of fire inside of me. And I honestly don't know how long I can go on like this, before I say or do something I can't take back.
This post will stay up for a day or two, and then I'll delete it out of a mixture of fear and guilt. I'm such a door mat.
I just work way too closely with my boss, who has no idea how to deal with people. Fortunately for everyone else, I'm the one he has to deal with. All the time. It's not like I'm making mistakes... but he goes out of his way to make me feel like a disappointment. He talks to me like I'm his daughter, and a lousy one at that. And I honestly want to hit him. Honestly... I want to punch him.
I never asked for this. I never asked for the promotion, I never asked for the salary... I never asked to be the right arm of the company. It's not that I'm not grateful. And aside from dealing with him, it's a great job. I keep trying to remember that. But it seems to me lately, that my job IS dealing with him.
I'm not the kind of person to bitch about their job, especially when I accidentally walked into a career in the first place. And it is very valuable experience, great for resume... amazing on the job training.
But the reason I came to work for this company in the first place, is because I don't respond well to authority. I don't play well in an office environment, because I can not play the game. I hate office politics, and I never wanted this. I just want to do my job. I just want to keep things running smoothly. I want to inform tourists, and I want to feel good about what I do. I just don't understand why career success has to be tantamount to feeling scummy.
I know I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty far from a bad employee. I've had one sick day in a year, and that was the day after my car accident. I'm never more than like 10 minutes late. I take responsibility for my mistakes. When someone else takes credit for my work, I let it slide. I uphold the rules, and until recently I had a happy staff who believed in me and would bend over backwards to help me out. Once I had a team. Now, I have a work dad, and a staff who are rapidly losing their respect for me. This has to stop. I have to make changes.
I have 2 steady promises that I made to myself a long time ago...
1. I will never be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect me, and makes me feel negatively about myself.
2. Money, while important, is not more important than personal happiness. And it is not necessarily equal to happiness either. So until I need the money to support a family or finance a trip to the moon, I will not stay in a job that makes me feel like a machine.
I know it's just 1 really bad day... and it will be better tomorrow. But I just get SO angry. and I've only got so many really bad days in me, before I really do hit him. And not in that "I'd like to smack my boss around a little way." But violently beat. And that's probably not normal. It's definitely not good.
maybe I have anger issues. Or maybe I just spend every single moment of my life being tactful and "sweet" as they say around the office. "So professional." It's nice to hear... but I think it's creating a monster. I think I just push my frustration away... until it's a ball of fire inside of me. And I honestly don't know how long I can go on like this, before I say or do something I can't take back.
This post will stay up for a day or two, and then I'll delete it out of a mixture of fear and guilt. I'm such a door mat.