American Idolatry Part 2: Attack of the Idolaters
"In what kind of sick, sad world does Gold Shoes get the boot and Rainbow Brite make it through?" - Me
"The worst kind." - My New Idol Friend
Ok, I've been totally slackertastic when it comes to this update -- but it's been a long couple of days and I needed to collect my thoughts (read: drink heavily). With that said, let the craziness ensue!
So Andria and I left for Idol auditions (part deux) at around 4am on Wednesday. We made good time (not getting lost really helps) and had plopped ourselves in the admittance line by around 5:30. The boy in front of us asked to switch places with a man in line so that the bottom of his jeans wouldn't get wet - and I knew it was going to be a good day.
When you entered Gillette Stadium proper - it was like everything you ever imagined the Idol would be. You had people who had cornered off little nooks and/or crannies of the main drag and were doing those obnoxious Christina Aguelera-esque runs. You had what I referred to as "RAS" - Random Acts of Song - where you would be walking and suddenly a group would form and start bustin' out some Destiny's Child. You had people decked to the 10's (that's right - they were WAY past the 9's) - there was one girl who walked by in black capris, a white tuxedo shirt and suspenders, aviator glasses, a gold tie and these crazy high gold stilettos --- she was like a beacon. She walked around with this dude who was one of those hip-hopish oversized leisure suits. I came to refer to her as "Gold Shoes" and she became an obsession point for me, and later for whoever was sitting around me.
And SPEAKING of obsession - I had a little Idol crush on this kid with a mop of sandy brown hair and a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches. He was in our section and provided my with countless hours of swooning-material.
The most popular style - which I began taking a mental tally of - was the high ponytail with the bangs flipped up in a cresting wave and pinned directly on top of the head. By days end, I had seen 35.
But then, of course, there were the crazies. There was Mullet Girl - who was part albino, part 80's hair band member, with a touch of Goth to really peak in the creepiness factor. There was Rainbow Brite -- the spindly little blond who was wearing a silk rainbow pants suit, that flared at the bottom - hand to God, I shit you not - she made it to the next round.
Ok, so as much as a knew American Idol was more production than reality, I never was quite aware of the extreme level of artifice that was actually involved. After we were all ushered to our seats there was a section of people missing. So they took, like, 45 minutes shifting us all over to fill the spot. Then (because THEY thought it was funny/clever) they had us all open our umbrellas, do some twirl-tastic choreography, and sing "Singing in the Rain." ... 13 year old girls do NOT know the words to Singing in the Rain. We had to do 6 takes. AND when it ACTUALLY started to rain, they forced us to all shut our umbrellas to begin the shot again.
We did end up sitting with some pretty cool people though - the same one's that deliberately tried to funnel rain our way before - Chris, Morgan, and Dan. I sat next to Dan and he spent, literally, 75% of the time clocked at the Idol quoting the Family Guy. Just randomly. Then, like 1/2 through, he leans in and asks "Do you watch the Family Guy?" Anyway - they were cool and acerbic and aided in the mocking that had to go down. The three of them heckled this group of girls that sang "Killing Me Softly" (Note: They ALL sing 'Killing Me Softly" - it made up a good 40% of RASs)a few rows down. We all cheered when some kid dressed like Gwar (with spiky body armor and all) made it through. We mused about a spin-off called 'American Lawyer' where you got to sue "American Idol" and it was all hashed out on "The People's Court" -- When reality shows collide.
My favorite moment of the day was when some kid three rows down stood up and sang John Secada for some people, and when he was done Dan sings "Magic One O Six Point Seeeveeeeen" - - HIGHlarious. And the people directly in front of us loved it. They just spent the whole day listening to us make snarky remarks. But, hey, why not. We were WAY more entertaining than some of the, quote, "entertainers".
I was also once again mocked for my green bracelet status -- my mark of shame.
Ok -- I think I've covered most of the stuff, so I'll leave you with one final story. There was this girl sitting behind us - looked maybe 19 or so. Anyway - when our section left to sing, I was left behind with the rest of the green-band squad. So the guy she came with -- old, bearded, southern drawl -- strikes up a conversation with this other guy - old, not bearded, nondescript accent. So they're chatting and No Accent says that he hopes his daughter makes it through and she deserves it. So then Southern Drawl says that 19 year old chick's problem is that she has no confidence - and if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will. And that's why she didn't make the cut in the Washington DC round. So then No Accent says, "So your daughter has auditioned before?" And the Southern Accent goes - with accent a'blazin - "That's not my daughter, that's my girl."
Amazing.
People. The shit goes down at the Idol.
As if there was any doubt.
"The worst kind." - My New Idol Friend
Ok, I've been totally slackertastic when it comes to this update -- but it's been a long couple of days and I needed to collect my thoughts (read: drink heavily). With that said, let the craziness ensue!
So Andria and I left for Idol auditions (part deux) at around 4am on Wednesday. We made good time (not getting lost really helps) and had plopped ourselves in the admittance line by around 5:30. The boy in front of us asked to switch places with a man in line so that the bottom of his jeans wouldn't get wet - and I knew it was going to be a good day.
When you entered Gillette Stadium proper - it was like everything you ever imagined the Idol would be. You had people who had cornered off little nooks and/or crannies of the main drag and were doing those obnoxious Christina Aguelera-esque runs. You had what I referred to as "RAS" - Random Acts of Song - where you would be walking and suddenly a group would form and start bustin' out some Destiny's Child. You had people decked to the 10's (that's right - they were WAY past the 9's) - there was one girl who walked by in black capris, a white tuxedo shirt and suspenders, aviator glasses, a gold tie and these crazy high gold stilettos --- she was like a beacon. She walked around with this dude who was one of those hip-hopish oversized leisure suits. I came to refer to her as "Gold Shoes" and she became an obsession point for me, and later for whoever was sitting around me.
And SPEAKING of obsession - I had a little Idol crush on this kid with a mop of sandy brown hair and a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches. He was in our section and provided my with countless hours of swooning-material.
The most popular style - which I began taking a mental tally of - was the high ponytail with the bangs flipped up in a cresting wave and pinned directly on top of the head. By days end, I had seen 35.
But then, of course, there were the crazies. There was Mullet Girl - who was part albino, part 80's hair band member, with a touch of Goth to really peak in the creepiness factor. There was Rainbow Brite -- the spindly little blond who was wearing a silk rainbow pants suit, that flared at the bottom - hand to God, I shit you not - she made it to the next round.
Ok, so as much as a knew American Idol was more production than reality, I never was quite aware of the extreme level of artifice that was actually involved. After we were all ushered to our seats there was a section of people missing. So they took, like, 45 minutes shifting us all over to fill the spot. Then (because THEY thought it was funny/clever) they had us all open our umbrellas, do some twirl-tastic choreography, and sing "Singing in the Rain." ... 13 year old girls do NOT know the words to Singing in the Rain. We had to do 6 takes. AND when it ACTUALLY started to rain, they forced us to all shut our umbrellas to begin the shot again.
We did end up sitting with some pretty cool people though - the same one's that deliberately tried to funnel rain our way before - Chris, Morgan, and Dan. I sat next to Dan and he spent, literally, 75% of the time clocked at the Idol quoting the Family Guy. Just randomly. Then, like 1/2 through, he leans in and asks "Do you watch the Family Guy?" Anyway - they were cool and acerbic and aided in the mocking that had to go down. The three of them heckled this group of girls that sang "Killing Me Softly" (Note: They ALL sing 'Killing Me Softly" - it made up a good 40% of RASs)a few rows down. We all cheered when some kid dressed like Gwar (with spiky body armor and all) made it through. We mused about a spin-off called 'American Lawyer' where you got to sue "American Idol" and it was all hashed out on "The People's Court" -- When reality shows collide.
My favorite moment of the day was when some kid three rows down stood up and sang John Secada for some people, and when he was done Dan sings "Magic One O Six Point Seeeveeeeen" - - HIGHlarious. And the people directly in front of us loved it. They just spent the whole day listening to us make snarky remarks. But, hey, why not. We were WAY more entertaining than some of the, quote, "entertainers".
I was also once again mocked for my green bracelet status -- my mark of shame.
Ok -- I think I've covered most of the stuff, so I'll leave you with one final story. There was this girl sitting behind us - looked maybe 19 or so. Anyway - when our section left to sing, I was left behind with the rest of the green-band squad. So the guy she came with -- old, bearded, southern drawl -- strikes up a conversation with this other guy - old, not bearded, nondescript accent. So they're chatting and No Accent says that he hopes his daughter makes it through and she deserves it. So then Southern Drawl says that 19 year old chick's problem is that she has no confidence - and if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will. And that's why she didn't make the cut in the Washington DC round. So then No Accent says, "So your daughter has auditioned before?" And the Southern Accent goes - with accent a'blazin - "That's not my daughter, that's my girl."
Amazing.
People. The shit goes down at the Idol.
As if there was any doubt.