Strength that Bends
Todd and I are getting together to talk tonight. I have to say that despite all my valiant intentions to be a smooth rock that lets the chaos wash over it I'm becoming more a strength that bends. Like a willow tree in the wind. Unfortunately trees lose branches in the wind so its less than I'd hoped for but not as bed as I feared...at least there's some strength to it.
I can't help but wonder if it'll continue to get worse before it gets better. I sometimes want to withdraw from everything and just shut down...not do anything at all, but then I'll look at my son and I know I can't do that. He is my life. If I lost him, I could never forgive myself for letting it happen. Worse still, if I kept him and disengaged with the world and him and he suffered for my weakness. God, I hate this. I feel so powerless.
I can't help but wonder if it'll continue to get worse before it gets better. I sometimes want to withdraw from everything and just shut down...not do anything at all, but then I'll look at my son and I know I can't do that. He is my life. If I lost him, I could never forgive myself for letting it happen. Worse still, if I kept him and disengaged with the world and him and he suffered for my weakness. God, I hate this. I feel so powerless.