what's it like to be single?
...i've forgotten, and i suppose i should be able to answer my own question at this point...but i honestly don't know how i feel..though I'd like to be able to say "nothing," ... that can't be true...i just don't know. yeh...paul broke up with me. don't pity me, i don't need to hear "sorry," i just wanted everyone to know. he wants to be friends...but i'm not calling him, though i wouldn't ignore him if he called me...i'm not expecting it; trying hard not to, actually. i didn't even cry. i can't. can't tell you why either...too drained. too much has already been invested to put any more emotion into something that clearly is. not. any. more. fuck.
i know it isn't my fault. fuck, how could it be? i did everything i could. not sayingt i'm perfect, but this is his fault. i know it. he knows it. even that doesn't matter. it changes nothing. everytime i try to be sad about this...i just get angry. i think it's better to feel nothing. fuck. fuck him. fuck him for not caring enough. about me. about us. about himself. he could have done anything. not a lot. not even a little. anything more than nothing. he did nothing. i don't feel as if he's punishing me for his shortcomings...more like the universe is punishing me. for what? i don't know. people talk about "trying times..." i felt like through all the "trying times" i stuck it out, stayed strong, kept faith, and pushed through it all...now it seems like the universe was trying deperately to tell me something very straight foward, and i just never listened...
i know it isn't my fault. fuck, how could it be? i did everything i could. not sayingt i'm perfect, but this is his fault. i know it. he knows it. even that doesn't matter. it changes nothing. everytime i try to be sad about this...i just get angry. i think it's better to feel nothing. fuck. fuck him. fuck him for not caring enough. about me. about us. about himself. he could have done anything. not a lot. not even a little. anything more than nothing. he did nothing. i don't feel as if he's punishing me for his shortcomings...more like the universe is punishing me. for what? i don't know. people talk about "trying times..." i felt like through all the "trying times" i stuck it out, stayed strong, kept faith, and pushed through it all...now it seems like the universe was trying deperately to tell me something very straight foward, and i just never listened...