New Developments
Okay, I am not one to be scared of the dark or of being left alone at night, you can even ask my mom. I used to stay home alone all the time, because you know, going out with your parents wasn't on top of a teenage girls desireable things to do list. I would stay home, watching tv with all the light in the house off no problem. Hell, I'd even leave the windows open and the door unlocked.
I was SO excited about moving to Texas and living on my own. Makin my own rules and taking care of myself. HA! Little did I know that I'd miss my oarents so much. Little did I know that I'd become a wuss.
I don't know what it is, but I am constantly scared of being alone. During the day I'm fine, but when the sunsets I get mortified if Jason isn't in the same room as I am. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't help but think someone's standing outside our bedroom window peeking in and waiting for us to go to sleep. So I stay up most of the night. And when I finally fall asleep, I have nightmares.
The other night, I had an awful dream about airplanes, airports, bookstores, hotel rooms and hawaiian babies. I don't know how all that fits together exactly, but then again, when do dreams ever make sence. By the end of the dream I was cought in a tug of war with an evil spirit, or demon, whatever it was, for one of the hawaiian babies. It was trying to suck the baby under the bed, like the boogyman or something, but I wouldn't let go.
SO,
I'm scared of the dark.
I'm scared of being left alone at night.
I'm scared of my bedroom window.
I'm scared of falling asleep.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO ONCE JASON LEAVES?!
I am dreading the day, I don't want him to go. I con't do it myself. I need him here. Last night I broke down crying, missing my mom, missing my old room, missing the feeling of being safe and being surrounded by people who I love and love me back.
I can't stay here, not without Jason or someone to keep me company, not just because I'm scared of everything after 8 o'clock but also because I'm pregnant. What am I gonna do in case of an emergency.
BUT, I also don't want to pick up and leave again, just give up. I'd be failing myself if I did that, and I don't think there's coming back from getting a taste of the easy way out.
What am I gonna do?!
First of all, I need help. Honestly, I do. I think there might be something slightly wrong with me. Mentaly. I need to be medicated. Seriously.
I need to either find someone who is willing to give everything up, just to come and stay with me for a year. Is there anyone out there who loves me that much and is capable of it? Yesly said she was, but now she's pregnant too, and got a really good job offer. That's a bust. Kym offered, but I don't think she's ready to make that change. She'd die here, this town just isn't for her. Kristen is still in school and attached to her boyfriend at the hip.
Even though I need someone with me and I won't go home, I would really feel horrible if I made someone leave behind their life just to come to my rescue. I mean, it is a LOT to ask, of anybody.
I'm screwed.
I was SO excited about moving to Texas and living on my own. Makin my own rules and taking care of myself. HA! Little did I know that I'd miss my oarents so much. Little did I know that I'd become a wuss.
I don't know what it is, but I am constantly scared of being alone. During the day I'm fine, but when the sunsets I get mortified if Jason isn't in the same room as I am. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't help but think someone's standing outside our bedroom window peeking in and waiting for us to go to sleep. So I stay up most of the night. And when I finally fall asleep, I have nightmares.
The other night, I had an awful dream about airplanes, airports, bookstores, hotel rooms and hawaiian babies. I don't know how all that fits together exactly, but then again, when do dreams ever make sence. By the end of the dream I was cought in a tug of war with an evil spirit, or demon, whatever it was, for one of the hawaiian babies. It was trying to suck the baby under the bed, like the boogyman or something, but I wouldn't let go.
SO,
I'm scared of the dark.
I'm scared of being left alone at night.
I'm scared of my bedroom window.
I'm scared of falling asleep.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO ONCE JASON LEAVES?!
I am dreading the day, I don't want him to go. I con't do it myself. I need him here. Last night I broke down crying, missing my mom, missing my old room, missing the feeling of being safe and being surrounded by people who I love and love me back.
I can't stay here, not without Jason or someone to keep me company, not just because I'm scared of everything after 8 o'clock but also because I'm pregnant. What am I gonna do in case of an emergency.
BUT, I also don't want to pick up and leave again, just give up. I'd be failing myself if I did that, and I don't think there's coming back from getting a taste of the easy way out.
What am I gonna do?!
First of all, I need help. Honestly, I do. I think there might be something slightly wrong with me. Mentaly. I need to be medicated. Seriously.
I need to either find someone who is willing to give everything up, just to come and stay with me for a year. Is there anyone out there who loves me that much and is capable of it? Yesly said she was, but now she's pregnant too, and got a really good job offer. That's a bust. Kym offered, but I don't think she's ready to make that change. She'd die here, this town just isn't for her. Kristen is still in school and attached to her boyfriend at the hip.
Even though I need someone with me and I won't go home, I would really feel horrible if I made someone leave behind their life just to come to my rescue. I mean, it is a LOT to ask, of anybody.
I'm screwed.