Things I Just DON'T Understand - Fashion Edition*
1. Hitler hair.
Seriously, guys... if someone of his stature (dubious though may it be) couldn't pull that shit off, what makes you think YOU can?!
2. Skinny jeans.
Getting dressed in the morning should not require a shoe horn and line of coke for breakfast. But if you insist on wedging yourself into those denim sausage casings you call "pants," could you do the rest of us a favor? Skip the low risers. Please. I'm tired of being involuntarily forced to stare into the depths of your ass crack every time you have to tie your Converse sneakers (another thing I don't understand, but I digress).
3. The neckerchief bandanna.
Why? What purpose does that serve? Are you prepared, just in case this Depression-bound country falls victim to another Dust Bowl? Are you a barista by day but a Zapatista by night? Do you play the bank robber in a Wild West Shootout re-enactment? Is it an accident? Did you fall asleep halfway through "Ascot Tying 101"? What what what?!
*If one of you would be so kind as to wake me as soon as these abominations have been foist onto the "Fifteen Minutes Up!" Cultural Bonfire©, I sure would appreciate it.