Things hurt.
Well.. my mother found out i was drunk.. she called me a drunken bitch and some other shit but other than that... it was fine. However. I dont think.. ive been so... hurt.. for such a long time.. so.. Andrew and I hooked up.. Izzy's older brother ANdrew.. both Andrew and Izzy are.. or rather were people i strongly considered to be my closest friends...and Izzy saw us. and everything has changed. I suppose i should be lucky that I only lost Andrew..and not Izzy... but it hurts to much to even think about never being able to talk to him again.. or see him.. i dont know if i can handle not ebing friends with him.. i honestly love him.. and im going to miss him soo much. ive been sick to my stomach since this time last night... and i want it to end.. i hung out with Izzy for a bit today.. you know after a night of her crying endless tears.. me crying along with her..i want to run away.. or at least.. no.. i want to go to concord.. grab some people... and take them with me... i want to just runaway with people i know i cantrust.. and with people i know i wont fuck up to much with.. people who won't leave me or force me to make a decision like this... ive been friends with him for almost 4 years.. and now.. nothing is going to be the same. and i dont resent izzy at all for it.. it's not her fault in the slightest.. it's my own damn fault.. and yeah right now im fuking wallowing in god damn self-pity.. i dont care anymore.. i dont give a shit about self-respect... i just dont give a god dman flying fuck.... this was one friendship.. i really relied on.. because we barely got to see each other.. and when we did it was amazing.. and fun.. and everything would be happy...... i hate that they're related... but i had to choose. between losing izzy or losing andrew. and i did it without any second thoughts... and it hurts. so much. and now. im going to go watch a movie. think about how big of a fuck up I am.. how much of a moron I am.. how selfish I am. in a few hours... self-pity will be over.. ill feel disgusted with myself.. and then bury all this. conceal it and hide it where it belongs.