The Used
Right now I feel really used. It seems silly but I can't help it. At school I began to feel like I was just being used because I had a car. And because I easily lent out money. Yeah, Emi and Lindsay have paid me back. But I still have a friend that owes me $132 and she was supposed to drop it off Friday. She didn't so I called, got her voicemail, and haven't heard back from her. Now, okay, maybe she's busy or doesn't have service. But I told her I needed it today to pay for the concert ticket from over the weekend. I've decided I'm not going to drive people to random places this school year. I mean, the gas adds up but it's not even that. I just feel like that's why I was kept around because I was only really invited to hang out because someone needed a ride or some money. Nice.
And now one of my guy friends is being a butthead. He doesn't answer his phone hardly ever so Emi and I leave fun voicemails and he calls us back when he gets the chance. Fine, whatever, we accepted that. Then we made plans to take a super long detour home from the concert to see him and surprise him. We wanted to know he'd be there though so I left two voicemails telling him to call me because I had to ask him something. He didn't so we didn't stop. He called this morning though. In the voicemail he said he hasn't listened to the messages yet. Then he went right into asking me for a favor. Earlier in the school year I ordered a CD for him off ebay because he didn't have a card of any kind. He paid me back, of course. Well he wants me to do it again and it ends tomorrow. Then he got on facebook and saw my message about how we were going to visit him so he calls me again, all sad, and then said he didn't realize the concert was this weekend. That made him think of the Josh Groban concert and he started whimpering. I'm just feeling really used and unappreciated I guess. He told me how I should have called again because I know he doesn't listen to messages. As if it was my fault.
I've decided I'm not going to call him for a while. I've made all the initiations so far this summer. If he wants to talk to me, he'll try again. Because I'm sick of being the one doing all the work. And I'm sick of feeling like I'm being used. And I'm sick of accepting all the excuses people give me for it. So I'm done. That sounds really cold and heartless. I'm not opposed to helping people when they really need it. But I'm not going to be a sucker anymore. I think I deserve better than that. Actually I know I do.
And now one of my guy friends is being a butthead. He doesn't answer his phone hardly ever so Emi and I leave fun voicemails and he calls us back when he gets the chance. Fine, whatever, we accepted that. Then we made plans to take a super long detour home from the concert to see him and surprise him. We wanted to know he'd be there though so I left two voicemails telling him to call me because I had to ask him something. He didn't so we didn't stop. He called this morning though. In the voicemail he said he hasn't listened to the messages yet. Then he went right into asking me for a favor. Earlier in the school year I ordered a CD for him off ebay because he didn't have a card of any kind. He paid me back, of course. Well he wants me to do it again and it ends tomorrow. Then he got on facebook and saw my message about how we were going to visit him so he calls me again, all sad, and then said he didn't realize the concert was this weekend. That made him think of the Josh Groban concert and he started whimpering. I'm just feeling really used and unappreciated I guess. He told me how I should have called again because I know he doesn't listen to messages. As if it was my fault.
I've decided I'm not going to call him for a while. I've made all the initiations so far this summer. If he wants to talk to me, he'll try again. Because I'm sick of being the one doing all the work. And I'm sick of feeling like I'm being used. And I'm sick of accepting all the excuses people give me for it. So I'm done. That sounds really cold and heartless. I'm not opposed to helping people when they really need it. But I'm not going to be a sucker anymore. I think I deserve better than that. Actually I know I do.