(no subject)
Today I realized that I've been acting as if I'm in an abusive relationship. I'm not, not by any means. But I keep thinking Kevin's gonna change and things are gonna get better and be a real relationship. Yeah, it's not. Hell, I haven't even really heard from him since we left. A few texts and a short, confused phone call? Not good enough.
I'm watching Ugly Betty and this girl is in a relationship with a designer but he's pretending to be gay in order to make it in the industry. Her friend, a REAL gay guy, told her she was amazing and to step out of the closet and realize he was hiding the relationship and was never gonna take it into public. He was disrespecting her and she deserved better.
I get that. It just kinda sucks that, for whatever reason, he doesn't want me. But I'm strong. Getting my infinity tattoo yesterday proved that to me. And I'm worth it. So from now on, whenever I doubt that, I'm going to look at my tattoo.
Stupid boys. And stupid me for letting it even get to this point.
I wish my will was stronger. I keep putting things off, like running. This summer I need to keep occupied though so I am gonna exercise. Hell, maybe I'll get a six pack. Heh, right. I don't even think I'm capable of getting one but that would be fricking sweet. Last summer was my summer to find myself. This summer is gonna be used to improve on the person I am. Not emotionally or mentally. But physically. Because if I fix that, I feel like it'll help me with the rest of it. That's not even true. Like I thought it and I wrote it but that's just not true.
I want to exercise because there are things with my body I want to change. Period. I hate my thighs. I want to be comfortable enough to wear a bikini top with matching bottoms instead of shorts. End of story. That's my motivation.