But...okay if it was Renton, it wasn't about my being gay. Or not completely. But they still said horrible things and they shoved that fake cock in my mouth and made me vomit. And it made me remember things I don't want to remember, and what if I remember what they when I'm all...you know...doing the real thing. If they took enjoyment of that away from me, they beat more that, they beat more than just my surface. I can only see out of one eye. And I'm terrified to sleep at night. And I'm trying very hard to seem okay, but I'm not. I'm not. They things they did...god, how am I supposed to move past that?!
Yeah, my dad and I talked about that. I told him he couldn't always protect me and if I got taken away, I loved him and it wasn't his fault. And then halfway through Beauty and the Beast he informed me that if they take over, we're moving to Alaska and living with Eskimos. I said I do like the fur...
Yes, I have hope, sure. And mind-numbing fear. I was violated. It wasn't rape, but Jesus. Ah..bad choice of name, there... I don't know. I think it would be easier if I didn't have to deal with this.
I'm not going to lie to you. There may be freaking out, because of the memories of what was done to you. You can reclaim the enjoyment of sex, though. It won't necessarily be easy, but it can be done. I know it, because I've been there, too. It may take the support of a very loving partner, but you'll get there. You'll have good experiences to act as a buffer against the bad. The important thing is to go at your own pace, whatever you do. Make sure the one you're with understands that. If you have that, I think you will be able to heal, and move on. You won't forget, but you will reclaim. What they did to you only just happened. I don't think anyone can expect you to be okay yet.
Alaska sounds like a good plan, in that scenario. We do look good in fur. I'm so glad you and your dad have talked. Hopefully, it won't turn out that the assurance was needed, but it's good that the conversation was had regardless, so those things do get said. Sometimes, without a tragedy involved, people miss that.
Of course it would be easier not to have to deal with it. But it won't be like this forever. I promise. I don't think dying would have turned out to be a particularly appealing alternative...
Well it's a non-issue right now but it might be. I'm sorry you had to go through that, Spectre. And I'm glad Uncle Thomas was there for you. You're right. It was only just done to me. I'm just...it hurts. A lot. I'm hurt in every way a person can hurt. And I don't even understand why. It's stupid. Did you get...hurt and stuff?
It's cold there though. Yeah. I wanted Dad to know. 'Cause Uncle Thomas told me about Peter's dream, and if I'm going to be thrown in some shitty dungeon and have my bits cut off, I don't want Dad wondering if I loved him.
I'm in too much not to think it sounds kind of nice. Which I know isn't nice to hear. I don't wish I was dead though. I'm not that selfish. I know exactly what my death would do to my parents and the people who love me. How could I not, when just running away fucked everyone up? I know most people would get on with their lives, but I don't think Dad ever would. I really don't. Which is why I was so afraid for him when I realised I'd been gone for so long the other day. I didn't want him to fear my death. He lost his little brother and now he's terrified of losing anyone else. And I'd hate to be the one who did it to him.
I know... there are so many ways to hurt a person. It's terrible how many of those people can discover. When I was hurt, it wasn't in the same way as you. The first time, yes, there was violence, but that wasn't the point of what Brian was doing. He just wanted to restrain me and get off. I say "just", but... well, you know what I mean. He wasn't there to beat me up. Aurelia was just trying to scare me, I think. She was probably more interested in hurting me, but she wasn't strong or fast enough to get much of a chance. I was lucky to have people there for me both times. They could have been a lot worse.
I understand completely. We'll do everything we can to make sure there are no shitty dungeons, though. They're not taking us without one hell of a fight.
Escaping the pain is an appealing notion. Of course it is. I'm very glad to hear you wouldn't want to die, though. You're right... the pain that would cause would be immeasurable, because you're so very loved. Sometimes, that doesn't make life seem much brighter, though. But it will be. Things will get better, without the need to run or hide. However good or bad things are, we'll always be here.
Why couldn't he hire someone to do that?! They're available, I should know. God, ugh. Get a blow up doll, Christ. Sorry. Anger makes fear less. I hate the idea of someone hurting you. I really do.
No they're fucking not.
Thanks, Spectre. It does make life seem brighter. And soon, I'll have more than one eye to see that with. Bloody arseholes...
Quite right. And feel free! There's certainly no love for Brian in this camp. I really hate the idea of anyone hurting you too, Julian. It's abominable to me.
You're very welcome, my friend. It'll be good to be able to see both your beautiful eyes again.
Abominable snowman! You can come to Alaska too! Dad can hunt for like...seals. And we can play with baby snow foxes. That's so what they do in Alaska. Mmmhmm.
I always liked the abominable snowman. Mainly because "abominable" is a good word.
I think we could figure out something creative to deal with seal meat. It'd be great! And if it didn't work, we could always play with the seals and eat the foxes instead...
Yeah, my dad and I talked about that. I told him he couldn't always protect me and if I got taken away, I loved him and it wasn't his fault. And then halfway through Beauty and the Beast he informed me that if they take over, we're moving to Alaska and living with Eskimos. I said I do like the fur...
Yes, I have hope, sure. And mind-numbing fear. I was violated. It wasn't rape, but Jesus. Ah..bad choice of name, there... I don't know. I think it would be easier if I didn't have to deal with this.
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Alaska sounds like a good plan, in that scenario. We do look good in fur. I'm so glad you and your dad have talked. Hopefully, it won't turn out that the assurance was needed, but it's good that the conversation was had regardless, so those things do get said. Sometimes, without a tragedy involved, people miss that.
Of course it would be easier not to have to deal with it. But it won't be like this forever. I promise. I don't think dying would have turned out to be a particularly appealing alternative...
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It's cold there though. Yeah. I wanted Dad to know. 'Cause Uncle Thomas told me about Peter's dream, and if I'm going to be thrown in some shitty dungeon and have my bits cut off, I don't want Dad wondering if I loved him.
I'm in too much not to think it sounds kind of nice. Which I know isn't nice to hear. I don't wish I was dead though. I'm not that selfish. I know exactly what my death would do to my parents and the people who love me. How could I not, when just running away fucked everyone up? I know most people would get on with their lives, but I don't think Dad ever would. I really don't. Which is why I was so afraid for him when I realised I'd been gone for so long the other day. I didn't want him to fear my death. He lost his little brother and now he's terrified of losing anyone else. And I'd hate to be the one who did it to him.
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I understand completely. We'll do everything we can to make sure there are no shitty dungeons, though. They're not taking us without one hell of a fight.
Escaping the pain is an appealing notion. Of course it is. I'm very glad to hear you wouldn't want to die, though. You're right... the pain that would cause would be immeasurable, because you're so very loved. Sometimes, that doesn't make life seem much brighter, though. But it will be. Things will get better, without the need to run or hide. However good or bad things are, we'll always be here.
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No they're fucking not.
Thanks, Spectre. It does make life seem brighter. And soon, I'll have more than one eye to see that with. Bloody arseholes...
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You're very welcome, my friend. It'll be good to be able to see both your beautiful eyes again.
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I think we could figure out something creative to deal with seal meat. It'd be great! And if it didn't work, we could always play with the seals and eat the foxes instead...
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Fox would be all sinewy. He said as if he had any idea what he was talking about...
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No, I think you might be onto something there. I suppose seal would be like seafood... fish steaks, or somesuch.
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Now I'm hungry. Which is semi-creepy, Spectre.
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See if Joe will make you swordfish!
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He said the minute I get a job to pay for the swordfish, he'd be happy to. Smartarse!! He is, however, making me steak.
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