An Open Letter To Coffee Shop Douchebag

[virtuistic]

Hey there, Grandpa Douchebag.

You don't look like the kind of guy who understands the function of the coffee shop. I say this because you walked in eating donuts from another establishment, and then plopped your three children directly next to the girl with a laptop who is clearly working on something, instead of occupying one of the totally

Comments

Aw, that's cute.

[virtuistic]

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for actually reading the content of this letter, which clearly states that there were other empty areas that could have been happily occupied by a cabal of rowdy, over-caffeinated children -- or anyone else who felt displaced by my "endless" occupation of a single chair in the corner.I'd almost forgotten that a lot of people convince themselves it is perfectly acceptable to allow children to run, shout and fight in public places, because hey, they're kids! Discipline is too passe for these adorable little spawnlings.

Also, screaming into a cell phone in close proximity to someone is the new black. Technology is here, and I guess we should all expect to eavesdrop involuntarily. It's not like that's rude at all, even when your voice is interfering with the barista's ability to hear the paying customers1.

But sure, I mean, who frequents a local coffee shop (No, I don't actually work there.) that is usually placid and expects common courtesy from fellow patrons? Or in this case, occupants -- because they didn't actually patronize the establishment. They brought in their own food and beverages before ruining the experience of at least five paying customers who were happily and unobtrusively enjoying a communal, relaxing atmosphere that is the established norm at this place of business.

Again, thanks for taking the time to read that before hastening to the rescue of a blatantly inconsiderate individual and misbehaved, undisciplined children. I really appreciate the reminder that some people believe they are entitled to subject everyone else to their brats because hey, it's a public place and who has time for manners these days?

1 This will be important later.