Weird headspace
I need this weekend very badly. I just need to be away from Being Scheduled.
Not the first time I've felt this way, but I'm not exactly sure why it's such a big deal right now. It could be that the last few times I've had plans to not have plans, emergencies came up and screwed with my time off. My birthday weekend (3 days because of MLK Day), Mom had to go in to the hospital to have a pacemaker put in. Spring Break, she had 2 arteries 70% blocked and had to go in to have two stents put in. Then came Easter, which is always fun because it's a guilt-fest from many sources if I don't drive down. I ended up being sick that day, but still.
In any case, I've found myself becoming actively angry at any idea that limits my activities this weekend. I have a zillion things I could do, many I should do, and some I'd like to do. Perhaps I'm being overwhelmed by my own sense of how many things there are, and what limits each thing puts on other possibilities, but - I just can't stand the idea of all of my time being scheduled by outside forces.
No, I will not split my Saturday into unusable chunks of time to do This Thing For You At InconvenientO'Clock.
If I can get my shit together and get in touch with my Stepmom, I'd like to see about going to Patoka. That in and of itself makes several decisions for me as to what I can otherwise do. It's hard to clean my house when I'm not there (snort). However, my budget for gasoline and food is VERY tight right now, and I don't know that I should do that this weekend.
Brain dumped. Just so damned frustrating sometimes.
Not the first time I've felt this way, but I'm not exactly sure why it's such a big deal right now. It could be that the last few times I've had plans to not have plans, emergencies came up and screwed with my time off. My birthday weekend (3 days because of MLK Day), Mom had to go in to the hospital to have a pacemaker put in. Spring Break, she had 2 arteries 70% blocked and had to go in to have two stents put in. Then came Easter, which is always fun because it's a guilt-fest from many sources if I don't drive down. I ended up being sick that day, but still.
In any case, I've found myself becoming actively angry at any idea that limits my activities this weekend. I have a zillion things I could do, many I should do, and some I'd like to do. Perhaps I'm being overwhelmed by my own sense of how many things there are, and what limits each thing puts on other possibilities, but - I just can't stand the idea of all of my time being scheduled by outside forces.
No, I will not split my Saturday into unusable chunks of time to do This Thing For You At InconvenientO'Clock.
If I can get my shit together and get in touch with my Stepmom, I'd like to see about going to Patoka. That in and of itself makes several decisions for me as to what I can otherwise do. It's hard to clean my house when I'm not there (snort). However, my budget for gasoline and food is VERY tight right now, and I don't know that I should do that this weekend.
Brain dumped. Just so damned frustrating sometimes.