"Show and Tell"
Back in September I did an outline of what it might be like if the crews of Andromeda and Stargate Atlantis met up after their shows' finales. Instead of fleshing that out into a full-fledged and no doubt long-ass fic, I did this riff on something that would happen afterward. I really don't have someone who could do a credible pre-read for me based on the canons....
RATING: PG-13.
FEEDBACK: can be sent to Viridian5@aol.com
DISCLAIMERS: All things Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda belong to Gene Roddenberry’s estate, Tribune Entertainment Company, and Fireworks. All things Stargate Atlantis belong to []. No infringement intended.
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“Show and Tell”
By Viridian5
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Harper stopped twirling the silver-colored metal rod in his hand and asked, “Are we all here and ready to start?”
“Everyone who signed up is here,” Teyla answered.
“Good. Besides, any stragglers can talk to the people who actually made it.” Harper bowed to his seated audience. “Good morning class, I’m Mr. Harper and I’ll be your force lance teacher for today.”
“You’ve been here for two weeks and you’re no shrinking violet, so we all know that already,” Rodney said.
“Hey, unlike you, I have some manners.”
Knowing that Harper and Rodney could go on for hours like that, Sheppard said, “Enough. We can catch your dinner theater show any time whether we want to or not. We’re here for the weapon introduction.”
“A gold star for you, Sheppard.” Harper stopped twirling the rod and held it out for all to see. “Some force lance facts. What looks to you like a harmless metal rod can fire plasma shots and launch self-guided tiny attack drones called 'effectors' that both target opponents and intercept incoming bullets and missiles. It can be used as a taser, placed in a stationary position to be set on auto-fire, or used as a plasma grenade by setting it to overload. It also has a grappling hook function, and it can do this.” The rod suddenly extended several feet and surprised a giggle out of a lot of the audience. Obviously Sheppard wasn’t the only one who’d become a twelve-year-old boy during that demonstration.
Harper smirked. “Yeah, Freud would have a field day with this. You guys aren’t even close enough to see the flared head with the slit at the end. The first time I was on the wrong end of one of these it was gold with a rosy head and pointed at my mouth. My first thought then was a hope that the guy holding it wouldn’t kill me but my second one was that I could swear I saw a porno like this.”
“Harper,” Teyla said.
“What? We’re all adults here. Supposedly. Extended like this it can be used as a melee weapon. It’s truly a Swiss army knife. Force lances are keyed to their handler’s DNA and can shock someone else trying to use it. This one came from Andromeda’s weapons locker so it isn’t keyed and could be used by anyone.”
“Does your captain know you took it?” Rodney asked, trying to start something.
“Considering all the tech, weapons, and gear of mine I had to leave behind, letting me take a few small weapons is the least they can do for me. I’ll see it as Dylan trying to make up for Earth by letting me help protect an alternate one.”
“So you don’t believe in the Prime Directive?” one of their field team scientists asked. The same thought had come to Sheppard’s mind.
“The Prime Directive can kiss my ass. If you guys like the lance, I can start sourcing materials to make them and the holsters they need. Dylan and Beka were wearing force lance holsters when they were here.”
“I’ve noticed that *you* use a gun,” Rodney said.
“I’m more comfortable with a gun.”
“Is it because an extended force lance is about as long as you are tall?”
“Funny guy. I’m right-sized. Besides, it’s not the height, it’s what you do with it.”
“*That’s* why you have platforms on your boots?”
“*That’s* fashion, but I forgive you for being an ass because I know you can’t help yourself,” Harper replied with a strychnine-sweet voice.
“Do you two wanna get a room?” Sheppard asked.
“I’d like to try the force lance out,” Ronon said to Sheppard’s total lack of surprise.
Harper retracted it to its more manageable size. “Sure. Come on over, big guy. I’ll let you fondle it a bit before we move on to the area I’ll be demonstrating it in. I’ve set it so you can’t fire anything yet, but you can extend and retract it to see how it handles.”
After he handed the lance over to Ronon, Harper asked Sheppard, “What do you think?”
“I like the Swiss army knife aspect, but it’s not all my decision to make.”
“I hear that. Do you think people will be able to resist making dick jokes?”
“Probably not.”
“That’s pretty much what I figured. Hey, I got my ridiculously complete physical and all my shots. Can I head over to Boston anytime soon? Just for a short time.”
Considering Harper’s past... future, Sheppard figured they really should let him see some places and especially the areas of Massachusetts he’d called home. It’d be cruel not to. “Yeah. We’re looking into it. Should be soon.”
Harper grinned. “Excellent. Okay, folks, we’re going to go do some target practice. We all like shooting and hitting stuff, right? *Right*.”
Sheppard had to say, “That kind of talk doesn’t help your chances.”
Harper apparently knew them all well enough to know better. “Sure, sure. I know you guys love my violent tendencies and weapon-making know-how.”
***********************THE END**********************
RATING: PG-13.
FEEDBACK: can be sent to Viridian5@aol.com
DISCLAIMERS: All things Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda belong to Gene Roddenberry’s estate, Tribune Entertainment Company, and Fireworks. All things Stargate Atlantis belong to []. No infringement intended.
=======================
“Show and Tell”
By Viridian5
=======================
Harper stopped twirling the silver-colored metal rod in his hand and asked, “Are we all here and ready to start?”
“Everyone who signed up is here,” Teyla answered.
“Good. Besides, any stragglers can talk to the people who actually made it.” Harper bowed to his seated audience. “Good morning class, I’m Mr. Harper and I’ll be your force lance teacher for today.”
“You’ve been here for two weeks and you’re no shrinking violet, so we all know that already,” Rodney said.
“Hey, unlike you, I have some manners.”
Knowing that Harper and Rodney could go on for hours like that, Sheppard said, “Enough. We can catch your dinner theater show any time whether we want to or not. We’re here for the weapon introduction.”
“A gold star for you, Sheppard.” Harper stopped twirling the rod and held it out for all to see. “Some force lance facts. What looks to you like a harmless metal rod can fire plasma shots and launch self-guided tiny attack drones called 'effectors' that both target opponents and intercept incoming bullets and missiles. It can be used as a taser, placed in a stationary position to be set on auto-fire, or used as a plasma grenade by setting it to overload. It also has a grappling hook function, and it can do this.” The rod suddenly extended several feet and surprised a giggle out of a lot of the audience. Obviously Sheppard wasn’t the only one who’d become a twelve-year-old boy during that demonstration.
Harper smirked. “Yeah, Freud would have a field day with this. You guys aren’t even close enough to see the flared head with the slit at the end. The first time I was on the wrong end of one of these it was gold with a rosy head and pointed at my mouth. My first thought then was a hope that the guy holding it wouldn’t kill me but my second one was that I could swear I saw a porno like this.”
“Harper,” Teyla said.
“What? We’re all adults here. Supposedly. Extended like this it can be used as a melee weapon. It’s truly a Swiss army knife. Force lances are keyed to their handler’s DNA and can shock someone else trying to use it. This one came from Andromeda’s weapons locker so it isn’t keyed and could be used by anyone.”
“Does your captain know you took it?” Rodney asked, trying to start something.
“Considering all the tech, weapons, and gear of mine I had to leave behind, letting me take a few small weapons is the least they can do for me. I’ll see it as Dylan trying to make up for Earth by letting me help protect an alternate one.”
“So you don’t believe in the Prime Directive?” one of their field team scientists asked. The same thought had come to Sheppard’s mind.
“The Prime Directive can kiss my ass. If you guys like the lance, I can start sourcing materials to make them and the holsters they need. Dylan and Beka were wearing force lance holsters when they were here.”
“I’ve noticed that *you* use a gun,” Rodney said.
“I’m more comfortable with a gun.”
“Is it because an extended force lance is about as long as you are tall?”
“Funny guy. I’m right-sized. Besides, it’s not the height, it’s what you do with it.”
“*That’s* why you have platforms on your boots?”
“*That’s* fashion, but I forgive you for being an ass because I know you can’t help yourself,” Harper replied with a strychnine-sweet voice.
“Do you two wanna get a room?” Sheppard asked.
“I’d like to try the force lance out,” Ronon said to Sheppard’s total lack of surprise.
Harper retracted it to its more manageable size. “Sure. Come on over, big guy. I’ll let you fondle it a bit before we move on to the area I’ll be demonstrating it in. I’ve set it so you can’t fire anything yet, but you can extend and retract it to see how it handles.”
After he handed the lance over to Ronon, Harper asked Sheppard, “What do you think?”
“I like the Swiss army knife aspect, but it’s not all my decision to make.”
“I hear that. Do you think people will be able to resist making dick jokes?”
“Probably not.”
“That’s pretty much what I figured. Hey, I got my ridiculously complete physical and all my shots. Can I head over to Boston anytime soon? Just for a short time.”
Considering Harper’s past... future, Sheppard figured they really should let him see some places and especially the areas of Massachusetts he’d called home. It’d be cruel not to. “Yeah. We’re looking into it. Should be soon.”
Harper grinned. “Excellent. Okay, folks, we’re going to go do some target practice. We all like shooting and hitting stuff, right? *Right*.”
Sheppard had to say, “That kind of talk doesn’t help your chances.”
Harper apparently knew them all well enough to know better. “Sure, sure. I know you guys love my violent tendencies and weapon-making know-how.”
***********************THE END**********************