(no subject)
Well.. A lot has been happening. I'm still with Ben..well was still with Ben. I don't know what's going on (most of you guys know that, I'm not the brightest when it comes to that >>;) He says he wants a month or two to look for a job and support himself. Yeah, he moved out. Remember Spyder? I was pregnant a few days after with him, but I lost the kid, some of you already know that. Last time I wrote in this, it got me on At Risk Youth, but oh well. It's MY journal. I talked to Chris a few nights back.. uhm what else.. Ben's in Oly, for my washingtonians out there. His friends are asses. Like I think.. just a few phone calls ago, I was trying to talk to him, which of course is one of the things I cherish pfft, and out of nowhere, I just here a bunch of yelling -pause- Then he says he has to go and will call later. I get real tired of his friends, and every time I go up there I'm either with him and them or he's tired. -.- Very frustrating. Whenever he's with his friends he makes fun of me, tried to lay it off when it was just us as his 'guy mode' Bullshit. He shouldn't have a guy mode. I don't have a girl mode. o.o I'm me all the time, and as most of you know my philosophy is if you like me fine. If not, shove a stick up your ass and spin until you catch fire, otherwise have a nice day :D But still, it's irritating.I make the best of it though and usually keep my mouth shut, but the few times I open it to defend myself I get beaten down. He thinks I'm controlling and shit. Rebbit, am I controlling? Hell no. I just say what I want to say, and if you heed, fine, if not, fine. He thinks I whine. Yes maybe I do, but it seems like all he sees is my bad qualities.
A few days ago, I got real depressed again, probably because of jealousy, it happens a lot but I usually don't say anything because I know I'm just being stupid, but he launches into how he loves being with me, yada yada (Ally is too lazy to write it down) I'm like.. okay. o.o The rest of the time he complains about me. So basically it's like wtf? He talks about me never making sense, well I don't think he has since the beginning. I don't really care though, cause I love him to bits and pieces and that's that. He can try to get rid of me, but I'm stuck to him like a bad case of herpes. I found out a couple weeks ago I have no friends. Fun, eh? Hey Rebbit, how do you say I love you in French? I'd really like to learn that. And I love you, too. BEtter twist because he always beats me to saying it, and I just wanna screw with him. o.O Typical me. Holy crap. I just read over the entry and it sounded really concieted. o.o;;; Err I guess I'm just going through a rut. Anyways, I guess I better run, this thing is super long anyways, so it should be a good read. I think I'll send my journal link to Ben.. Might be smart or it might be stupid. I could ruin what I have by letting him read what I think, or it might be for the better...
A few days ago, I got real depressed again, probably because of jealousy, it happens a lot but I usually don't say anything because I know I'm just being stupid, but he launches into how he loves being with me, yada yada (Ally is too lazy to write it down) I'm like.. okay. o.o The rest of the time he complains about me. So basically it's like wtf? He talks about me never making sense, well I don't think he has since the beginning. I don't really care though, cause I love him to bits and pieces and that's that. He can try to get rid of me, but I'm stuck to him like a bad case of herpes. I found out a couple weeks ago I have no friends. Fun, eh? Hey Rebbit, how do you say I love you in French? I'd really like to learn that. And I love you, too. BEtter twist because he always beats me to saying it, and I just wanna screw with him. o.O Typical me. Holy crap. I just read over the entry and it sounded really concieted. o.o;;; Err I guess I'm just going through a rut. Anyways, I guess I better run, this thing is super long anyways, so it should be a good read. I think I'll send my journal link to Ben.. Might be smart or it might be stupid. I could ruin what I have by letting him read what I think, or it might be for the better...