I just realized..
...just how jaded I am. In regards to dating, and women in general, that is. And I realize how sad that makes me, because I used to be a die-hard romantic. The kind that felt he could burn in desire for that one woman. Now all I feel when I look at an attractive woman is either; a) nothing, or b) anger. Anger because after all the shit I have seen, and heard, and been through, I assume that she would not only not even be interested in me, but she would laugh at me for even considering the notion of dating. This isn't natural, I'm pretty sure. Primal survival instinct tells me to keep putting myself out there no matter what, to fulfill that base need to reproduce, but I have so much bullshit over that, clouding it and supressing it, I don't even care.
There is a new girl at work, she is attractive, and nice. She asked me today if I had a girlfriend, and I laughed and said no. When she asked me why I laughed, I told her because I had given up on dating. She asked me to elaborate, because I guess she couldn't understand this concept (I can't blame her). I told her how I was jaded, and that I had gotten to the point where I was sure I didn't offer anything to anyone, and should not even try anymore. I went on about how women will say they want a man with a good personality, a sense of humor, intellect, and who will treat her with respect and kindness; but they will compromise all those things in the face of a cute face and washboard abs. If given the choice between a fat man with the greatest wit, intellect and personality around, and a cute guy who is a un-kind arrogant jerk, I firmly believe that most women will go for the cute jerk. I know there are women who don't go along with this, but they are in the vast minority.
Now, she doesn't know me too well, since she has only been at the hotel for about 2-3 weeks, but I am pretty sure this creeped her the hell out. I never realized just how much I felt on the subject until I let the flood loose on this poor girl. I know this way of living, and thinking is unhealthy for numerous reasons, but at the same time I see no reason to break from it. And, more importantly, I see no person to convince me I'm wrong.
There is a new girl at work, she is attractive, and nice. She asked me today if I had a girlfriend, and I laughed and said no. When she asked me why I laughed, I told her because I had given up on dating. She asked me to elaborate, because I guess she couldn't understand this concept (I can't blame her). I told her how I was jaded, and that I had gotten to the point where I was sure I didn't offer anything to anyone, and should not even try anymore. I went on about how women will say they want a man with a good personality, a sense of humor, intellect, and who will treat her with respect and kindness; but they will compromise all those things in the face of a cute face and washboard abs. If given the choice between a fat man with the greatest wit, intellect and personality around, and a cute guy who is a un-kind arrogant jerk, I firmly believe that most women will go for the cute jerk. I know there are women who don't go along with this, but they are in the vast minority.
Now, she doesn't know me too well, since she has only been at the hotel for about 2-3 weeks, but I am pretty sure this creeped her the hell out. I never realized just how much I felt on the subject until I let the flood loose on this poor girl. I know this way of living, and thinking is unhealthy for numerous reasons, but at the same time I see no reason to break from it. And, more importantly, I see no person to convince me I'm wrong.