A Tulip Thief Strikes Again

[virgino_orsino]

I wrote another letter to the editor. I'm going to put cayenne mixture on the rest of the tulips. I am going to put some sort of ironic yet warning sort of sign in our front yard. I'm not going to warn them about the cayenne, just that this is not a public flower picking garden, so lay off. But something wittier. If anyone has any suggestions,

Comments

[skywalker_child]

Aren't these tulips lovely?
I've tended them with care.

But they aren't for picking,
so flower-thieves--beware!

[virgino_orsino]

I like that! And I could put a post-script (flowers coated with cayenne pepper, yes really.)

[roguebitch]

Ooh, that sucks. I'm trying to keep H. and her little friend Sammy from destroying (i.e., picking and presenting to Mom) the flowers in the landscaping in the courtyard.

Forgive my ignorance, but how will cayenne pepper help?

[virgino_orsino]

I would actually be okay if it were a child doing it. They don't always know that they are doing something wrong before the nearby adult can actually say not to pick them. But I have a feeling it isn't a kid. It's just my gut feeling on this, though. Last year it definitely wasn't a kid equipped with scissors for cutting.
The cayenne will mostly help me. I will know that the thieves hands will be burning with pain. Then at least next year, they won't be tempted to do that again. I could mention in my sign that there is cayenne on the flowers, you have been warned. . .

[roguebitch]

WARNING: THESE TULIPS PROTECTED BY PENZEY'S SECURITY SYSTEMS. ;->

Yeah, at least they'd know you were serious.

I've been reading too many LOLcats, I was gonna suggest:

TULIPS: YOU NO CAN HAZ.

[virgino_orsino]

I like being a representative of Penzey's Security Systems :)
I would use the LOLCats version since that is the intelligence level I assume of my thief. ;)

[merlin_v12]

At my old office, we had a problem with someone stealing other people's lunches from the break room refrigerator. One of my colleagues suggested posting a sign on the fridge which read, "HR has randomly planted two poisoned lunches in this refrigerator. Steal at your own risk." Needless to say, his suggestion, while good, was not taken seriously by management.

While the notion of posting a sign warning of man-eating or explosive tulips wouldn't likely be taken seriously by the tulip thief either, maybe you should consider something along those lines. Like a sign boasting that you won some sort of prize at the county fair for your garden which pairs tulips with poison ivy? I don't know my @ss from my elbow when it comes to plants, but is there some kind of poison ivy-lookin' (but really innocuous) plant that you could stick in the garden to deter thieves?

Or maybe just a sign saying "Beware of asps."

tulips

[betonica]

I had carefully put in flowers out in front of my house when I lived in Berkeley, and someone was stealing them almost faster than I could plant them. Wasn't just me, though - someone was going through the neighborhood and taking all the new plants that were down by the street. They were actually digging them up and carting them away.

I eventually put up a sign - down at eye level if you were digging up a four-inch pansy - that said something along the lines of "Please don't steal my plants; they aren't worth much money, but they mean a lot to me." I can't remember if I followed it up, later, with a sign that said "God is watching" - we lived in a very poor but fairly religious neighborhood, and I thought that might do the trick.

If I'm remembering correctly, though, the first sign worked.
Good luck scaring off your thief!

Re: tulips

[virgino_orsino]

The appealing to the heart-strings method might be just the trick. I may give that a try, because that is how I feel about the flowers anyway. And I think the biggest problem is that the thief (thieves) aren't really thinking anyone would mind or care if they just nicked a few flowers.

[marrus]

Camera.

Booby-trapped shotgun.

Guard dogs.

Moat with alligators.

Pepper Spray.

Hmmm...have I been living in the Ninth Ward too long???

[virgino_orsino]

Or perhaps the Vigilante Tulip Brigade needs to make an appearance?