My birthday.
I had a really good time with my Mother tonight. I miss her so much, our alone time. I remember when my father was the superintendant at Goettl's and he was never around, my Mother, sister, and I always had so much time doing girl stuff. It's strange how I've always had really great parents, really supportive people, but now that I think back my father really wasn't around all that much. He never participated in teacher/parent meetings, he never went to any of my concerts until my senior year... Just stuff like that. I remember being 10 and asking him how old I was and he told me I was 9 but he couldn't remember my birthday. I never really knew him until he got sick and we started spending a lot of time together. I feel like history is repeating itself with my siblings... My father's working a lot again and he tries to maintain an active role in my siblings lives but it just slips away.
I think the reason why I've always felt like I've had such great parents is because 1)I really do and 2)I've always had friends who came from broken homes so I've always thought I was so lucky. I think moving away from home was the greatest thing I ever did. It's really gotten me to get away from myself and appreciate everything that's always been there but I never noticed before.
When my Mom left I wondered if I would love her as much if she weren't pretty. I thought that was a really strange thought, but sometimes I see unattractive mothers while I'm working and I wonder if their children love them. I think the reason why I wonder that is because they always seem so bitter and unhappy, which may be a result of their unattractiveness.
Oh gosh, is that what awaits me? Bitterness? Unhappiness? I think what awaits me is a life of solitude. I told my Mother that I've decided that when I come back from school I'm going to just get a studio and live by myself and she said that she thought it was a good idea but then I told her, "I don't know. I'll become even more reclusive." She agreed. I hate that I enjoy being by myself so much. I really do. I guess working and going to school is enough human interaction for me.
I should study.
I think the reason why I've always felt like I've had such great parents is because 1)I really do and 2)I've always had friends who came from broken homes so I've always thought I was so lucky. I think moving away from home was the greatest thing I ever did. It's really gotten me to get away from myself and appreciate everything that's always been there but I never noticed before.
When my Mom left I wondered if I would love her as much if she weren't pretty. I thought that was a really strange thought, but sometimes I see unattractive mothers while I'm working and I wonder if their children love them. I think the reason why I wonder that is because they always seem so bitter and unhappy, which may be a result of their unattractiveness.
Oh gosh, is that what awaits me? Bitterness? Unhappiness? I think what awaits me is a life of solitude. I told my Mother that I've decided that when I come back from school I'm going to just get a studio and live by myself and she said that she thought it was a good idea but then I told her, "I don't know. I'll become even more reclusive." She agreed. I hate that I enjoy being by myself so much. I really do. I guess working and going to school is enough human interaction for me.
I should study.