so fierce the transports are, they wound
I'm feeling all music-hungry again. So I'm listening to the CD I made last time. And posting snatches of lyrics from it, because I really can't express my mood any better than Brian, Adam, Steven and Ed, Mark, and the like.
...
Surefire bets and certainties, they drift away like smoke
And the dreams that I said never to, well I finally get the joke
...
Was it a coward's love?
What was I fearful of?
Or am I just turning human after all?
Still I keep reaching out to you, hurting and unsure
Don't know if I trust myself stepping through this door
So it seems this is going to be a rather stream-of-consciousnessy post, with lyrics interjected into my thoughts or thoughts interjected into the lyrics as I hear them. Or think them. Whatever.
So you found beauty in solitude and you forced it on me
...
This name is the hairshirt I wear
And this hairshirt is woven from
Your brown hair
This song is the cross that I bear
Bear with me, bear with me, bear with me
Be with me tonight
It's funny, actually, how lyrics don't have to mean exactly what you're thinking, or even at all what you're thinking, for them still to hit you with a powerful resonance.
surprise surprise, another pair of lips and eyes
and that is the consequence of actually feeling
They can connect with something you've thought or felt before. Or they can connect with something you've never felt, but will in the future, even though you don't know it at the time (this has happened to me).
Love your losing, lose your love
Let the hawk fly from the glove
And do not search the skies above
Search your crazy faith
Or the mood and the music can just fit right... and since I can't transcribe the music, I have to stick with the lyrics. All of which is to say, it's not that I'm currently feeling horribly angsty about love and such, so much as that the mood and the tone and the feel of these songs just fall right into line with the little swirl of stuff in my brain. And I'm inserting them because, well, I want to, even if it doesn't successfully convey what I want it to.
But I'm not gonna break
And I'm not gonna worry about it any more
...
but then I start to think about the consequences
And I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and this time...
...
Wish I could step
from this scaffold
into soft green pastures, shopping malls, or bed
with my family
and my pastor and my grandfather who's dead
Look straight in the mirror and watch it come clearer
I look like a painter behind all the grease
But painting's creating and I'm just erasing
A crystal-clear canvas, my masterpiece
That last one (When I Fall, by BNL) is one of my favorite songs ever (yes, yes, I know, I have said this about one or two songs before). Ostensibly it's about a window washer. All other levels of meaning are left to the listener to dig out... and it's just such a beautiful little song.
Ooh, this is the song that Leah's post reminded me of. The 50-50 post, that is. If y'all want to know what I'm talking about, you'll just have to take the trouble to look up Leah's journal.
You think
It's only fair to do what's best for you and you alone
You think
It's only fair to do the same to me when you're not home
I think
It's time to make this something that is more than only fair
Because really, that's what we need to be shooting for. Justice is cold... justice is hard... justice is something most of us should never ask for. As the good doctor pointed out on Tuesday. Stop trying to meet each other halfway. True love requires that you give everything you have without thought to equality.
The first time that I saw her, she had white doves in her eyes
It is important, of course, that you don't join yourself in a relationship of intimacy (and I mean all intimacy, not just romantic) with someone who is not an emotional peer-- that is, able to give, generally, on the same level you are. This is what we talked about on Sunday.
my gift remains still the same, it ain't enough baby but it's all I got
There is a certain level of counting-on in intimate relationships, and the other person does need to be someone who's able to bear your burdens. Which is not to say that there won't be times when they become unable, like Leah was talking about.
I will wait like nothing
I have ever waited for
I will catch your tears from falling
Until from my hands they pour
You can leave me here abandoned
I'll be here if you want back in
Like the rest I have been branded
Far beneath the skin
You shall be
You shall be
You shall be
Forgiven
And that's the end of the CD, and that's a good place to stop.
...
Surefire bets and certainties, they drift away like smoke
And the dreams that I said never to, well I finally get the joke
...
Was it a coward's love?
What was I fearful of?
Or am I just turning human after all?
Still I keep reaching out to you, hurting and unsure
Don't know if I trust myself stepping through this door
So it seems this is going to be a rather stream-of-consciousnessy post, with lyrics interjected into my thoughts or thoughts interjected into the lyrics as I hear them. Or think them. Whatever.
So you found beauty in solitude and you forced it on me
...
This name is the hairshirt I wear
And this hairshirt is woven from
Your brown hair
This song is the cross that I bear
Bear with me, bear with me, bear with me
Be with me tonight
It's funny, actually, how lyrics don't have to mean exactly what you're thinking, or even at all what you're thinking, for them still to hit you with a powerful resonance.
surprise surprise, another pair of lips and eyes
and that is the consequence of actually feeling
They can connect with something you've thought or felt before. Or they can connect with something you've never felt, but will in the future, even though you don't know it at the time (this has happened to me).
Love your losing, lose your love
Let the hawk fly from the glove
And do not search the skies above
Search your crazy faith
Or the mood and the music can just fit right... and since I can't transcribe the music, I have to stick with the lyrics. All of which is to say, it's not that I'm currently feeling horribly angsty about love and such, so much as that the mood and the tone and the feel of these songs just fall right into line with the little swirl of stuff in my brain. And I'm inserting them because, well, I want to, even if it doesn't successfully convey what I want it to.
But I'm not gonna break
And I'm not gonna worry about it any more
...
but then I start to think about the consequences
And I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and this time...
...
Wish I could step
from this scaffold
into soft green pastures, shopping malls, or bed
with my family
and my pastor and my grandfather who's dead
Look straight in the mirror and watch it come clearer
I look like a painter behind all the grease
But painting's creating and I'm just erasing
A crystal-clear canvas, my masterpiece
That last one (When I Fall, by BNL) is one of my favorite songs ever (yes, yes, I know, I have said this about one or two songs before). Ostensibly it's about a window washer. All other levels of meaning are left to the listener to dig out... and it's just such a beautiful little song.
Ooh, this is the song that Leah's post reminded me of. The 50-50 post, that is. If y'all want to know what I'm talking about, you'll just have to take the trouble to look up Leah's journal.
You think
It's only fair to do what's best for you and you alone
You think
It's only fair to do the same to me when you're not home
I think
It's time to make this something that is more than only fair
Because really, that's what we need to be shooting for. Justice is cold... justice is hard... justice is something most of us should never ask for. As the good doctor pointed out on Tuesday. Stop trying to meet each other halfway. True love requires that you give everything you have without thought to equality.
The first time that I saw her, she had white doves in her eyes
It is important, of course, that you don't join yourself in a relationship of intimacy (and I mean all intimacy, not just romantic) with someone who is not an emotional peer-- that is, able to give, generally, on the same level you are. This is what we talked about on Sunday.
my gift remains still the same, it ain't enough baby but it's all I got
There is a certain level of counting-on in intimate relationships, and the other person does need to be someone who's able to bear your burdens. Which is not to say that there won't be times when they become unable, like Leah was talking about.
I will wait like nothing
I have ever waited for
I will catch your tears from falling
Until from my hands they pour
You can leave me here abandoned
I'll be here if you want back in
Like the rest I have been branded
Far beneath the skin
You shall be
You shall be
You shall be
Forgiven
And that's the end of the CD, and that's a good place to stop.