Title: Contradictions and Revelations
Rating: PG-13
Author:
virginangelic Pairing: None. Chris-centric
Genre: Angst
Warning: Mentions of homosexuality and suicide.
Summary: Hyung Rok hates being himself. In Korea, he can be Chris.
A/N: My first Battle fic. Self beta-ed. Dedicated to Marie/
eleclya111 . I know it's 5 months too late but I did it! :) I hope everyone enjoys it. Oh and do leave a review yeah?
Contradictions & Revelations
Jung Hyung Rok is living a lie.
Chris is living a life thousands can only dream of.
Hyung Rok hates being himself.
In Korea, he can be Chris.
He can be who he really is, without the need to take care of his image
He doesn't have to pretend that he is like the other boys in school.
He tires of the perpetual act he performs that no one knows about.
He feels like he doesn’t belong in America - he still struggles to fit in.
Hyung Rok loves going back to Korea.
Chris hates being Hyung Rok.
In America, he cannot be himself.
He knows he has to take care of this image he has crafted.
He tires of the lies.
He belongs in Korea, on the stage - where the world’s eyes are upon him
Chris hates going back to America.
Hyung Rok has to practice his every move in front of the mirror in secret.
Chris has to practice only his dance steps in front of mirrors with his brothers.
Hyung Rok has to be mentally alert every time - he counts and limits the usage of certain words, very self-aware that when he walks, his hips have the tendency to sway. And when he stops it, he walks in a stilted manner.
He hates being made fun of for being who he is - he laughs harder because he wants to drown the laughter.
Chris has to be mentally alert only during dance lessons - he just needs to count his steps.
He likes making fun of himself to make the world laugh - it’s all an act for entertainment.
Hyung Rok has many fears. Some of his fears are completely illogical and would never happen like his fear of being mauled by a tiger (he's got better luck being struck by lightning). Some of his fears are real - he's seen them happen.
He fears getting punished for not being the valedictorian of his school.
He fears being punished for going home late.
He fears that someone will find out about his secret.
He fears being a potential victim of a hate-crime for being who he is.
He fears being punished for being who he is.
He fears being disowned for being who he is.
He fears the Unknown.
And he fears a whole lot more.
Chris has many fears. Most of his fears are very real, like being poisoned by an anti or losing his voice and a whole lot more.
But Chris fears only one thing above all else.
He fears Hyung Rok.
Chris wonders if he'll ever live, once this is all over. He knows it’s inevitable that he’ll be Hyung Rok once again.
Hyung Rok wonders what the best method to die is. Death is an inevitable fact of life, he’s just…preparing for his own.
Chris wishes this could last forever and wonders how long he’ll last.
Hyung Rok wishes it would all just end…
...and wonders how much longer he should last.
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