Fic: Marry U...NOT!!!
Author:
virginangelic
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Crack
Pairings: Shihanchul, Kangteuk, Kyumin, Kihae, Yehwook (ft DBSK)
Summary: PURE CRACK. A discussion with
henrysminihompy on Marry U PV that turned into a crack fic. And what better day to read crack than on April's Fool?
***** ********* ******** *********** *******
In an ornately decorated chapel overflowing with flowers, there was a buzz in the air. Three of Super Junior’s more prominent members were getting married to each other, resulting in many a broken heart. Hotlines for the troubled were jammed from countless fans calling in, threatening to jump as they were one second slower and thus had been unable to get hold of a ticket to the event (or because they said their 'spouse' was marrying someone else without their permission). But...back to the chapel.
A young man with his hair tied up in a pony tail sat in the front wiping his tears away, sniffling and blowing his nose (for what could seem to have been the millionth time although it was more like two).
"I can't believe Chullie's getting married already! It seemed not so long ago that he was in his diapers, screeching for milk..." Teukie wailed.
"Erm...Hyung? You didn't know Heechul until you were eighteen. And it WAS yesterday that he was screeching at Hannie for milk."
"Shut up KangIn! Can't you see I'm having a moment here?" Eeteuk cried in distraught before he let loose a stinging smack across KangIn's face, "And keep your wandering hands to yourself! I'm NOT getting pregnant again! If you want kids so much, you be the one who gets preggers! We've already got Sungmin, Hongki and then we adopted Maddox...I mean, Henry! Do I look like a damn baby making factory to you?!"
"Hyung...we're both..."
"Tissue."
"Yes...hyung," KangIn replied, grumbling; the left side of his face burning red.
Damn it, he cursed, another night of no sex.
"Oh...children, they grow up so fast!" Eeteuk cried, sniffling once again, the pile of tissues on his right growing into a mountain while the boxes of Kleenex on KangIn's left were going down.
"Umma! Appa! Don't I look pretty?" Sungmin pranced towards them, spinning and twirling - well, it was more like a moving whirl of pink and feathers and sparkles.
“Sit down Min; you’re giving Appa a headache,”
Kyuhyun rolled his eyes at his ‘manly’ boyfriend. Yeah right. And he was the intelligent don of the Italian mafia and the yakuza and the triads. Well, that could be possible if he managed to get the connections and play his cards right.
But Sungmin being manly was not happening anytime soon. Not that he minded, because really, Sungmin could do anything he pleased as long as he returned back to their bed at the end of the night.
Both Shiwon and Hangeng were busy adjusting each other's bow ties and wiping non-existent dust off each other's crisp tuxedo suits. Both men looked ridiculously perfect, with nary a strand of hair not in place. When satisfied that their other half was perfect, they entwined their hands together, giving the other a brief squeeze in a show of support and solidarity. Truthfully, the both of them hadn’t wanted this…elaborate ceremony but their princess had requested for something epic and they couldn’t say ‘No’.
Seated two seats behind the Kangteuk, Kibum was nodding off to slumber, his head occasionally bumping onto Donghae’s shoulder. As much as Donghae had an immense crush on the younger, he couldn’t allow the other boy to slobber all over his suit or else Ryeowook would be mad at him and ‘accidentally’ wash his favourite white shirt with Sungmin’s pink objects. Donghae shuddered, thinking of the time when he returned to an all pink room back when he was roommates with Sungmin.
Henry was at the back, playing his violin to the tune of Abba's ‘Money, Money, Money’, entertaining his 'parents'. He had no idea why he suddenly had two parents but he wasn't complaining. Lunar New Year was going to be a blast! Extra money obtained meant that he could make a trip back home and escape from all the insanity he had been experiencing so far. The thought of going back home spurred him to turn up the amplifier and played like no tomorrow.
Yehsung, on the other hand, was still busy squawking about...something as he walked up and down the aisle, flailing his arms to no avail.
"Can anyone hear me?! Henry? Sungmin? Kibum? Can you hear me from where you are?! Hello?! I'm talking here!"
The rest of the attendees were made up of a couple of fan girls who had managed to sneak into the chapel (or rather bribing Shindong, who was the guard at the door with food) and a couple of ahjummas and ahjusshis who got lost while on their way to some television show.
“I never knew young people liked to watch Morning Live!”
“Wait, Morning Live? I thought we were going to watch that Park Hyun Bin trot concert?”
“Oh no, Kim ahjusshi. That concert is in studio 5! This is studio 15!”
“How come there’s a man running up and down?”
“He’s the producer! See, see, he’s yelling instructions! It’s starting! He’s returning to his place! Shush…”
Yehsung had given up and resumed his post at the altar when Eunhyuk suddenly burst into the chapel announcing, "This is Eunhyuk from Super Junior!"
The loud blast of noise outside pierced through the quiet murmur of the place, causing some of the golden folk to have a panic attack.
The fans outside cheered and screamed, all dressed in their finery, waving banners and banners declaring undying devotions. There was a slight pause before every single ELF present started to sing in harmony, Marry U, some looking at their lyric sheets handed out before the event started whilst others were just shouting the words that they knew. Nevertheless, it was undeniably creepy.
"I have got breaking news! Kim Heechul is trying to make a run for it!"
"WHAT?!"
The whole church was in chaos with the revelation upped and scrambled out the church doors, resulting in a stampede. Well truth to be told, the ahjummas and ahjusshis were ambling slowly out of the chapel, having realised they were in the wrong location, which resulted in the massive human jam.
Henry quietly packed up his violin with care and picked up the recording equipments on the floor. Eunhyuk rushed to grab the microphone and gestured to Henry to follow him.
“Good day. This is Super Junior’s No 1 Dancer Eunhyuk. (“YAH! HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY TITLE! Teukie! Look at what…Teukie? Angel?”) Welcome to the wedding of the ShiHanChul. We have a piece of juicy information - it seems that Kim Heechul has decided to be a runaway bride! We’ll keep you informed of the latest update as they come in!”
"Is there still going to be a wedding here?!" Yehsung demanded; shaking his fists at the two grooms who looked at each other before breaking off into a sprint and out the side door, both screaming, "CINDERELLA!!! WE'RE COMING!!!"
Donghae (who grabbed a grumpy Kibum) and Sungmin started chasing after the runaway bride and his two grooms, throwing the pink confetti. Kyuhyun stood up and casually walked out amidst the fluttering confetti much to the crowd's excitement; most of whom were starting to get hoarse from screaming the song.
"So...KangIn Appa! Do you have any comments on the current situation?" Eunhyuk asked, thrusting a microphone at Raccoon's face, who was grinning madly. Eeteuk, who had passed out in shock lied motionless in KangIn’s arms.
"We're going to try for another baby!!!" KangIn said, an evil glint in his eyes as he smirked, eliciting louder shrills and screams from the Kangteuk fans. (Some of whom had woken up from their brief fainting spells only to spasm before they fainted once again).
"And I have a special video message from Dong Bang Shin Ki, ‘live’ all the way from Bora Bora!”
"Good day people. This is your president, Choikang Shim Changmin speaking! I would like to inform you of the latest campaign - ‘One fan, one meal for Changmin!’ So get your wallets ready! I’ll also give away my autographs or any of my hyungs’ while stocks last!"
"We have a country?"
"No, Chunnie! Were you sleeping when the news was announced?"
"What did you expect? He sleeps almost half the year - he's barely awake anyways."
"At least I don't talk in my sleep!"
"I DO NOT!"
"Whatever. I got your bank account anyways."
"Yeah right. What's my account number then?"
"It's...it's...oh wait. I have it somewhere..."
"Children, stop it!"
"Yes, Umma."
"Now you know that my Yunho, I mean, Yunho Appa is about to speak as a result of us being presidents so we have to be presentable and to present a respectable image we need to behave and be proper because as presidents, we..."
"Boojae? Hmm? Can I start?”
“Sorry! Hush!”
“Good day to everyone. This is Yunho speaking. We would like to congratulate the happily married threesome. Wait, are they married yet?"
"Is that even legal?" asked Yoochun before he curled back up to sleep.
"It's Heechul hyung," Changmin stated and the other boys kept quiet. That fact alone could explain everything.
“I remember where I stored your account number! JAEJOONG HYUNG! DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU PUT MY NOTEPAD?" Junsu screamed, in a fit of excitement.
"You WROTE it down?! I'm going to kill you!" yelled an enraged Changmin.
“Ask Yoochun. He does most of the cleaning nowadays,”
"YOOCHUN! WAKE UP! PROTECT ME FROM MIN!"
“I’ll get you for this, duck butt. By the time I’m finished with you, your butt will be pan-seared to golden perfection!”
“HYUNG! HELP ME!”
"Well, have a great day anyways. Thank you for voting us as your presidents! Take care of yourselves! Back to you Eunhyuk!"
"Wait. Eunhyuk can see this?!" cried Junsu, who stopped in his tracks.
"Su-ah, the whole world's watching.”
"Oh. Then Hyukkie has got the world's smelliest feet! Eun Kyang Kyang!" Junsu yelled, doubling back in laughter, knocking Changmin out in the process.
“Junsu?”
“Yes Jae hyung?”
“It’s been nice knowing you. You’d better escape to Timbuktu before Min wakes up.”
While Eunhyuk was busy gritting his teeth in sheer anger, Shindong burst through the crowd and snatched the microphone away from Eunhyuk.
"Di di, Ge ge, Mei mei, Jie Jie, Da Jie Hao! Jiu Ming Ah! Wo shi Shindong!"
The fans continued screaming while in the background, the push cart ice cream and drink sellers were merrily ringing their bells, raking in the money. Fans needed all the replenishment they could get after all. And there was no lack of business.
"Welcome to Super Junior's First Ever Public Wedding! This marks an unprecedented event in history! Let's speak to some of the attendees shall we?"
Turning around, he waved at the fans and held the microphone out.
"Do you have anything to say?"
"SUPER JUNIOR SARANGHAE! SUPER JUNIOR AI SHITERU! SUPER JUNIOR WE LOVE YOU!" the fans chanted before a loud burst of scream was heard.
"Wow! Impressive bunch of people aren't they?"
"News just in. Kim Heechul has announced that he, along with Shiwon and Hankyung are going straight..."
"OMG! YES! OMG NO! BITCH SHUT UP! He's mine!"
"…straight to the airport to elope."
"HUH?! WHAT?! NO!!! HEENIM!!! WHY? Oh shut up, you delusional bitch. He doesn't even know you, how the hell is he going to even marry you? OT3 FOREVER! IN YOUR FACE! No! Shihan’s better than Shichul! No, Hanchul’s better! No, it’s Hanwon! You take that back, you traitor!”
The discussion quickly escalated into a full blown cat fight with hair pulling and screaming with other fans joining in, trying to be the buffer but failing horribly as they got knocked out and collapsed onto each other.
Shindong could merely stand and watch in a mixture of fascination and horror before he decided it was time to see the wedding spread. (And because he was hungry.)
"Okay...let's head to the buffet table and look at the spread that awaits...Kibum?"
The wide screens showed Kibum sitting down, stuffing a piece of cake into his mouth, lost in the pleasure.
"Oh. Hi."
“The fans screamed and more fainted, creating a domino effect as thousands of fans collapsed on top of each other, still screaming and yelling.
"Kibummie! You...you..."
Kibum hid his snigger behind his hands, showing the world his messy hands.
"Bummie! Feed me. FEEED ME..."
Donghae who was wearing an aluminium cap, jumped onto the screen before snaking his arms around Kibum’s waist. His mouth was a mess.
There was a loud ear splitting scream of "KIHAE!" followed by more frequent sporadic screams and shouts.
"Is this your alien receiver thingie? Yay! Hello! My name is Aiden Lee. I is boy. I is dancer, Super Junior. You know Super Junior? Nice weather! Wait! Wait! SUNGMIN! KYUHYUN! KANGIN! TEUKIE! COME COME! Let's dance to U! The aliens want to watch! "
The still breathing fan girls and the even fewer fan boys screamed as the boys started to break into an impromptu performance of their hit song, complete with nosebleed inducing hip thrusts.
The remaining fans, all hoarse were reduced to mere whispers, tried to sing along but to the sweltering heat and exhaustion soon collapsed one by one, like dead flies.
“Well, erm…that’s it for today? You’ve been watching Super Junior’s Marry U Special! This is Shindong! Take care of your health everybody! Goodbye!” Shindong said, waving into the camera.
“And…cut. Good job, Shindong shi,” Henry said, smiling.
“I know. Now let’s get out of here before monkey boy catches us.”
“Who?”
“That.”
Henry turned back, looking at the direction Shindong was pointing at. An enraged roar from Eunhyuk spent the both of them scrambling to pack up. Henry swore he saw a tail sprouting from Eunhyuk’s behind. Without hesitation, the both of them took off running, chased by a visibly irritated Eunhyuk.
A black Audi drove past the seemingly endless lines of unconscious young people before stopping and a young man stepped out, dressed in a crisp black suit.
"Thank you Siwon hyung! I’m sorry I was late. I got distracted by the free make up samples they were giving out at the departmental store!"
“It’s okay, Ryeowook ah,” the gentleman said as Ryeowook apologised once again, bowing his head slightly.
"Yah, hurry up and clean the mess before the media gets here okay Wookie?"
"Yes, Heechul hyung."
"Here are your equipments, Wookie ah. You take care, okay? We'll meet you later at the airport, okay? I’m so sorry I can’t help you…"
A hand stretched out from behind the lowered tinted windows, handing Ryeowook a broom, a dustpan and a box of trash bags.
"Thank you Hankyung hyung! See you later Heechul hyung, Hankyung hyung, Shiwon hyung!"
"Toodles my dearest dongsaeng! Now Wonnie, DRIVE."
“Bye Ryeowook-ah! May Jesus be with you!”
Ryeowook stood in the middle of the chaos, waving his hyungs goodbye. Heechul stuck his hand out and flung his bouquet of flowers at Ryeowook.
It landed right into Ryeowook’s hands before it got unceremoniously dumped into the trash bag the magnae was holding.
"Aish...what a mess," Ryeowook muttered as he surveyed the almost apocalyptic scene before him, with a couple of stray, badly trodden on lyric sheets fluttered away along with the confetti and rubbish that coated the streets.
"Oh well, someone's gotta do the job," he sighed as he started sweeping away all evidence of anything epic happening.
Just then, his cell phone rang.
“What? JongOon? I can’t hear you. You’re breaking up!” Ryeowook cried before removing the cell phone battery and slipping it into his back pocket.
“Sheesh. I can’t believe I got such a clingy husband,” he muttered as he continued sweeping away everything.
*** *** *** ***
"And that is why we cannot have a wedding ceremony concept for the MV for Marry U. It'll be expensive, time consuming AND we'd have a great deal of explaining to the press the next day when the headlines scream, 'Super Junior Massacres Thousands of Fans for MV shooting'"
"But why must Heechul hyung be the one who gets married?! Appa said I could get married first!" Sungmin whined, cradled in Kyuhyun's arms, as the youngest nuzzled against the crook of his lover.
An endless tirade of whys started from the rest of the boys, who had all gathered around Kibum's laptop to watch the special video that Eeteuk specially filmed. Kibum though was asleep - he had long anticipated this and had put on ear plugs before the screening started.
"How did you manage to get that many dolls? I want one! Did you steal them from aliens? Why was my doll Barbie?! I wanted Theresa! Wait, how come no one listens to me?”
The endless cacophony of whines woke Kibum up from his nap and he muttered, “Because no one wants to know about bugs and lame jokes.”
Yehsung, appalled at the revelation, started mumbling about how there would be retribution and something about coffee but then again, no one heard him, as each was trying to make themselves heard over the others. No one noticed when Kibum left the crowded dressing room and headed towards the restroom to sleep. All except Kyuhyun who sat back and had started filming his hyung’s squabbles. After all, it provided excellent blackmail material.
“Popcorn?” Shindong asked, sharing his bag with the youngest.
“Maybe later, if there's any left. I’m filming!”
“More for me then,” Shindong shrugged as he left the room, in search of a well-stocked pantry in the studio. There was bound to be one somewhere...
"And how come I'm the bald doll, Teukie? How can Korea’s No 1 handsome man be bald?! I have hair! Look!" KangIn yelled, trying to make his self heard amidst the screaming and shouting, running his hand against his shortly cropped hair.
Eeteuk sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, as he brought the laptop screen down. He had thought it was an excellent idea at first to dissuade the boys from arguing about who was getting the main lead in the Marry U MV but now, he was left with a bunch of boys who were now arguing as to whose Barbie looked the best. Eeteuk gave up trying to persuade his boys and moved back, observing the scene before him.
"God, someone get me a glass of water and paracetamol. I feel a massive headache coming.”
The End.
Counter Stats
work sydney Counter
virginangelic
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Crack
Pairings: Shihanchul, Kangteuk, Kyumin, Kihae, Yehwook (ft DBSK)
Summary: PURE CRACK. A discussion with
henrysminihompy on Marry U PV that turned into a crack fic. And what better day to read crack than on April's Fool?
***** ********* ******** *********** *******
In an ornately decorated chapel overflowing with flowers, there was a buzz in the air. Three of Super Junior’s more prominent members were getting married to each other, resulting in many a broken heart. Hotlines for the troubled were jammed from countless fans calling in, threatening to jump as they were one second slower and thus had been unable to get hold of a ticket to the event (or because they said their 'spouse' was marrying someone else without their permission). But...back to the chapel.
A young man with his hair tied up in a pony tail sat in the front wiping his tears away, sniffling and blowing his nose (for what could seem to have been the millionth time although it was more like two).
"I can't believe Chullie's getting married already! It seemed not so long ago that he was in his diapers, screeching for milk..." Teukie wailed.
"Erm...Hyung? You didn't know Heechul until you were eighteen. And it WAS yesterday that he was screeching at Hannie for milk."
"Shut up KangIn! Can't you see I'm having a moment here?" Eeteuk cried in distraught before he let loose a stinging smack across KangIn's face, "And keep your wandering hands to yourself! I'm NOT getting pregnant again! If you want kids so much, you be the one who gets preggers! We've already got Sungmin, Hongki and then we adopted Maddox...I mean, Henry! Do I look like a damn baby making factory to you?!"
"Hyung...we're both..."
"Tissue."
"Yes...hyung," KangIn replied, grumbling; the left side of his face burning red.
Damn it, he cursed, another night of no sex.
"Oh...children, they grow up so fast!" Eeteuk cried, sniffling once again, the pile of tissues on his right growing into a mountain while the boxes of Kleenex on KangIn's left were going down.
"Umma! Appa! Don't I look pretty?" Sungmin pranced towards them, spinning and twirling - well, it was more like a moving whirl of pink and feathers and sparkles.
“Sit down Min; you’re giving Appa a headache,”
Kyuhyun rolled his eyes at his ‘manly’ boyfriend. Yeah right. And he was the intelligent don of the Italian mafia and the yakuza and the triads. Well, that could be possible if he managed to get the connections and play his cards right.
But Sungmin being manly was not happening anytime soon. Not that he minded, because really, Sungmin could do anything he pleased as long as he returned back to their bed at the end of the night.
Both Shiwon and Hangeng were busy adjusting each other's bow ties and wiping non-existent dust off each other's crisp tuxedo suits. Both men looked ridiculously perfect, with nary a strand of hair not in place. When satisfied that their other half was perfect, they entwined their hands together, giving the other a brief squeeze in a show of support and solidarity. Truthfully, the both of them hadn’t wanted this…elaborate ceremony but their princess had requested for something epic and they couldn’t say ‘No’.
Seated two seats behind the Kangteuk, Kibum was nodding off to slumber, his head occasionally bumping onto Donghae’s shoulder. As much as Donghae had an immense crush on the younger, he couldn’t allow the other boy to slobber all over his suit or else Ryeowook would be mad at him and ‘accidentally’ wash his favourite white shirt with Sungmin’s pink objects. Donghae shuddered, thinking of the time when he returned to an all pink room back when he was roommates with Sungmin.
Henry was at the back, playing his violin to the tune of Abba's ‘Money, Money, Money’, entertaining his 'parents'. He had no idea why he suddenly had two parents but he wasn't complaining. Lunar New Year was going to be a blast! Extra money obtained meant that he could make a trip back home and escape from all the insanity he had been experiencing so far. The thought of going back home spurred him to turn up the amplifier and played like no tomorrow.
Yehsung, on the other hand, was still busy squawking about...something as he walked up and down the aisle, flailing his arms to no avail.
"Can anyone hear me?! Henry? Sungmin? Kibum? Can you hear me from where you are?! Hello?! I'm talking here!"
The rest of the attendees were made up of a couple of fan girls who had managed to sneak into the chapel (or rather bribing Shindong, who was the guard at the door with food) and a couple of ahjummas and ahjusshis who got lost while on their way to some television show.
“I never knew young people liked to watch Morning Live!”
“Wait, Morning Live? I thought we were going to watch that Park Hyun Bin trot concert?”
“Oh no, Kim ahjusshi. That concert is in studio 5! This is studio 15!”
“How come there’s a man running up and down?”
“He’s the producer! See, see, he’s yelling instructions! It’s starting! He’s returning to his place! Shush…”
Yehsung had given up and resumed his post at the altar when Eunhyuk suddenly burst into the chapel announcing, "This is Eunhyuk from Super Junior!"
The loud blast of noise outside pierced through the quiet murmur of the place, causing some of the golden folk to have a panic attack.
The fans outside cheered and screamed, all dressed in their finery, waving banners and banners declaring undying devotions. There was a slight pause before every single ELF present started to sing in harmony, Marry U, some looking at their lyric sheets handed out before the event started whilst others were just shouting the words that they knew. Nevertheless, it was undeniably creepy.
"I have got breaking news! Kim Heechul is trying to make a run for it!"
"WHAT?!"
The whole church was in chaos with the revelation upped and scrambled out the church doors, resulting in a stampede. Well truth to be told, the ahjummas and ahjusshis were ambling slowly out of the chapel, having realised they were in the wrong location, which resulted in the massive human jam.
Henry quietly packed up his violin with care and picked up the recording equipments on the floor. Eunhyuk rushed to grab the microphone and gestured to Henry to follow him.
“Good day. This is Super Junior’s No 1 Dancer Eunhyuk. (“YAH! HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY TITLE! Teukie! Look at what…Teukie? Angel?”) Welcome to the wedding of the ShiHanChul. We have a piece of juicy information - it seems that Kim Heechul has decided to be a runaway bride! We’ll keep you informed of the latest update as they come in!”
"Is there still going to be a wedding here?!" Yehsung demanded; shaking his fists at the two grooms who looked at each other before breaking off into a sprint and out the side door, both screaming, "CINDERELLA!!! WE'RE COMING!!!"
Donghae (who grabbed a grumpy Kibum) and Sungmin started chasing after the runaway bride and his two grooms, throwing the pink confetti. Kyuhyun stood up and casually walked out amidst the fluttering confetti much to the crowd's excitement; most of whom were starting to get hoarse from screaming the song.
"So...KangIn Appa! Do you have any comments on the current situation?" Eunhyuk asked, thrusting a microphone at Raccoon's face, who was grinning madly. Eeteuk, who had passed out in shock lied motionless in KangIn’s arms.
"We're going to try for another baby!!!" KangIn said, an evil glint in his eyes as he smirked, eliciting louder shrills and screams from the Kangteuk fans. (Some of whom had woken up from their brief fainting spells only to spasm before they fainted once again).
"And I have a special video message from Dong Bang Shin Ki, ‘live’ all the way from Bora Bora!”
"Good day people. This is your president, Choikang Shim Changmin speaking! I would like to inform you of the latest campaign - ‘One fan, one meal for Changmin!’ So get your wallets ready! I’ll also give away my autographs or any of my hyungs’ while stocks last!"
"We have a country?"
"No, Chunnie! Were you sleeping when the news was announced?"
"What did you expect? He sleeps almost half the year - he's barely awake anyways."
"At least I don't talk in my sleep!"
"I DO NOT!"
"Whatever. I got your bank account anyways."
"Yeah right. What's my account number then?"
"It's...it's...oh wait. I have it somewhere..."
"Children, stop it!"
"Yes, Umma."
"Now you know that my Yunho, I mean, Yunho Appa is about to speak as a result of us being presidents so we have to be presentable and to present a respectable image we need to behave and be proper because as presidents, we..."
"Boojae? Hmm? Can I start?”
“Sorry! Hush!”
“Good day to everyone. This is Yunho speaking. We would like to congratulate the happily married threesome. Wait, are they married yet?"
"Is that even legal?" asked Yoochun before he curled back up to sleep.
"It's Heechul hyung," Changmin stated and the other boys kept quiet. That fact alone could explain everything.
“I remember where I stored your account number! JAEJOONG HYUNG! DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU PUT MY NOTEPAD?" Junsu screamed, in a fit of excitement.
"You WROTE it down?! I'm going to kill you!" yelled an enraged Changmin.
“Ask Yoochun. He does most of the cleaning nowadays,”
"YOOCHUN! WAKE UP! PROTECT ME FROM MIN!"
“I’ll get you for this, duck butt. By the time I’m finished with you, your butt will be pan-seared to golden perfection!”
“HYUNG! HELP ME!”
"Well, have a great day anyways. Thank you for voting us as your presidents! Take care of yourselves! Back to you Eunhyuk!"
"Wait. Eunhyuk can see this?!" cried Junsu, who stopped in his tracks.
"Su-ah, the whole world's watching.”
"Oh. Then Hyukkie has got the world's smelliest feet! Eun Kyang Kyang!" Junsu yelled, doubling back in laughter, knocking Changmin out in the process.
“Junsu?”
“Yes Jae hyung?”
“It’s been nice knowing you. You’d better escape to Timbuktu before Min wakes up.”
While Eunhyuk was busy gritting his teeth in sheer anger, Shindong burst through the crowd and snatched the microphone away from Eunhyuk.
"Di di, Ge ge, Mei mei, Jie Jie, Da Jie Hao! Jiu Ming Ah! Wo shi Shindong!"
The fans continued screaming while in the background, the push cart ice cream and drink sellers were merrily ringing their bells, raking in the money. Fans needed all the replenishment they could get after all. And there was no lack of business.
"Welcome to Super Junior's First Ever Public Wedding! This marks an unprecedented event in history! Let's speak to some of the attendees shall we?"
Turning around, he waved at the fans and held the microphone out.
"Do you have anything to say?"
"SUPER JUNIOR SARANGHAE! SUPER JUNIOR AI SHITERU! SUPER JUNIOR WE LOVE YOU!" the fans chanted before a loud burst of scream was heard.
"Wow! Impressive bunch of people aren't they?"
"News just in. Kim Heechul has announced that he, along with Shiwon and Hankyung are going straight..."
"OMG! YES! OMG NO! BITCH SHUT UP! He's mine!"
"…straight to the airport to elope."
"HUH?! WHAT?! NO!!! HEENIM!!! WHY? Oh shut up, you delusional bitch. He doesn't even know you, how the hell is he going to even marry you? OT3 FOREVER! IN YOUR FACE! No! Shihan’s better than Shichul! No, Hanchul’s better! No, it’s Hanwon! You take that back, you traitor!”
The discussion quickly escalated into a full blown cat fight with hair pulling and screaming with other fans joining in, trying to be the buffer but failing horribly as they got knocked out and collapsed onto each other.
Shindong could merely stand and watch in a mixture of fascination and horror before he decided it was time to see the wedding spread. (And because he was hungry.)
"Okay...let's head to the buffet table and look at the spread that awaits...Kibum?"
The wide screens showed Kibum sitting down, stuffing a piece of cake into his mouth, lost in the pleasure.
"Oh. Hi."
“The fans screamed and more fainted, creating a domino effect as thousands of fans collapsed on top of each other, still screaming and yelling.
"Kibummie! You...you..."
Kibum hid his snigger behind his hands, showing the world his messy hands.
"Bummie! Feed me. FEEED ME..."
Donghae who was wearing an aluminium cap, jumped onto the screen before snaking his arms around Kibum’s waist. His mouth was a mess.
There was a loud ear splitting scream of "KIHAE!" followed by more frequent sporadic screams and shouts.
"Is this your alien receiver thingie? Yay! Hello! My name is Aiden Lee. I is boy. I is dancer, Super Junior. You know Super Junior? Nice weather! Wait! Wait! SUNGMIN! KYUHYUN! KANGIN! TEUKIE! COME COME! Let's dance to U! The aliens want to watch! "
The still breathing fan girls and the even fewer fan boys screamed as the boys started to break into an impromptu performance of their hit song, complete with nosebleed inducing hip thrusts.
The remaining fans, all hoarse were reduced to mere whispers, tried to sing along but to the sweltering heat and exhaustion soon collapsed one by one, like dead flies.
“Well, erm…that’s it for today? You’ve been watching Super Junior’s Marry U Special! This is Shindong! Take care of your health everybody! Goodbye!” Shindong said, waving into the camera.
“And…cut. Good job, Shindong shi,” Henry said, smiling.
“I know. Now let’s get out of here before monkey boy catches us.”
“Who?”
“That.”
Henry turned back, looking at the direction Shindong was pointing at. An enraged roar from Eunhyuk spent the both of them scrambling to pack up. Henry swore he saw a tail sprouting from Eunhyuk’s behind. Without hesitation, the both of them took off running, chased by a visibly irritated Eunhyuk.
A black Audi drove past the seemingly endless lines of unconscious young people before stopping and a young man stepped out, dressed in a crisp black suit.
"Thank you Siwon hyung! I’m sorry I was late. I got distracted by the free make up samples they were giving out at the departmental store!"
“It’s okay, Ryeowook ah,” the gentleman said as Ryeowook apologised once again, bowing his head slightly.
"Yah, hurry up and clean the mess before the media gets here okay Wookie?"
"Yes, Heechul hyung."
"Here are your equipments, Wookie ah. You take care, okay? We'll meet you later at the airport, okay? I’m so sorry I can’t help you…"
A hand stretched out from behind the lowered tinted windows, handing Ryeowook a broom, a dustpan and a box of trash bags.
"Thank you Hankyung hyung! See you later Heechul hyung, Hankyung hyung, Shiwon hyung!"
"Toodles my dearest dongsaeng! Now Wonnie, DRIVE."
“Bye Ryeowook-ah! May Jesus be with you!”
Ryeowook stood in the middle of the chaos, waving his hyungs goodbye. Heechul stuck his hand out and flung his bouquet of flowers at Ryeowook.
It landed right into Ryeowook’s hands before it got unceremoniously dumped into the trash bag the magnae was holding.
"Aish...what a mess," Ryeowook muttered as he surveyed the almost apocalyptic scene before him, with a couple of stray, badly trodden on lyric sheets fluttered away along with the confetti and rubbish that coated the streets.
"Oh well, someone's gotta do the job," he sighed as he started sweeping away all evidence of anything epic happening.
Just then, his cell phone rang.
“What? JongOon? I can’t hear you. You’re breaking up!” Ryeowook cried before removing the cell phone battery and slipping it into his back pocket.
“Sheesh. I can’t believe I got such a clingy husband,” he muttered as he continued sweeping away everything.
*** *** *** ***
"And that is why we cannot have a wedding ceremony concept for the MV for Marry U. It'll be expensive, time consuming AND we'd have a great deal of explaining to the press the next day when the headlines scream, 'Super Junior Massacres Thousands of Fans for MV shooting'"
"But why must Heechul hyung be the one who gets married?! Appa said I could get married first!" Sungmin whined, cradled in Kyuhyun's arms, as the youngest nuzzled against the crook of his lover.
An endless tirade of whys started from the rest of the boys, who had all gathered around Kibum's laptop to watch the special video that Eeteuk specially filmed. Kibum though was asleep - he had long anticipated this and had put on ear plugs before the screening started.
"How did you manage to get that many dolls? I want one! Did you steal them from aliens? Why was my doll Barbie?! I wanted Theresa! Wait, how come no one listens to me?”
The endless cacophony of whines woke Kibum up from his nap and he muttered, “Because no one wants to know about bugs and lame jokes.”
Yehsung, appalled at the revelation, started mumbling about how there would be retribution and something about coffee but then again, no one heard him, as each was trying to make themselves heard over the others. No one noticed when Kibum left the crowded dressing room and headed towards the restroom to sleep. All except Kyuhyun who sat back and had started filming his hyung’s squabbles. After all, it provided excellent blackmail material.
“Popcorn?” Shindong asked, sharing his bag with the youngest.
“Maybe later, if there's any left. I’m filming!”
“More for me then,” Shindong shrugged as he left the room, in search of a well-stocked pantry in the studio. There was bound to be one somewhere...
"And how come I'm the bald doll, Teukie? How can Korea’s No 1 handsome man be bald?! I have hair! Look!" KangIn yelled, trying to make his self heard amidst the screaming and shouting, running his hand against his shortly cropped hair.
Eeteuk sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, as he brought the laptop screen down. He had thought it was an excellent idea at first to dissuade the boys from arguing about who was getting the main lead in the Marry U MV but now, he was left with a bunch of boys who were now arguing as to whose Barbie looked the best. Eeteuk gave up trying to persuade his boys and moved back, observing the scene before him.
"God, someone get me a glass of water and paracetamol. I feel a massive headache coming.”
The End.
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