Get me a box of dark chocs, a couple of DVDs and leave me alone for a while
Going through a couple of friends' blogs, I can't help but wonder if things will be alright for me. Maybe reading all the tad depressive entries have made me pensive, I'm not certain but I am very very sure that at this point in time, I feel awkward. Like I'm being left behind.
Everyone whom I've known since primary and secondary school (what seemed like only yesterday is eons ago) are writing about grappling adult issues. Like relationships, of finances and of course higher education. They muse about truckload of exam papers, of upcoming plans and of course, the all important university.
I can't help but wonder why I don't feel the pressure, the anxiety of getting into a university. What is freaking wrong with me?! Argh. Intelligent beings, capable of producing more intellectual thoughts and discussions are fretting whether or not they can even get into a university. And I...here I am, trawling forums just to read fan reactions to the addition of a new member to an idol group - for kicks. T.T
Suddenly, I feel as though I've wasted my life away and yet, I feel as though my life is fine the way it is. (Well, not really but in terms of satisfaction, I think we're getting there)
Sigh...of course, then there are the 17 yr olds who wonder if maturity will suddenly appear overnight when they turn 18. And looking back, I realise that I cannot answer that as confidently as some of my friends have. Have I somehow matured as a person? I...I don't think so and that thought both scares and consoles me at the same time (if that is even possible).
In December, when reunions start, I wonder if I'll be able to connect with these bunch of young adults or whether I would be the eccentric sitting in the corner, sipping cherryade.
I wonder...if things will be any different in three years time when we're having a 5 yr sec sch reunion. IF that is possible in the first place.
And suddenly, I'm faced with the knowledge of my mortality. I don't know if I will live that long to see them. But I hope I do.