fic - Johnny's & Associates - Finding Home
Title: Finding Home
Author: virdant
Length: 3788 words
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Gen
Pairing: implied Kamenashi/Taguchi; mentions of Taguchi/Komine Rena
Summary: Taguchi, a cis-male, wakes up to realize his body is now female. Kamenashi, who's always thought of himself as a cis-male, realizes that maybe he isn't. The two of them move towards understanding.
Warning: Lots of discussion of sex and gender. A heavy emphasis on the difference between the female sex and the woman gender. A heavy emphasis on the female sex and male sex. Lots of discussion on the woman gender and the man gender. Sex changes, genderbending.
Notes: I don't claim to be an expert on the distinctions between gender and biological sex. I am not a biologist focusing on the human body. This story is not intended to be funny. It is not intended to offended. This is probably the only time where I will screen/delete comments that are offensive, not because I don't feel comfortable handling criticism of my writing, but because from my time in fandom, I am excessively aware of how ignorant fandom can be of this issue. I have tried to make the distinction in the story, but because of the narration, some of the characters aren't making that same distinction. Please refrain from being ignorant of this distinction in your comments, it is not hard to distinguish between biological sex (male & female) and gender (man & woman or guy & girl.)
Finding Home
“Kazuya?”
“Taguchi? Why are you calling me at... two in the morning?”
“Well, I don't think I can go to work tomorrow. I have a bit of a problem.”
“You always have a problem, Taguchi. What happened? Are you alright?””
“Well, uh. I'm female.”
*
The only thing more disturbing than getting a phone call from Taguchi at two in the morning was getting a phone call from Taguchi at two in the morning telling him that Taguchi was going to be late to work because he had to find a way to explain dropping about 10 cm in height.
“You're worried about explaining getting short, but you're not worried about the fact that you somehow got boobs?” Kamenashi snapped as he started to boil water for tea, ignoring Taguchi studying Kamenashi's meager collection of video games by the television. “Really?”
“Well, Yamashita-kun's got bigger ones than me. Even now.”
Kamenashi closed his eyes and tried to remember his hiragana backwards for the next time he got caught punching a taxi-driver and had to prove that he wasn't completely drunk out of his mind.
“And losing 10 centimeters is pretty important, Kazuya! Nobody will be able to see me when I stand in the back for photo-shoots.”
“You are not going to work as a girl!” Kamenashi grit his teeth tightly, trying to ignore the fact that even though Taguchi's voice was higher, it still sounded the same, with the same texture and inflection. It was jarring to hear Taguchi's voice like this. He focused on watching the kettle boil. “You're going to go back to your apartment and hide until Management decides what to do.”
“Don't you think I should see a doctor about this?”
Kamenashi closed his eyes. “Maybe. Yes. I don't know.” He turned to Taguchi, who was wearing a tour T-shirt that was too broad around the shoulders and jeans that had their legs rolled up to his ankles. His hair was short, even as a girl-or perhaps because Taguchi was still a guy, and hair couldn't possibly grow long in the twenty minutes that he had gone from guy to girl. His pants were belted around his hips, and ironically enough, they weren't too large on him. Maybe it was because Taguchi as a guy had always been long and lean.
Taguchi padded into the kitchen. It was strange how even though Taguchi was no longer practically a hand-width taller than him, he still seemed taller. “Don't worry,” he said as Kamenashi poured them cups of tea. “I'll be alright. I'll talk to Management and explain everything, and we'll figure something out. Maybe I can go to LA!”
Kame dropped his cup, and it smashed into pieces at his feet.
“Don't move,” Taguchi said calmly as he put his cup down and bent down to pick up the pieces. “I was only joking, Kazuya. I wouldn't leave KAT-TUN. Not even if I'm female.”
*
“Even though he's flat as a board-”
“Koki! Don't put it like that!”
“I think the fans would notice if Taguchi started wearing heels.” Koki shrugged at Nakamaru apologetically. “Everybody knows that Taguchi's the only tall one out of the lot of us.”
“I'm not short,” Kamenashi protested.
“In your head, Kame-chan,” Ueda retorted. “So what have management decided to do with you?”
“I'm not sure, Uepi,” Taguchi tapped the stylus against the DS thoughtfully as he slouched in a chair, fiddling with his latest game. “I suppose I'd go on hiatus. Ah, maybe I'll get injured.”
“Don't say stuff like that,” Kamenashi snapped.
“That was pretty tasteless,” Nakamaru agreed. “What if you really get hurt now?”
Taguchi shrugged easily. “We'll see what management decides, shall we?” He grinned at them before turning towards his game again. “Shit! Damnit! Die die die!”
*
“Are you sure you should be cursing?” Kamenashi began as the others had slowly left, leaving Kamenashi and Taguchi alone in the room.
Taguchi looked up from his game. “What?”
Kamenashi gestured vaguely towards his chest. “You're a girl now, aren't you? Are you sure you should be swearing while you're all... girly?”
Taguchi laughed, eyes flicking between his DS and Kamenashi. “I'm female, but I'm still a man, Kazuya.”
Kamenashi shook his head, trying to figure out the words. “It's... bad for your image,” he finally said, trying to justify Taguchi with his hair curling around his chin, the softer features staring out at him.
“Oh?” Taguchi closed the DS, and Kamenashi blinked at the sight of Taguchi willingly turning off his game. “It's not off,” Taguchi added with a bemused look. “The DS pauses automatically.”
“Oh.” Kamenashi bit his lip.
Taguchi smiled. “Kazuya, I've spent the past... however many years of my life dressing up as a girl. I even did it on national television. And I've sworn too. Sometimes at the same time. There's no problem with this, Kazuya.”
“That was for a drama role!”
Taguchi laughed. “And I was damn hot as a girl in that, wasn't I? I think Yokoyama-kun may have been more convincing than me though.”
Kamenashi shook his head. “I don't know how you can be so calm, Junno.”
Taguchi looked soberly at Kazuya. “By being like a palm tree.” He beamed. “Just kidding.”
*
Taguchi spent the night on the couch, even though he was the one in a female body and Kamenashi was the one in a male.
“I would feel bad kicking you out of your bed.”
“I would feel bad letting a lady sleep on the couch,” Kamenashi retorted.
“Don't be silly,” Taguchi said easily. “I'm still me. And you totally took over the most comfortable chair in the Green Room the other day, so don't be ridiculous now that I'm female, Kazuya.”
“I was raised to be kind to girls.”
“I'm not a girl.”
“I...”
“Take the bed, Kazuya.” Taguchi unfolded the blanket, covering his legs with it as he pressed buttons furiously on his DS.
“You aren't going back to your apartment?”
Taguchi shrugged. “Management said it would be best if I didn't go back to my apartment, Remember? It'd seem odd if tabloids caught me like this walking into the apartment of Taguchi Junnosuke, idol.”
“Oh. Right.”
Taguchi nodded. “Good night, Kazuya.”
“Did you tell Komine?”
Taguchi glanced down at himself with a wry smile. “I sent her a message that something's come up, and I was staying with you, and not to worry.”
“You aren't going to stay with Komine? Was that management's decision? But she's your girlfriend...”
Taguchi smiled. “Good night, Kazuya,” he said pointedly, before turning back to his DS.
*
The next morning was strange.
When Kamenashi stumbled out of the bathroom, his hair damp and sticking to the planes of his cheeks, it was to Taguchi sitting at the dining table drinking a cup of juice, hair pushed behind his ears as he read what looked like a message from their manager on his phone.
“What's that about?” Kamenashi asked. He sat down with a glass of water.
“Just a message from our manager saying what we're going to do while I'm like this. We're going to push some recordings back, and focus more on the plans and logistics for our tour. Photo-shoots will be done too, and they'll just use the right angles and Photoshop sharper features in so nobody will be able to tell that I'm like this.”
“But we can't do recordings?”
“We could,” Taguchi said calmly. “But Manager-san says that it's harder for the producers to come up with a marketing pitch if they have to change the pitch of my voice.”
“Oh.” He glanced at Taguchi, lounging casually in the chair. “I mean... But you can't tell. I mean.”
Taguchi laughed, the sound exactly the same as usual.
“That was a horrible pun, Taguchi.”
*
Taguchi spent the day in another series of meetings with Management, trying to figure out how he would work while a woman.
“Female,” he corrected politely, a smile permanently etched onto his lips.
Julie raised an eyebrow at him. “Female,” she echoed, smiling sardonically. “Of course, Taguchi-kun.”
Taguchi smiled back. “Thank you for understanding.”
*
“Is it fun?” Kamenashi asked. It was two in the morning again, and Taguchi was curled comfortably up on Kamenashi's sofa, dressed in a too-large T-shirt and sweatpants, playing a puzzle game on his DS.
“The game?” Taguchi frowned. “I guess. I've beaten it already, so now I'm just trying to get all the rest of the puzzles.”
“I mean...” Kamenashi gestured towards his chest, feeling uncomfortable. “Being a girl.”
Taguchi shrugged. “I try not to think about it.”
“But what is it like?” Kamenashi pressed.
Taguchi pursed his lips in thought. “Looking into a mirror is strange,” he finally said. “Because my eyes are the same shape, and they crinkle the same way-I compared it with pictures, because I wasn't sure how my face had changed-but my nose isn't quite as defined. My jawline is softer, but everything still sits at the same place.” His eyes went distant before he continued, “I walk differently.”
“But you aren't wearing heels,” he began.
“It's not the clothing. It's the way the hips work. It's easier to saunter, did you know that?” He stood up to demonstrate. “As a girl, your hips just kinda wiggle. Even if you aren't trying. It makes it so much easier to just saunter down all slow. It's actually comfortable.”
Kamenashi bit his lip, watching the fabric crinkle lazily around Taguchi long legs as he stalked in a circle. He wasn't even trying to move his hips, but it was clear that he was slinking.
“I don't have large breasts,” Taguchi added, almost clinically,“So the weight of my upper body isn't all that changed. But my center of gravity is different. It's lower now, so it's actually be harder to do flips.” He grinned. “I tried to do a back-flip and almost broke my back after talking to Management. I guess Koki will be taking my place as the acrobat of the group while I'm like this.”
“You look different,” Kamenashi admitted. “Like a girl.”
“But I don't feel it,” Taguchi said calmly. “I feel the same way I've felt for years, Kazuya.”
“How can you sit there and just list off your body and not care about it?”
Taguchi smiled. “Because this is just a body. I'm a guy; you know that, Kazuya.”
“Well,” Kamenashi spat out, “maybe I don't.”
*
“Tilt your head back, Taguchi-kun,” the photographer said politely.
Taguchi obliged.
“Are you sure nobody will notice?” Kamenashi asked from where he was getting his make-up touched up. “He looks like a girl.”
Taguchi's eyes flickered away from the spot behind the camera he had been focusing at to focus on Kame before turning away again.
The photographer smirked. “We'll be running your pictures through Photoshop either way, Kamenashi-kun. It's no trouble to sharpen Taguchi-kun's features.”
“It's damned weird to hear him called Taguchi-kun when he's a girl,” Koki muttered to Nakamaru.
The photographer shrugged. “Taguchi-kun requested it.”
Taguchi beamed into the camera, mouth stretching at the corners, eyes crinkling into crescents.
Ueda shrugged, holding still as the makeup artist adjusted a sequin on his face. “Let Taguchi do whatever he wants,” he said flatly.
“Iriguchi, deguchi, Taguchi desu,” Taguchi chirped, deliberately pitching his voice higher, hands moving effortlessly into his pun.
The rest of KAT-TUN exchanged looks. “How is that cute when a girl does it?” Koki asked.
Taguchi smiled sweetly back.
*
“What are you going to do,” Kamenashi said as the two of them sat on his couch, Kamenashi's toes brushing against Taguchi's ankles, “When you know, you start bleeding?”
“Buy tampons and say that they're for Rena when the tabloids catch the flow?”
*
“Dude, what the hell,” Koki said as they walked into their meeting room the next day, several days after Taguchi had come home from a bar to realize that he was female. “What have you been eating; did you get fat, Taguchi?”
Taguchi stared blankly back. “What?”
The rest of KAT-TUN glanced at Taguchi.
“What happened to your muscles?” Koki said. He stepped forward, poking experimentally at a bicep. “Dude, it's all flabby.”
Taguchi twitched. “I didn't get fat.” His voice was polite, a smile plastered on his face. “You just got a hat!”
Kamenashi hid a smile behind a hand.
“I'm not wearing a hat,” Koki said. He made as if to kick Taguchi, but then paused. “I can't kick a girl,” he muttered.
“Small mercies,” Taguchi quipped, slinging an arm around Ueda. “Uepi,” he said cheerfully, “you look quite dead on your feet.”
Ueda shrugged Taguchi off easily. “Are you not working out?”
“I'm female,” Taguchi replied, sliding away from Ueda to lounge on a chair. “I have a lower muscle mass, and it's all under fat instead of over.”
Nakamaru raised an eyebrow. “You did your research.”
Taguchi leered at Nakamaru. “I'm buff underneath, and that's what matters, right?” He ran a hand languidly down his side, grinning wickedly.
Nakamaru shuddered. “Don't do that when you're a girl.”
“Female,” Taguchi corrected, smile shifting from shit-eating to amused. “Not a girl. Female.”
*
“Why haven't you cried yet?”
“Just because my body is more prone to emotionality doesn't mean that my mind is.”
“Koki called you fat,” Kamenashi said.
“Koki's believes that bling makes you a gangster.” Taguchi smiled wryly at Kamenashi. “Did you know that males also get PMS?”
Kamenashi's face twisted.
“They get the same changes in hormone levels on a monthly basis.”
“Who told you that?”
“I looked it up once. The internet's really exciting, Kazuya.” Taguchi beamed.
“I think,” Kamenashi said, looking away from Taguchi, “I think that you're way too calm about this.”
“I'm freaking out on the inside, I can promise you that.” Taguchi laughed. “But there are worse things to panic about.”
“Like what?”
Taguchi laughed. “Like not turning back to a male before we have to record our single, or having to perform when on a period, or, you know, Nintendo going bankrupt.”
*
“That was uncalled for.” Taguchi's voice was deadly cold. He stood up from the chair, his feet spread apart and his knees bent.
“Taguchi,” Ueda began. Then he shook his head. “Just don't hit the face. Company rules.”
Nishikido Ryo laughed. “What are you going to do, cry?”
“Alright,” Koki snapped. “That's pushing it.”
“Your precious little bandmate's a girl now.” Nishikido smirked. “And he's short. I guess maybe he would fit in better with this crowd now that he's lost his dick.”
“Female,” Nakamaru corrected, eyes narrowed. “And you should leave, Nishikido-kun.”
Nishikido leered at Taguchi. “You aren't even a hot girl. You're not even hot enough to stay, you might as well quit now before you get thrown out.”
Kamenashi grit his teeth, putting that insult aside for revenge later, when Nishikido wouldn't expect it.
“I'm never going to abandon KAT-TUN. Take that back,” Taguchi said flatly. “Now.”
“Or what?” Nishikido snorted. “You'll cry at me? You're a girl now, Junko, what's the most you can do?”
Taguchi threw the first punch at Nishikido's nose. Ueda slid between them, catching Taguchi by the wrist and putting his body in front of Nishikido. “You know the rules, Taguchi!”
Nishikido smirked. “Alright. You want to fight it out? I can fight it out. I'm not a girl.”
Taguchi's second punch was to the solar plexus. Kamenashi winced at the thump. That would leave a bruise.
Nishikido doubled over, wincing. “You punch like a girl,” he spat.
“No,” Taguchi corrected. “A female. One that's got far more upper body muscle mass than you, Nishikido-kun.”
*
“It was Nishikido-kun's fault,” Kamenashi said to KAT-TUN's manager. “He provoked Taguchi. Almost assaulted him. I think maybe the stress is getting to him, if he has to pick fights with KAT-TUN.”
“Are you sure that's what happened, Kamenashi-kun? Nishikido-kun said that Taguchi threw the first punch.”
“It was in self-defense.” Kamenashi smiled tightly. “Nishikido-kun was about to attack Taguchi.”
“I'm expecting you to give me a completely honest account, Kamenashi-kun.”
Kamenashi bowed. “I wouldn't lie about something like this, Manager-san.”
*
“You know, I'm surprised we haven't been caught by the tabloids yet,” Taguchi commented offhandedly, two in the morning again and curled up on Kamenashi's couch with an RPG. “You'd think that they'd be discussing your new roommate by now.”
The next day, Bubka ran an article about Kamenashi new girlfriend, and how they were living together.
Friday ran an article about Kamenashi stopping by a conbini to buy tampons.
*
Kamenashi blinked as the elevator door opened.
“You bastard,” Komine spat at Kamenashi, stepping forward, practically shaking with rage.. “How could you take advantage of Junnosuke like that? You invite him to stay over, and then you bring a girlfriend over all the time?”
Kamenashi opened his mouth. And then he saw Taguchi standing behind her, a frown on his face. “Taguchi,” he began.
“Rena,” Taguchi said softly, interrupting him. “Hi.”
Komine turned, facing Taguchi. “Who are... Junnosuke?”
Taguchi nodded. “It's hard to explain,” he began.
She stared. “You're a girl.”
Taguchi's mouth twisted. “I'm female,” he corrected.
“What's that?” she spat back. “You're a tranny? What, you didn't feel happy in your old body so you had to do this? Is this type of sick joke?” She laughed bitterly.
“I'm a man,” Taguchi replied, his eyes narrowed, mouth twisted into a scowl. “I can't explain this, it just happened. I came back from the bar one night and I was like this. It's not supposed to happen, and I get that you aren't attracted to females but-”
“I thought you were a man,” Komine replied. “But I guess you really weren't. A girl all this time, huh? And you're staying with Kamenashi-kun, aren’t you? I guess I was just an excuse for you. A pretty thing to dangle in front of the cameras so no one would suspect.”
Taguchi glanced at Kamenashi. “I'm a man,” he said flatly. “And I am very much attracted to females. I'm just trapped in a female body.”
Komine rolled her eyes. “Oh, forgive me. I should have realized that Kamenashi was the girl in the relationship.”
Kamenashi flinched, as if struck.
Taguchi moved, shifting so he was standing between Komine and Kamenashi. “Rena-chan,” he said quietly, his eyes dark. “That wasn't polite.”
Rena laughed hysterically. “What else am I supposed to think when I realize that my boyfriend hasn't been to his apartment and has been staying at Kamenashi-kun's? What am I supposed to think when I hear that Kamenashi has a girl over, all the time. What else am I supposed to think when my boyfriend doesn't talk to me?” She shook her head, and Kamenashi wondered if she would cry.
Taguchi smiled sadly. “You're supposed to trust me when I say that I'll tell you all about it later.”
“Trust you?” She stepped back. “I don't even know you anymore, Junnosuke.”
“Rena,” Taguchi began.
“He's still Taguchi,” Kamenashi said from behind Taguchi. What was this, the girl protecting the guy? He tried to step around Taguchi, but despite his reduced height, Taguchi was a steady presence between him and Komine. No, Kamenashi thought. It was the guy protecting the girl. He stepped to the side, so he could make eye contact with Komine. “He still... he still plays video games all the time, and he's always making bad jokes. He laughs like a hyena. He's still Taguchi Junnosuke. He's just...”
Taguchi glanced at Kamenashi.
“Female.”
*
“I'm sorry for Rena,” Taguchi said.
“It's not your fault,” Kamenashi replied automatically. But then he shook his head. “She's right.”
“What?” Taguchi blinked. “Kazuya, it was a misunderstanding. I'll explain things to her, and maybe it won't end up working out between us, but this isn't your fault at all.”
Kamenashi shook his head. “No. Not that. I mean. She's right. I am the girl in the relationship.”
Taguchi stared.
Kamenashi swallowed tightly. “I'm not a man.”
Taguchi shook his head slightly. “Kazuya,” he began.
“I'm male,” Kamenashi said tightly. “But I'm not a man. I can't even imagine... how can you handle it, feeling so wrong?”
Taguchi smiled, before leaning forward and wrapping Kamenashi in a hug. “I would tell you to cry it out,” Taguchi said softly, “but it won't do anything for you, would it?”
Kamenashi laughed bitterly, hating this body, wishing for a body that would give him relief with tears.
“Shall I call you Kazuko?” Taguchi asked gently, and it wasn't a joke, it wasn't teasing. It was honest and questioning. It was Taguchi accepting him.
“It should have been me,” Kamenashi replied, not wanting to face Taguchi's calm acceptance. “It should have been me to turn female. Because I was a girl already, wasn't I? I just wasn't facing it.”
*
Kamenashi woke up to the steady beeping of the phone. “Moshi moshi?”
“Kazuya?”
Kamenashi sat up. “Taguchi?” A quick glance at the alarm clock. “Why are you calling me at... two in the morning?”
“I just wanted to let you know.” Taguchi's voice was quiet, almost drowned by the rumble of traffic. “I'm male again.”
“Oh.”
“Thanks for letting me stay at your place. And Kazuya? I'm here if you need to talk to me.”
“I have a question for you.”
“Shoot. But not in the foot.”
Kamenashi smiled wanly. “If I were female, would you love me?”
End.
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Author: virdant
Length: 3788 words
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Gen
Pairing: implied Kamenashi/Taguchi; mentions of Taguchi/Komine Rena
Summary: Taguchi, a cis-male, wakes up to realize his body is now female. Kamenashi, who's always thought of himself as a cis-male, realizes that maybe he isn't. The two of them move towards understanding.
Warning: Lots of discussion of sex and gender. A heavy emphasis on the difference between the female sex and the woman gender. A heavy emphasis on the female sex and male sex. Lots of discussion on the woman gender and the man gender. Sex changes, genderbending.
Notes: I don't claim to be an expert on the distinctions between gender and biological sex. I am not a biologist focusing on the human body. This story is not intended to be funny. It is not intended to offended. This is probably the only time where I will screen/delete comments that are offensive, not because I don't feel comfortable handling criticism of my writing, but because from my time in fandom, I am excessively aware of how ignorant fandom can be of this issue. I have tried to make the distinction in the story, but because of the narration, some of the characters aren't making that same distinction. Please refrain from being ignorant of this distinction in your comments, it is not hard to distinguish between biological sex (male & female) and gender (man & woman or guy & girl.)
Finding Home
“Kazuya?”
“Taguchi? Why are you calling me at... two in the morning?”
“Well, I don't think I can go to work tomorrow. I have a bit of a problem.”
“You always have a problem, Taguchi. What happened? Are you alright?””
“Well, uh. I'm female.”
*
The only thing more disturbing than getting a phone call from Taguchi at two in the morning was getting a phone call from Taguchi at two in the morning telling him that Taguchi was going to be late to work because he had to find a way to explain dropping about 10 cm in height.
“You're worried about explaining getting short, but you're not worried about the fact that you somehow got boobs?” Kamenashi snapped as he started to boil water for tea, ignoring Taguchi studying Kamenashi's meager collection of video games by the television. “Really?”
“Well, Yamashita-kun's got bigger ones than me. Even now.”
Kamenashi closed his eyes and tried to remember his hiragana backwards for the next time he got caught punching a taxi-driver and had to prove that he wasn't completely drunk out of his mind.
“And losing 10 centimeters is pretty important, Kazuya! Nobody will be able to see me when I stand in the back for photo-shoots.”
“You are not going to work as a girl!” Kamenashi grit his teeth tightly, trying to ignore the fact that even though Taguchi's voice was higher, it still sounded the same, with the same texture and inflection. It was jarring to hear Taguchi's voice like this. He focused on watching the kettle boil. “You're going to go back to your apartment and hide until Management decides what to do.”
“Don't you think I should see a doctor about this?”
Kamenashi closed his eyes. “Maybe. Yes. I don't know.” He turned to Taguchi, who was wearing a tour T-shirt that was too broad around the shoulders and jeans that had their legs rolled up to his ankles. His hair was short, even as a girl-or perhaps because Taguchi was still a guy, and hair couldn't possibly grow long in the twenty minutes that he had gone from guy to girl. His pants were belted around his hips, and ironically enough, they weren't too large on him. Maybe it was because Taguchi as a guy had always been long and lean.
Taguchi padded into the kitchen. It was strange how even though Taguchi was no longer practically a hand-width taller than him, he still seemed taller. “Don't worry,” he said as Kamenashi poured them cups of tea. “I'll be alright. I'll talk to Management and explain everything, and we'll figure something out. Maybe I can go to LA!”
Kame dropped his cup, and it smashed into pieces at his feet.
“Don't move,” Taguchi said calmly as he put his cup down and bent down to pick up the pieces. “I was only joking, Kazuya. I wouldn't leave KAT-TUN. Not even if I'm female.”
*
“Even though he's flat as a board-”
“Koki! Don't put it like that!”
“I think the fans would notice if Taguchi started wearing heels.” Koki shrugged at Nakamaru apologetically. “Everybody knows that Taguchi's the only tall one out of the lot of us.”
“I'm not short,” Kamenashi protested.
“In your head, Kame-chan,” Ueda retorted. “So what have management decided to do with you?”
“I'm not sure, Uepi,” Taguchi tapped the stylus against the DS thoughtfully as he slouched in a chair, fiddling with his latest game. “I suppose I'd go on hiatus. Ah, maybe I'll get injured.”
“Don't say stuff like that,” Kamenashi snapped.
“That was pretty tasteless,” Nakamaru agreed. “What if you really get hurt now?”
Taguchi shrugged easily. “We'll see what management decides, shall we?” He grinned at them before turning towards his game again. “Shit! Damnit! Die die die!”
*
“Are you sure you should be cursing?” Kamenashi began as the others had slowly left, leaving Kamenashi and Taguchi alone in the room.
Taguchi looked up from his game. “What?”
Kamenashi gestured vaguely towards his chest. “You're a girl now, aren't you? Are you sure you should be swearing while you're all... girly?”
Taguchi laughed, eyes flicking between his DS and Kamenashi. “I'm female, but I'm still a man, Kazuya.”
Kamenashi shook his head, trying to figure out the words. “It's... bad for your image,” he finally said, trying to justify Taguchi with his hair curling around his chin, the softer features staring out at him.
“Oh?” Taguchi closed the DS, and Kamenashi blinked at the sight of Taguchi willingly turning off his game. “It's not off,” Taguchi added with a bemused look. “The DS pauses automatically.”
“Oh.” Kamenashi bit his lip.
Taguchi smiled. “Kazuya, I've spent the past... however many years of my life dressing up as a girl. I even did it on national television. And I've sworn too. Sometimes at the same time. There's no problem with this, Kazuya.”
“That was for a drama role!”
Taguchi laughed. “And I was damn hot as a girl in that, wasn't I? I think Yokoyama-kun may have been more convincing than me though.”
Kamenashi shook his head. “I don't know how you can be so calm, Junno.”
Taguchi looked soberly at Kazuya. “By being like a palm tree.” He beamed. “Just kidding.”
*
Taguchi spent the night on the couch, even though he was the one in a female body and Kamenashi was the one in a male.
“I would feel bad kicking you out of your bed.”
“I would feel bad letting a lady sleep on the couch,” Kamenashi retorted.
“Don't be silly,” Taguchi said easily. “I'm still me. And you totally took over the most comfortable chair in the Green Room the other day, so don't be ridiculous now that I'm female, Kazuya.”
“I was raised to be kind to girls.”
“I'm not a girl.”
“I...”
“Take the bed, Kazuya.” Taguchi unfolded the blanket, covering his legs with it as he pressed buttons furiously on his DS.
“You aren't going back to your apartment?”
Taguchi shrugged. “Management said it would be best if I didn't go back to my apartment, Remember? It'd seem odd if tabloids caught me like this walking into the apartment of Taguchi Junnosuke, idol.”
“Oh. Right.”
Taguchi nodded. “Good night, Kazuya.”
“Did you tell Komine?”
Taguchi glanced down at himself with a wry smile. “I sent her a message that something's come up, and I was staying with you, and not to worry.”
“You aren't going to stay with Komine? Was that management's decision? But she's your girlfriend...”
Taguchi smiled. “Good night, Kazuya,” he said pointedly, before turning back to his DS.
*
The next morning was strange.
When Kamenashi stumbled out of the bathroom, his hair damp and sticking to the planes of his cheeks, it was to Taguchi sitting at the dining table drinking a cup of juice, hair pushed behind his ears as he read what looked like a message from their manager on his phone.
“What's that about?” Kamenashi asked. He sat down with a glass of water.
“Just a message from our manager saying what we're going to do while I'm like this. We're going to push some recordings back, and focus more on the plans and logistics for our tour. Photo-shoots will be done too, and they'll just use the right angles and Photoshop sharper features in so nobody will be able to tell that I'm like this.”
“But we can't do recordings?”
“We could,” Taguchi said calmly. “But Manager-san says that it's harder for the producers to come up with a marketing pitch if they have to change the pitch of my voice.”
“Oh.” He glanced at Taguchi, lounging casually in the chair. “I mean... But you can't tell. I mean.”
Taguchi laughed, the sound exactly the same as usual.
“That was a horrible pun, Taguchi.”
*
Taguchi spent the day in another series of meetings with Management, trying to figure out how he would work while a woman.
“Female,” he corrected politely, a smile permanently etched onto his lips.
Julie raised an eyebrow at him. “Female,” she echoed, smiling sardonically. “Of course, Taguchi-kun.”
Taguchi smiled back. “Thank you for understanding.”
*
“Is it fun?” Kamenashi asked. It was two in the morning again, and Taguchi was curled comfortably up on Kamenashi's sofa, dressed in a too-large T-shirt and sweatpants, playing a puzzle game on his DS.
“The game?” Taguchi frowned. “I guess. I've beaten it already, so now I'm just trying to get all the rest of the puzzles.”
“I mean...” Kamenashi gestured towards his chest, feeling uncomfortable. “Being a girl.”
Taguchi shrugged. “I try not to think about it.”
“But what is it like?” Kamenashi pressed.
Taguchi pursed his lips in thought. “Looking into a mirror is strange,” he finally said. “Because my eyes are the same shape, and they crinkle the same way-I compared it with pictures, because I wasn't sure how my face had changed-but my nose isn't quite as defined. My jawline is softer, but everything still sits at the same place.” His eyes went distant before he continued, “I walk differently.”
“But you aren't wearing heels,” he began.
“It's not the clothing. It's the way the hips work. It's easier to saunter, did you know that?” He stood up to demonstrate. “As a girl, your hips just kinda wiggle. Even if you aren't trying. It makes it so much easier to just saunter down all slow. It's actually comfortable.”
Kamenashi bit his lip, watching the fabric crinkle lazily around Taguchi long legs as he stalked in a circle. He wasn't even trying to move his hips, but it was clear that he was slinking.
“I don't have large breasts,” Taguchi added, almost clinically,“So the weight of my upper body isn't all that changed. But my center of gravity is different. It's lower now, so it's actually be harder to do flips.” He grinned. “I tried to do a back-flip and almost broke my back after talking to Management. I guess Koki will be taking my place as the acrobat of the group while I'm like this.”
“You look different,” Kamenashi admitted. “Like a girl.”
“But I don't feel it,” Taguchi said calmly. “I feel the same way I've felt for years, Kazuya.”
“How can you sit there and just list off your body and not care about it?”
Taguchi smiled. “Because this is just a body. I'm a guy; you know that, Kazuya.”
“Well,” Kamenashi spat out, “maybe I don't.”
*
“Tilt your head back, Taguchi-kun,” the photographer said politely.
Taguchi obliged.
“Are you sure nobody will notice?” Kamenashi asked from where he was getting his make-up touched up. “He looks like a girl.”
Taguchi's eyes flickered away from the spot behind the camera he had been focusing at to focus on Kame before turning away again.
The photographer smirked. “We'll be running your pictures through Photoshop either way, Kamenashi-kun. It's no trouble to sharpen Taguchi-kun's features.”
“It's damned weird to hear him called Taguchi-kun when he's a girl,” Koki muttered to Nakamaru.
The photographer shrugged. “Taguchi-kun requested it.”
Taguchi beamed into the camera, mouth stretching at the corners, eyes crinkling into crescents.
Ueda shrugged, holding still as the makeup artist adjusted a sequin on his face. “Let Taguchi do whatever he wants,” he said flatly.
“Iriguchi, deguchi, Taguchi desu,” Taguchi chirped, deliberately pitching his voice higher, hands moving effortlessly into his pun.
The rest of KAT-TUN exchanged looks. “How is that cute when a girl does it?” Koki asked.
Taguchi smiled sweetly back.
*
“What are you going to do,” Kamenashi said as the two of them sat on his couch, Kamenashi's toes brushing against Taguchi's ankles, “When you know, you start bleeding?”
“Buy tampons and say that they're for Rena when the tabloids catch the flow?”
*
“Dude, what the hell,” Koki said as they walked into their meeting room the next day, several days after Taguchi had come home from a bar to realize that he was female. “What have you been eating; did you get fat, Taguchi?”
Taguchi stared blankly back. “What?”
The rest of KAT-TUN glanced at Taguchi.
“What happened to your muscles?” Koki said. He stepped forward, poking experimentally at a bicep. “Dude, it's all flabby.”
Taguchi twitched. “I didn't get fat.” His voice was polite, a smile plastered on his face. “You just got a hat!”
Kamenashi hid a smile behind a hand.
“I'm not wearing a hat,” Koki said. He made as if to kick Taguchi, but then paused. “I can't kick a girl,” he muttered.
“Small mercies,” Taguchi quipped, slinging an arm around Ueda. “Uepi,” he said cheerfully, “you look quite dead on your feet.”
Ueda shrugged Taguchi off easily. “Are you not working out?”
“I'm female,” Taguchi replied, sliding away from Ueda to lounge on a chair. “I have a lower muscle mass, and it's all under fat instead of over.”
Nakamaru raised an eyebrow. “You did your research.”
Taguchi leered at Nakamaru. “I'm buff underneath, and that's what matters, right?” He ran a hand languidly down his side, grinning wickedly.
Nakamaru shuddered. “Don't do that when you're a girl.”
“Female,” Taguchi corrected, smile shifting from shit-eating to amused. “Not a girl. Female.”
*
“Why haven't you cried yet?”
“Just because my body is more prone to emotionality doesn't mean that my mind is.”
“Koki called you fat,” Kamenashi said.
“Koki's believes that bling makes you a gangster.” Taguchi smiled wryly at Kamenashi. “Did you know that males also get PMS?”
Kamenashi's face twisted.
“They get the same changes in hormone levels on a monthly basis.”
“Who told you that?”
“I looked it up once. The internet's really exciting, Kazuya.” Taguchi beamed.
“I think,” Kamenashi said, looking away from Taguchi, “I think that you're way too calm about this.”
“I'm freaking out on the inside, I can promise you that.” Taguchi laughed. “But there are worse things to panic about.”
“Like what?”
Taguchi laughed. “Like not turning back to a male before we have to record our single, or having to perform when on a period, or, you know, Nintendo going bankrupt.”
*
“That was uncalled for.” Taguchi's voice was deadly cold. He stood up from the chair, his feet spread apart and his knees bent.
“Taguchi,” Ueda began. Then he shook his head. “Just don't hit the face. Company rules.”
Nishikido Ryo laughed. “What are you going to do, cry?”
“Alright,” Koki snapped. “That's pushing it.”
“Your precious little bandmate's a girl now.” Nishikido smirked. “And he's short. I guess maybe he would fit in better with this crowd now that he's lost his dick.”
“Female,” Nakamaru corrected, eyes narrowed. “And you should leave, Nishikido-kun.”
Nishikido leered at Taguchi. “You aren't even a hot girl. You're not even hot enough to stay, you might as well quit now before you get thrown out.”
Kamenashi grit his teeth, putting that insult aside for revenge later, when Nishikido wouldn't expect it.
“I'm never going to abandon KAT-TUN. Take that back,” Taguchi said flatly. “Now.”
“Or what?” Nishikido snorted. “You'll cry at me? You're a girl now, Junko, what's the most you can do?”
Taguchi threw the first punch at Nishikido's nose. Ueda slid between them, catching Taguchi by the wrist and putting his body in front of Nishikido. “You know the rules, Taguchi!”
Nishikido smirked. “Alright. You want to fight it out? I can fight it out. I'm not a girl.”
Taguchi's second punch was to the solar plexus. Kamenashi winced at the thump. That would leave a bruise.
Nishikido doubled over, wincing. “You punch like a girl,” he spat.
“No,” Taguchi corrected. “A female. One that's got far more upper body muscle mass than you, Nishikido-kun.”
*
“It was Nishikido-kun's fault,” Kamenashi said to KAT-TUN's manager. “He provoked Taguchi. Almost assaulted him. I think maybe the stress is getting to him, if he has to pick fights with KAT-TUN.”
“Are you sure that's what happened, Kamenashi-kun? Nishikido-kun said that Taguchi threw the first punch.”
“It was in self-defense.” Kamenashi smiled tightly. “Nishikido-kun was about to attack Taguchi.”
“I'm expecting you to give me a completely honest account, Kamenashi-kun.”
Kamenashi bowed. “I wouldn't lie about something like this, Manager-san.”
*
“You know, I'm surprised we haven't been caught by the tabloids yet,” Taguchi commented offhandedly, two in the morning again and curled up on Kamenashi's couch with an RPG. “You'd think that they'd be discussing your new roommate by now.”
The next day, Bubka ran an article about Kamenashi new girlfriend, and how they were living together.
Friday ran an article about Kamenashi stopping by a conbini to buy tampons.
*
Kamenashi blinked as the elevator door opened.
“You bastard,” Komine spat at Kamenashi, stepping forward, practically shaking with rage.. “How could you take advantage of Junnosuke like that? You invite him to stay over, and then you bring a girlfriend over all the time?”
Kamenashi opened his mouth. And then he saw Taguchi standing behind her, a frown on his face. “Taguchi,” he began.
“Rena,” Taguchi said softly, interrupting him. “Hi.”
Komine turned, facing Taguchi. “Who are... Junnosuke?”
Taguchi nodded. “It's hard to explain,” he began.
She stared. “You're a girl.”
Taguchi's mouth twisted. “I'm female,” he corrected.
“What's that?” she spat back. “You're a tranny? What, you didn't feel happy in your old body so you had to do this? Is this type of sick joke?” She laughed bitterly.
“I'm a man,” Taguchi replied, his eyes narrowed, mouth twisted into a scowl. “I can't explain this, it just happened. I came back from the bar one night and I was like this. It's not supposed to happen, and I get that you aren't attracted to females but-”
“I thought you were a man,” Komine replied. “But I guess you really weren't. A girl all this time, huh? And you're staying with Kamenashi-kun, aren’t you? I guess I was just an excuse for you. A pretty thing to dangle in front of the cameras so no one would suspect.”
Taguchi glanced at Kamenashi. “I'm a man,” he said flatly. “And I am very much attracted to females. I'm just trapped in a female body.”
Komine rolled her eyes. “Oh, forgive me. I should have realized that Kamenashi was the girl in the relationship.”
Kamenashi flinched, as if struck.
Taguchi moved, shifting so he was standing between Komine and Kamenashi. “Rena-chan,” he said quietly, his eyes dark. “That wasn't polite.”
Rena laughed hysterically. “What else am I supposed to think when I realize that my boyfriend hasn't been to his apartment and has been staying at Kamenashi-kun's? What am I supposed to think when I hear that Kamenashi has a girl over, all the time. What else am I supposed to think when my boyfriend doesn't talk to me?” She shook her head, and Kamenashi wondered if she would cry.
Taguchi smiled sadly. “You're supposed to trust me when I say that I'll tell you all about it later.”
“Trust you?” She stepped back. “I don't even know you anymore, Junnosuke.”
“Rena,” Taguchi began.
“He's still Taguchi,” Kamenashi said from behind Taguchi. What was this, the girl protecting the guy? He tried to step around Taguchi, but despite his reduced height, Taguchi was a steady presence between him and Komine. No, Kamenashi thought. It was the guy protecting the girl. He stepped to the side, so he could make eye contact with Komine. “He still... he still plays video games all the time, and he's always making bad jokes. He laughs like a hyena. He's still Taguchi Junnosuke. He's just...”
Taguchi glanced at Kamenashi.
“Female.”
*
“I'm sorry for Rena,” Taguchi said.
“It's not your fault,” Kamenashi replied automatically. But then he shook his head. “She's right.”
“What?” Taguchi blinked. “Kazuya, it was a misunderstanding. I'll explain things to her, and maybe it won't end up working out between us, but this isn't your fault at all.”
Kamenashi shook his head. “No. Not that. I mean. She's right. I am the girl in the relationship.”
Taguchi stared.
Kamenashi swallowed tightly. “I'm not a man.”
Taguchi shook his head slightly. “Kazuya,” he began.
“I'm male,” Kamenashi said tightly. “But I'm not a man. I can't even imagine... how can you handle it, feeling so wrong?”
Taguchi smiled, before leaning forward and wrapping Kamenashi in a hug. “I would tell you to cry it out,” Taguchi said softly, “but it won't do anything for you, would it?”
Kamenashi laughed bitterly, hating this body, wishing for a body that would give him relief with tears.
“Shall I call you Kazuko?” Taguchi asked gently, and it wasn't a joke, it wasn't teasing. It was honest and questioning. It was Taguchi accepting him.
“It should have been me,” Kamenashi replied, not wanting to face Taguchi's calm acceptance. “It should have been me to turn female. Because I was a girl already, wasn't I? I just wasn't facing it.”
*
Kamenashi woke up to the steady beeping of the phone. “Moshi moshi?”
“Kazuya?”
Kamenashi sat up. “Taguchi?” A quick glance at the alarm clock. “Why are you calling me at... two in the morning?”
“I just wanted to let you know.” Taguchi's voice was quiet, almost drowned by the rumble of traffic. “I'm male again.”
“Oh.”
“Thanks for letting me stay at your place. And Kazuya? I'm here if you need to talk to me.”
“I have a question for you.”
“Shoot. But not in the foot.”
Kamenashi smiled wanly. “If I were female, would you love me?”
End.
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