fic - Johnny's and Associates - ACSSA meets KAT-TUN or: How KAT-TUN Stopped Fighting
Title: ACSSA meets KAT-TUN or: How KAT-TUN Stopped Fighting
Author: virdant
Length: 824 words; super-short
Rating: G
Genre: Crack.
Pairing: None.
Summary: KAT-TUN meets The Lactones, a bunch of Chemistry Students Who Decided To Form A Band.
Warning: Don't take this seriously. Really. And mild self-insert, but not really.
Notes: upessimist: we should start a Chemistry-based singing group! we can be The Lactones! or if we actually are confident in our musical talent The Ketones!
me: ...... i hate you I HATE YOUUUUUU OMGG WHY IS THIS STUPID IDEA STUCK IN MY HEAD?
upessimist: uh oh i'm going to be in a fanfic huh lol
ACSSA meets KAT-TUN
or: How KAT-TUN Stopped Fighting
The Lactones suck, and the sad thing is that they know they suck. They aren't really supposed to be a musical group, they're really just seven chem majors who ended up forming some musical group on a whim, and KAT-TUN are remarkably perplexed when management informs them that they're hosting The Lactones. Nobody's really sure why, not even management, but Kamenashi just decides to take it as a “human interest” type of episode, and go with whatever Management says. Akanishi and Ueda get into a fight over whether hosting a bunch of Chemistry Students Who Decided To Form A Band is a good idea-even though they both agree, it's always good to have a fight or two since they're growing boys-and Nakamaru sits there and attempts to keep the peace. Taguchi goes online and tries to find good Chem jokes to tell them in the ten minutes before Cartoon KAT-TUN starts, and Koki just says: “C to the H to the E to the M” whenever he sees somebody who looks at all like a chem major.
“Uh.” One of the members of the not-music group says rather incoherently when confronted with boybands in bright sparkly outfits ten minutes later when they're on set. “Hi.” KAT-TUN attempt their hellos in awkward English. The Lactones attempt awkward Japanese back. It's a very awkward picture.
It gets worse when the Lactones are asked to sing. Some of them are actually moderately decent; three of them can hold a note, even of one of them sounds a bit like a dying cat when he's doing it. There's a short one doing hip-hop at the side to the music; one of them stands hunched over and attempts to play a violin very badly.
It's better “Individuality” than KAT-TUN could ever do.
“That's really impressive,” Kamenashi manages when they finish. He lets the audience think he's talking about the performance, but he's really in awe over how amazing it is that you can have seven completely different individuals together in one group. They don't look like they've killed each other yet either, and that's even more impressive.
“Thanks,” one of them says. Ueda dubs him as Leader, though he wonders if they actually have leaders. He's standing in the center. That's usually a sign of leadership right there.
“We're just that amazing,” another says sarcastically.
“Yay,” says a third, pumping a fist in the air with pseudo-enthusiasm.
KAT-TUN blinks and hopes that their faces are appropriately welcoming. They fumble through the rest of Cartoon KAT-TUN, and The Lactones demonstrate what happens when you light magnesium and one of them smuggled thermite in too, and so everybody around ends up covering their eyes and blinking away spots for a really long time while the staff run around looking for a fire extinguisher. Then they decide to just sit around and drop dry ice into water with a universal indicator in it-it's safer, they say as they argue over who's going to explain what's actually going on. Most of KAT-TUN oohs and ahhs appropriately while Jin screams in horror and Ueda stares blankly into the distance because he's reviving his “I can see fairies” image. Nakamaru actually kind of understands the concept, because he's actually in college, unlike those suckers who are happy with being junior high graduates, and he attempts to communicate for a bit before management cuts him off because he's “too boring.” Taguchi tries one of his newly learned English puns, and only one of The Lactones laughs hysterically while the rest of them just sit and attempt to laugh politely. Koki stares at the natural blond in The Lactones, and decides that he needs to revive his blond-hair image.
After the show's over, KAT-TUN (and a translator, because Jin can't speak English, no matter how much he deceives the fans) and The Lactones gather together.
“So,” Kamenashi begins, “Do you guys have fights or something?” Because you're not all over each other with member-ai, he thinks about adding, but he refrains because he doubts that they'd understand the insanity that is NewS and Arashi and just Japanese Entertainment Industries: Johnny's and Associates Boybands.
“Oh yeah,” the blond one says. “All the time.”
“How do you stop them?” Ueda asks, out of curiosity, because it took KAT-TUN a few years of working with each other to get into a rapport with each other.
The Lactones look at each other and shrug. “Hyperconjugation!” one of them yells randomly while another actually says coherently, “We sit at a really big table. It's too much effort to get up to actually fight, so we just yell at each other instead.”
The next day, Management shoves a really really large table into KAT-TUN's dressing room. KAT-TUN never makes it into the tabloids for inter-group fighting again.
End.
Masterlist of fandoms here
Masterlist of Jpop fanfiction here
Author: virdant
Length: 824 words; super-short
Rating: G
Genre: Crack.
Pairing: None.
Summary: KAT-TUN meets The Lactones, a bunch of Chemistry Students Who Decided To Form A Band.
Warning: Don't take this seriously. Really. And mild self-insert, but not really.
Notes: upessimist: we should start a Chemistry-based singing group! we can be The Lactones! or if we actually are confident in our musical talent The Ketones!
me: ...... i hate you I HATE YOUUUUUU OMGG WHY IS THIS STUPID IDEA STUCK IN MY HEAD?
upessimist: uh oh i'm going to be in a fanfic huh lol
ACSSA meets KAT-TUN
or: How KAT-TUN Stopped Fighting
The Lactones suck, and the sad thing is that they know they suck. They aren't really supposed to be a musical group, they're really just seven chem majors who ended up forming some musical group on a whim, and KAT-TUN are remarkably perplexed when management informs them that they're hosting The Lactones. Nobody's really sure why, not even management, but Kamenashi just decides to take it as a “human interest” type of episode, and go with whatever Management says. Akanishi and Ueda get into a fight over whether hosting a bunch of Chemistry Students Who Decided To Form A Band is a good idea-even though they both agree, it's always good to have a fight or two since they're growing boys-and Nakamaru sits there and attempts to keep the peace. Taguchi goes online and tries to find good Chem jokes to tell them in the ten minutes before Cartoon KAT-TUN starts, and Koki just says: “C to the H to the E to the M” whenever he sees somebody who looks at all like a chem major.
“Uh.” One of the members of the not-music group says rather incoherently when confronted with boybands in bright sparkly outfits ten minutes later when they're on set. “Hi.” KAT-TUN attempt their hellos in awkward English. The Lactones attempt awkward Japanese back. It's a very awkward picture.
It gets worse when the Lactones are asked to sing. Some of them are actually moderately decent; three of them can hold a note, even of one of them sounds a bit like a dying cat when he's doing it. There's a short one doing hip-hop at the side to the music; one of them stands hunched over and attempts to play a violin very badly.
It's better “Individuality” than KAT-TUN could ever do.
“That's really impressive,” Kamenashi manages when they finish. He lets the audience think he's talking about the performance, but he's really in awe over how amazing it is that you can have seven completely different individuals together in one group. They don't look like they've killed each other yet either, and that's even more impressive.
“Thanks,” one of them says. Ueda dubs him as Leader, though he wonders if they actually have leaders. He's standing in the center. That's usually a sign of leadership right there.
“We're just that amazing,” another says sarcastically.
“Yay,” says a third, pumping a fist in the air with pseudo-enthusiasm.
KAT-TUN blinks and hopes that their faces are appropriately welcoming. They fumble through the rest of Cartoon KAT-TUN, and The Lactones demonstrate what happens when you light magnesium and one of them smuggled thermite in too, and so everybody around ends up covering their eyes and blinking away spots for a really long time while the staff run around looking for a fire extinguisher. Then they decide to just sit around and drop dry ice into water with a universal indicator in it-it's safer, they say as they argue over who's going to explain what's actually going on. Most of KAT-TUN oohs and ahhs appropriately while Jin screams in horror and Ueda stares blankly into the distance because he's reviving his “I can see fairies” image. Nakamaru actually kind of understands the concept, because he's actually in college, unlike those suckers who are happy with being junior high graduates, and he attempts to communicate for a bit before management cuts him off because he's “too boring.” Taguchi tries one of his newly learned English puns, and only one of The Lactones laughs hysterically while the rest of them just sit and attempt to laugh politely. Koki stares at the natural blond in The Lactones, and decides that he needs to revive his blond-hair image.
After the show's over, KAT-TUN (and a translator, because Jin can't speak English, no matter how much he deceives the fans) and The Lactones gather together.
“So,” Kamenashi begins, “Do you guys have fights or something?” Because you're not all over each other with member-ai, he thinks about adding, but he refrains because he doubts that they'd understand the insanity that is NewS and Arashi and just Japanese Entertainment Industries: Johnny's and Associates Boybands.
“Oh yeah,” the blond one says. “All the time.”
“How do you stop them?” Ueda asks, out of curiosity, because it took KAT-TUN a few years of working with each other to get into a rapport with each other.
The Lactones look at each other and shrug. “Hyperconjugation!” one of them yells randomly while another actually says coherently, “We sit at a really big table. It's too much effort to get up to actually fight, so we just yell at each other instead.”
The next day, Management shoves a really really large table into KAT-TUN's dressing room. KAT-TUN never makes it into the tabloids for inter-group fighting again.
End.
Masterlist of fandoms here
Masterlist of Jpop fanfiction here