fic-DBSK-Fifteen

[virdant]

Title: Fifteen
Author: virdant
Length: 4,048 words; one-shot
Rating: PG / PG-13
Genre: AU, Humor, Supernatural(ish) maybe
Pairing: OT5-ish
Summary: I really had no idea what was going on. First a weirdo says strange things to me when I go buy pudding for my sister, next I get a stalker who tries to mind my business, and then a stranger ends up giving me

Comments

[sy_ya]

i've slept already, but i am not confident this would be helpful. lol. and i apologize for the stupid remarks & questions >_>;
and i'm not too familiar with the series where this was based on, but i checked out the link you gave in the a/n. sounds interesting ^^

i think what made the characters familiar even if you didn't name them (until the end anyway) were the descriptions. you took the distinguishing traits of each member - changmin's sarcasm (& his rumored religion & younger sister), yoochun's english (although i think he's rather generous with treating his friends with food lol. but yeah, he can be a cheapskate from what i remember of interviews), jaejoong's appearance, junsu's gags, & yunho's 'big movements.'

anyway, i enjoyed it, maybe not in the way it was meant to be enjoyed. though i really don't know how it should be. lol. but yeah, it was a good read even if my otp is non-existent & another pairing had their moment. lol.

talked of ghosts that whispered promises and fears into other’s ears.
the 'other's' here seems odd. i am not too sure what you mean. 'into each other's ears'?

its numbingly coldness.
i think i know what you're trying to say, but i'm still confused.

“I like pudding too,” my classmate said rather inanely. “Shouldn’t you be studying for that killer Chem test tomorrow?”

I wondered if there was a smaller size of pudding. My sister wouldn’t sleep well with so much sugar in her system.

“But you’re such a genius, I’m sure you don’t need to study like us normal people.”

Just because I’m smarter than you doesn’t make me a genius.
i'm confused. so the classmate was the one asked the first question ("shouldn't you be...?") right? the reason i got confused was because of the classmate's next statement.

next I get a stalker tries to mind my business
erm maybe, 'next a stalker tries to mind my business'? or smth.

[virdant]

Ah, anything is helpful really. I mean, this was written really quickly and this style isn't my usual.
The series this is based on is really amazing. * fangirls * I can go on and on about it but suffice to say this fic is a pastiche of that series (specifically the first novel), and it was awkward to write this because well, I had it open in front of me and it's weird writing in a language different from the one you're reading XD.

Well, I tried to make it clear enough who was who as I was writing; I'm glad it worked out well enough; I don't have a good enough grasp on people's characterizations as I like to think lol.

Well, I'm not certain what the point of this was anyways. Mostly voice and style practice, and also just some fun Ghost Festival fic, but mostly trying out the narration style, so any enjoyment derived is good. :) And that moment has to do with another otp of mine from the series and really was simply because I did want to keep things in a falsely parallel manner, though it's exceedingly different as it is

I will look over all those suggestions and fix things. Thank you so much! I can already see places where I've made mistakes. Thank you!

[sy_ya]

kudos to you for trying out new styles. oh you can read Japanese? cool. ^^

well, nobody really knows the dong bang boys that well. but i think based on their public persona, the interviews they've done, etc. i think you were able to keep them IC even if you placed them in AU.

oh thanks. i'm glad my long seemingly incoherent comment is somehow useful ^^

[virdant]

Lol, I love trying out new styles; it's like a hobby (and it results in these fics, so I suppose it's a good thing XD). Lol, I can't read Japanese; I have a translation of that light-novel, but it's not in English so... lol XD.

Haha; I do try. XD. Characterization is very iffy for me, this is also checking to see if I can characterize people, haha.

I should be thanking you XD. I'll be fixing things really soon. (Have rl stuff to be doing lol, which is why it is languishing in non-fixedness for now and this really made no sense whatsoever)