(no subject)
I owe my RP friend an apology. An apology and an explanation, even if it's going to sound lame.
Here's my modus operandi: Get really into an RP/plot line to the exclusion of all else. Ask the Rev, he saw it IRL. For a while there I was pried away from my PC by only the choicest distractions. It's part of my obsessive nature and can make for great intense playtime and writing.
Then the other part of my nature kicks in, or as happened this time, I felt like I screwed something up in the thread, did something else online and in RL, and it all hit as my obsession hit the point. I was still thinking about the story obsessively but it was wrapped up in guilt and exhaustion and made worse by my new schedule at work and I was having trouble making myself eat regularly and six hundred other minor things and suddenly, every time I tried to load the web page to reply, I got out of my chair. I physically ran away and I felt like shit every time I thought about how it was my turn, and I'm being an ass for making my partner wait, and dammit just POST SOMETHING but no, I couldn't sit still long enough to even work out a decent "hey, having a hard time here!" There were a couple of posts on this journal where I thought I'd be okay but I wasn't. I even tried some of my old coping methods, but since they were not the healthiest to begin with it just made things worse.
Anyway.
I think I'm back on the uphill again, but I can't be sure. I've actually run away from my keyboard three times since starting this message, not counting the times when I wrote the first half three days ago. LJ's restore from draft is a mixed blessing sometimes. This time it was helpful.
The fact is, I'm sorry for vanishing AGAIN and AGAIN. I finally read the repost of your last tag and it's my turn and as soon as I can sit down at my keyboard I will post. If you're sick and tired of dealing with my flake-ness, that's cool too. It's been great fun, madness and all, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Thanks for the threads, and the thousands of miles of patience.
Here's my modus operandi: Get really into an RP/plot line to the exclusion of all else. Ask the Rev, he saw it IRL. For a while there I was pried away from my PC by only the choicest distractions. It's part of my obsessive nature and can make for great intense playtime and writing.
Then the other part of my nature kicks in, or as happened this time, I felt like I screwed something up in the thread, did something else online and in RL, and it all hit as my obsession hit the point. I was still thinking about the story obsessively but it was wrapped up in guilt and exhaustion and made worse by my new schedule at work and I was having trouble making myself eat regularly and six hundred other minor things and suddenly, every time I tried to load the web page to reply, I got out of my chair. I physically ran away and I felt like shit every time I thought about how it was my turn, and I'm being an ass for making my partner wait, and dammit just POST SOMETHING but no, I couldn't sit still long enough to even work out a decent "hey, having a hard time here!" There were a couple of posts on this journal where I thought I'd be okay but I wasn't. I even tried some of my old coping methods, but since they were not the healthiest to begin with it just made things worse.
Anyway.
I think I'm back on the uphill again, but I can't be sure. I've actually run away from my keyboard three times since starting this message, not counting the times when I wrote the first half three days ago. LJ's restore from draft is a mixed blessing sometimes. This time it was helpful.
The fact is, I'm sorry for vanishing AGAIN and AGAIN. I finally read the repost of your last tag and it's my turn and as soon as I can sit down at my keyboard I will post. If you're sick and tired of dealing with my flake-ness, that's cool too. It's been great fun, madness and all, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Thanks for the threads, and the thousands of miles of patience.