(no subject)
I'm so tired.
Not the, "I need sleep" tired but the "I'm dissappointed because I never have time for my 'friends'" and some of my friends can't even take the time out of their 'busy' scheduales to get into contact with me. Yes, I know people are busy with Exams and what not but you're not going to fail life if you take 10 miniutes out and write me an e-mail or give me a call or something like that. For some poeple in particular, they know that If they wanted to talk about anything I'd drop what I was doing and listen. Becasue that is what I'd do, and I've done it. But yet, it's not a two way street. If I were to say "Hey look, I'm feeling pretty frustrated over some shit right now and I'd just like to have a conversation to try and relax" I'd be told to suck it up and fucking cope with it. Of course, not everyone that I know is like this but I get that feeling from an aweful lot of my friends. One of them has even told me that my problems are petty and pointless and I should just stop my damned bitching and deal. It's refreshing to know that no matter how much you do something for someone or care about them and their futures or their lives that they will, without a doubt, not care about your feelings in the slightest.
One of the saddest things that I have to deal with is the reality that I am no longer compfortable talking to steph anymore. It's all cold and distant. It feels like it's all just a charade. That she's only talking to me out of some wierd form of guilt. I don't share stories with her anymore, I don't tell her how my day went or tell her about my feelings. It's not that I don't trust her. It's that she's never around and doesn't answer my e-mails very often. When we hang out it feels mostly like she'd rather not be in the room with me. what have I done wrong? What havn't I done here? Did I miss something imporatant?
Not the, "I need sleep" tired but the "I'm dissappointed because I never have time for my 'friends'" and some of my friends can't even take the time out of their 'busy' scheduales to get into contact with me. Yes, I know people are busy with Exams and what not but you're not going to fail life if you take 10 miniutes out and write me an e-mail or give me a call or something like that. For some poeple in particular, they know that If they wanted to talk about anything I'd drop what I was doing and listen. Becasue that is what I'd do, and I've done it. But yet, it's not a two way street. If I were to say "Hey look, I'm feeling pretty frustrated over some shit right now and I'd just like to have a conversation to try and relax" I'd be told to suck it up and fucking cope with it. Of course, not everyone that I know is like this but I get that feeling from an aweful lot of my friends. One of them has even told me that my problems are petty and pointless and I should just stop my damned bitching and deal. It's refreshing to know that no matter how much you do something for someone or care about them and their futures or their lives that they will, without a doubt, not care about your feelings in the slightest.
One of the saddest things that I have to deal with is the reality that I am no longer compfortable talking to steph anymore. It's all cold and distant. It feels like it's all just a charade. That she's only talking to me out of some wierd form of guilt. I don't share stories with her anymore, I don't tell her how my day went or tell her about my feelings. It's not that I don't trust her. It's that she's never around and doesn't answer my e-mails very often. When we hang out it feels mostly like she'd rather not be in the room with me. what have I done wrong? What havn't I done here? Did I miss something imporatant?