Tool Box
Title: Tool Box
Pairing: Jaebeom/Nichkhun
Warning: Angst
A/N: Yeah, shit got real. I'm not gonna post my opinions on that topic, really.
Just thought I'd write this and share with everyone.
First 2PM fic that's been published online.
---
It's nothing that anyone can help. What's done is done and the members can't do anything about it, Hottest can't do anything about it, even JYP, who had done something about it, couldn't do anything about it.
Jaebeom was gone, and he wasn't going to come back.
Nichkhun's hands clenched the rail of the balcony as he stared off into the distance of Seoul, taking in the giant buildings, the smog, the sound of thousands of people milling about. And while they were told to smile, to pretend to be strong, and even told how to say certain things, the fact of the matter was that 2PM was hurting. Deeply. Irrevocably.
It could not be fixed.
Letting out a sigh and letting go of the iron balcony rail, Nichkhun tried to let the tension seep out of his pores and into the air, where it could cling on to the particles of pollution and be carried away into the city. He ran a hand over his face and turned around, moving back into the dorm, sliding the door shut behind him.
"Hyung," Wooyoung spoke up from the couch, glancing over at Khun.
He didn't say anything else, and Nichkhun didn't expect him to, as the Thai Prince moved to shut himself in his bedroom.
It'd only been a few days after everything; after the contract termination, after the meeting with Hotttest.
All of them had barely spoken a word.
To each other, to JYP, to their families, to themselves.
Even internal monologues seemed to have been halted.
Nichkhun felt as if it was his fault. And whenever he tried to voice that, the other members would shake their heads and console him, telling him it wasn't his fault, it was never his fault, it wasn't anybody's fault, that it just happened.
But Nichkhun knew the truth.
---
Again & Again had topped the music charts, and 2PM couldn't have been happier. That night after the award show everyone had gotten into the dorm, hooting and hollering and causing a ruckus that would surely be complained about in the morning. But nobody cared as they all smiled and clapped each other on the back and declared that hoards of bananas would be brought towards them in victory; off to the side, Jaebeom was standing with a smug, victorious smile on his face, cell phone in his hand as his thumbs worked over the keypad.
Nichkhun had noticed this and raised a brow, but figured their leadja was texting someone from the states, telling them the news. But when his phone vibrated in his pocket, he glanced up to search for Jae - but the leader was amongst the other boys now, laughing and joking and hugging and carrying on.
The Thai Prince pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open, reading the message.
From: Leadja
Message: Yo man wasn't dat da shit? Dat gay ass tummy-rubbin dance wurked wonders 4 u after all, lol
Nichkhun smiled and shook his head, quickly typing his reply.
Well what can I say, ladies love a hungry man.
He sent the message and shut his phone, joining the group. Adrenaline was still high, but they had a schedule in the morning, and all needed to get to bed in order to get a decent amount of sleep before they were up at dawn. Out of the corner of his eye as they were all shuffling towards their respective sleeping places, he saw Jaebeom check his phone and smile to himself, before he moved into his and Junho's shared room, shutting the door behind them.
As Nichkhun lay down in his own bedroom, he stared at the bunk above his bed and started to get lost in thought. Despite everything, being in Korea, being famous, being idols, Jaebeom still did things like that. Spoke in English, sent Khun random texts about nothing and everything. It helped to ease the homesick feeling that Nichkhun sometimes got, and he appreciated Jaebeom as a leader for that, and even more as a friend.
Just as the Thai boy was getting ready to fall asleep, he heard his door creak open. His cracked open an eye and saw Jaebeom's head poking in; Nichkhun gave a small smile and waved for the leadja to enter. Jaebeom shut the door behind him and glided over to the bed, sliding under the covers without an invitation, making Nichkhun let out a noise of annoyance.
"Jay, I'm not gonna be your teddy bear tonight," Khun said in English, and Jae responded by wrapping his arms around the Thai Prince's waist.
"I just can't believe it, Khun. We've worked so hard for this and it finally happened, and I suck at making speeches and shit so I just dance like a fucktard, mostly because I can't fuckin say what I wanna say in Korean," Jaebeom let out a breath that tickled Nichkhun's neck. "We're number one, Khun. The best."
Nichkhun smiled, enjoying the fact that even when everyone else had passed out from too much excitement, Jaebeom was still brimming with the racing sensation.
"Kinda makes you feel like you can conquer anything, right?" Nichkhun said, wrapping his arms around Jaebeom's shoulders.
"Something like that," Jaebeom laughed, and tilted his head up towards Khun.
For a second, they just smiled at each other, content with their win. After another second, though, Nichkhun was surprisingly unsurprised at the meeting of their lips in the dark, seeking out the comfort in each other, sharing in the happiness completely.
It wasn't Khun's first kiss. It surely wasn't Jaebeom's, either. But it was their first kiss together, and it was the first time Khun even thought about kissing another man - about kissing Jaebeom - but it doesn't matter right now because Jaebeom was proud and thankful to have Nichkhun in his group, and Nichkhun was proud and thankful to have Jaebeom as a leader.
The kiss lingered in its chastity, before it finally broke, Jaebeom's head pillowed against Khun's chest. They fell asleep like that, a different sort of buzz running through their systems.
---
And so it had continued, and it had begun. The random texts were continued, but slowly started to hold more meaning. The glances, the touches, the excuses for games on variety shows that were packed with fan-service to get beautiful men to touch and grope and kiss each other had become more apparent, and transparent all at once, Jaebeom and Nichkhun ready to accept them for the fans, but seeing through to the deeper meaning they held.
Nichkhun and Jaebeom had grown impossibly close; they had shared their secrets, their dreams, their everything with each other. They continued to grow with the group, continued to grow with each other and by themselves.
It took almost four years for them to get to where they were. Could have been longer, could have been shorter; Nichkhun had no sense of time, now.
It took less than four days for it to be ripped away from them.
And now, it took three days to rip the rest of them to pieces, shreds of the image that they once had been floating on the wind that carried chants of 'back-stabber' and 'liar'.
Nichkhun's phone on his bedside table vibrated. He rolled over and picked it up, expecting it to be a member telling him to get his ass out of his room or else he'll be dinner-less. But when an international number flickered on the screen and the phone kept vibrating, Nichkhun felt his heart leap into his throat.
He flipped it open, and held the ear to his phone. There was silence for a few moments, and then finally, a sigh.
"If you're trying to telepathically greet me, it's not going to work, my ESPN is blocked by Russian satellites."
"Jay," Khun breathed, afraid to say his name too loud, as if to shatter the illusion of what was happening.
"Hey, so, shit hit the fan and I got myself into a lot of trouble, obviously, and I just wanted to call to tell you--"
"Jay, you can't do this, I know why you're gone, and I should be too, it's my fault--"
"Khun, shut the fuck up so I can talk, 'aight?"
Khun closed his mouth. He heard Jaebeom shuffle a bit on the other line.
"It's fuckin three in the God damn morning here and all I can think about is... Fuck. Shit's really fucked up."
Jaebeom's not making any sense. Then again, he never did make sense in the first place.
"I'm sorry."
The apology everyone has been waiting for; everyone except for Nichkhun. He had been the one that wanted to apologize.
"Shit's just retarded, y'know? It's like I can't catch a fucking break. First I'm that weird guy that can't speak Korean good--"
"Well. You can't speak Korean well."
"-- Shut the fuck up Princess, I'm talking. Anyway, first I'm the weird guy that can't speak Korean well, then I'm that weird guy that can't keep his shirt on, then I'm that fuck-face that can't keep his mouth shut because he's a dumbfuck trainee, and now I'm the guy that can't give his fans a legit reason as to why he had to fuckin leave."
Khun stayed silent, even though he wanted to ask Jaebeom to curse less, and make more sense. He knew neither would happen.
"Fuck, Khun. I'm so sorry all of this happened."
He wanted to yell at Jaebeom, tell him to stop apologizing, but he knew it wouldn't do any good. Jaebeom was the leader, the group was his responsibility, and anything bad or good that happened to the group, he would be held accountable for. This was no exception.
"I fuckin see all of that shit spread all over the internet and I just can't believe how something so good can go to so much shit. And I fuckin just can't believe people. Stealing registry numbers? Christ, these chicks should work for the fuckin FBI or something."
"Korea doesn't have an FBI, Jay," Khun softly reminded the leadja, but he heard Jaebeom grumble, and could even envision the dismissing wave of a hand.
"What the fuck ever. Look I--"
A clatter was heard in the background, and Jaebeom let out an annoyed grunt.
"Fucking phone chord. I gotta go soon, Khun, but fuck, I just want to let you know--"
Jaebeom's end went quiet, and Nichkhun's heart stopped. Had the line gone dead? Was Jaebeom okay? Nichkhun looked at his phone; he had full battery so it wasn't him. Dropped call?
Just as he was about to hang up and dial back, he heard Jae's exhale.
"I love you guys."
Silence on both ends.
"I love you, Khun. But this is a fucked up world we live in."
Khun smiled, "You're such a faggy straight man, Jaebeom."
He could hear Jaebeom's smile, "Yeah, Princess, don't you forget that."
Silence stretched for a moment, before Khun spoke.
"I love you too, Jay Park."
"And I don't care how fucked up the world is, they ain't never fuckin getting rid of telephones, so your ass can expect a call from me weekly, still."
"Maybe I'll visit the states, soon."
"Don't cause a scandal, Princess, the media would be all up in your shit if you came to the states."
"Maybe I don't care about that?"
"Maybe you're fuckin outta your head, man." Jaebeom was smiling, though. "'Aight, I really gotta go now. Don't break a nail or anything without me there, okay?"
"Yeah, I'll try not to."
Now the silence was comfortable, Nichkhun's heart swelling and shrinking all at once.
"Thanks, Jay."
"No problem, Khun. Keep it real."
The line went dead, and Nichkhun shut his phone and set it on the table, laying back down again. His heart swelled because he's glad that Jaebeom hasn't completely withdrawn, that he still has that retarded sense of humor. But it shrinks again when he thinks of the members. Jaebeom probably hasn't contacted any of them.
Junsu was trying so hard to take care of his dongsaengs.
Junho was trying his damndest to smile and not give a hoot about what anyone was saying.
Wooyoung had returned to not smiling, withdrawing himself into that shell he created when Jae first left.
Taekyeon was immersing himself in shows, schedules and scandals, trying to mask the pain with other things more distracting.
Chansung was lost without his hyungs to guide him; because they themselves were lost.
It was up to Nichkhun, who knew the truth, to try and steer the group back into the right direction. Fans might hate him for it; even the members might hate him for trying to lead them when their real leadja was gone. He didn't know what was right, and he didn't know what was wrong. He just knew what was. And right now, everything was broken.
But now, Khun sees, it could be fixed.
Jay Park had handed him a tool box.
And right now, Nichkhun was going to work on building a future of 7.
Of one.
Pairing: Jaebeom/Nichkhun
Warning: Angst
A/N: Yeah, shit got real. I'm not gonna post my opinions on that topic, really.
Just thought I'd write this and share with everyone.
First 2PM fic that's been published online.
---
It's nothing that anyone can help. What's done is done and the members can't do anything about it, Hottest can't do anything about it, even JYP, who had done something about it, couldn't do anything about it.
Jaebeom was gone, and he wasn't going to come back.
Nichkhun's hands clenched the rail of the balcony as he stared off into the distance of Seoul, taking in the giant buildings, the smog, the sound of thousands of people milling about. And while they were told to smile, to pretend to be strong, and even told how to say certain things, the fact of the matter was that 2PM was hurting. Deeply. Irrevocably.
It could not be fixed.
Letting out a sigh and letting go of the iron balcony rail, Nichkhun tried to let the tension seep out of his pores and into the air, where it could cling on to the particles of pollution and be carried away into the city. He ran a hand over his face and turned around, moving back into the dorm, sliding the door shut behind him.
"Hyung," Wooyoung spoke up from the couch, glancing over at Khun.
He didn't say anything else, and Nichkhun didn't expect him to, as the Thai Prince moved to shut himself in his bedroom.
It'd only been a few days after everything; after the contract termination, after the meeting with Hotttest.
All of them had barely spoken a word.
To each other, to JYP, to their families, to themselves.
Even internal monologues seemed to have been halted.
Nichkhun felt as if it was his fault. And whenever he tried to voice that, the other members would shake their heads and console him, telling him it wasn't his fault, it was never his fault, it wasn't anybody's fault, that it just happened.
But Nichkhun knew the truth.
---
Again & Again had topped the music charts, and 2PM couldn't have been happier. That night after the award show everyone had gotten into the dorm, hooting and hollering and causing a ruckus that would surely be complained about in the morning. But nobody cared as they all smiled and clapped each other on the back and declared that hoards of bananas would be brought towards them in victory; off to the side, Jaebeom was standing with a smug, victorious smile on his face, cell phone in his hand as his thumbs worked over the keypad.
Nichkhun had noticed this and raised a brow, but figured their leadja was texting someone from the states, telling them the news. But when his phone vibrated in his pocket, he glanced up to search for Jae - but the leader was amongst the other boys now, laughing and joking and hugging and carrying on.
The Thai Prince pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open, reading the message.
From: Leadja
Message: Yo man wasn't dat da shit? Dat gay ass tummy-rubbin dance wurked wonders 4 u after all, lol
Nichkhun smiled and shook his head, quickly typing his reply.
Well what can I say, ladies love a hungry man.
He sent the message and shut his phone, joining the group. Adrenaline was still high, but they had a schedule in the morning, and all needed to get to bed in order to get a decent amount of sleep before they were up at dawn. Out of the corner of his eye as they were all shuffling towards their respective sleeping places, he saw Jaebeom check his phone and smile to himself, before he moved into his and Junho's shared room, shutting the door behind them.
As Nichkhun lay down in his own bedroom, he stared at the bunk above his bed and started to get lost in thought. Despite everything, being in Korea, being famous, being idols, Jaebeom still did things like that. Spoke in English, sent Khun random texts about nothing and everything. It helped to ease the homesick feeling that Nichkhun sometimes got, and he appreciated Jaebeom as a leader for that, and even more as a friend.
Just as the Thai boy was getting ready to fall asleep, he heard his door creak open. His cracked open an eye and saw Jaebeom's head poking in; Nichkhun gave a small smile and waved for the leadja to enter. Jaebeom shut the door behind him and glided over to the bed, sliding under the covers without an invitation, making Nichkhun let out a noise of annoyance.
"Jay, I'm not gonna be your teddy bear tonight," Khun said in English, and Jae responded by wrapping his arms around the Thai Prince's waist.
"I just can't believe it, Khun. We've worked so hard for this and it finally happened, and I suck at making speeches and shit so I just dance like a fucktard, mostly because I can't fuckin say what I wanna say in Korean," Jaebeom let out a breath that tickled Nichkhun's neck. "We're number one, Khun. The best."
Nichkhun smiled, enjoying the fact that even when everyone else had passed out from too much excitement, Jaebeom was still brimming with the racing sensation.
"Kinda makes you feel like you can conquer anything, right?" Nichkhun said, wrapping his arms around Jaebeom's shoulders.
"Something like that," Jaebeom laughed, and tilted his head up towards Khun.
For a second, they just smiled at each other, content with their win. After another second, though, Nichkhun was surprisingly unsurprised at the meeting of their lips in the dark, seeking out the comfort in each other, sharing in the happiness completely.
It wasn't Khun's first kiss. It surely wasn't Jaebeom's, either. But it was their first kiss together, and it was the first time Khun even thought about kissing another man - about kissing Jaebeom - but it doesn't matter right now because Jaebeom was proud and thankful to have Nichkhun in his group, and Nichkhun was proud and thankful to have Jaebeom as a leader.
The kiss lingered in its chastity, before it finally broke, Jaebeom's head pillowed against Khun's chest. They fell asleep like that, a different sort of buzz running through their systems.
---
And so it had continued, and it had begun. The random texts were continued, but slowly started to hold more meaning. The glances, the touches, the excuses for games on variety shows that were packed with fan-service to get beautiful men to touch and grope and kiss each other had become more apparent, and transparent all at once, Jaebeom and Nichkhun ready to accept them for the fans, but seeing through to the deeper meaning they held.
Nichkhun and Jaebeom had grown impossibly close; they had shared their secrets, their dreams, their everything with each other. They continued to grow with the group, continued to grow with each other and by themselves.
It took almost four years for them to get to where they were. Could have been longer, could have been shorter; Nichkhun had no sense of time, now.
It took less than four days for it to be ripped away from them.
And now, it took three days to rip the rest of them to pieces, shreds of the image that they once had been floating on the wind that carried chants of 'back-stabber' and 'liar'.
Nichkhun's phone on his bedside table vibrated. He rolled over and picked it up, expecting it to be a member telling him to get his ass out of his room or else he'll be dinner-less. But when an international number flickered on the screen and the phone kept vibrating, Nichkhun felt his heart leap into his throat.
He flipped it open, and held the ear to his phone. There was silence for a few moments, and then finally, a sigh.
"If you're trying to telepathically greet me, it's not going to work, my ESPN is blocked by Russian satellites."
"Jay," Khun breathed, afraid to say his name too loud, as if to shatter the illusion of what was happening.
"Hey, so, shit hit the fan and I got myself into a lot of trouble, obviously, and I just wanted to call to tell you--"
"Jay, you can't do this, I know why you're gone, and I should be too, it's my fault--"
"Khun, shut the fuck up so I can talk, 'aight?"
Khun closed his mouth. He heard Jaebeom shuffle a bit on the other line.
"It's fuckin three in the God damn morning here and all I can think about is... Fuck. Shit's really fucked up."
Jaebeom's not making any sense. Then again, he never did make sense in the first place.
"I'm sorry."
The apology everyone has been waiting for; everyone except for Nichkhun. He had been the one that wanted to apologize.
"Shit's just retarded, y'know? It's like I can't catch a fucking break. First I'm that weird guy that can't speak Korean good--"
"Well. You can't speak Korean well."
"-- Shut the fuck up Princess, I'm talking. Anyway, first I'm the weird guy that can't speak Korean well, then I'm that weird guy that can't keep his shirt on, then I'm that fuck-face that can't keep his mouth shut because he's a dumbfuck trainee, and now I'm the guy that can't give his fans a legit reason as to why he had to fuckin leave."
Khun stayed silent, even though he wanted to ask Jaebeom to curse less, and make more sense. He knew neither would happen.
"Fuck, Khun. I'm so sorry all of this happened."
He wanted to yell at Jaebeom, tell him to stop apologizing, but he knew it wouldn't do any good. Jaebeom was the leader, the group was his responsibility, and anything bad or good that happened to the group, he would be held accountable for. This was no exception.
"I fuckin see all of that shit spread all over the internet and I just can't believe how something so good can go to so much shit. And I fuckin just can't believe people. Stealing registry numbers? Christ, these chicks should work for the fuckin FBI or something."
"Korea doesn't have an FBI, Jay," Khun softly reminded the leadja, but he heard Jaebeom grumble, and could even envision the dismissing wave of a hand.
"What the fuck ever. Look I--"
A clatter was heard in the background, and Jaebeom let out an annoyed grunt.
"Fucking phone chord. I gotta go soon, Khun, but fuck, I just want to let you know--"
Jaebeom's end went quiet, and Nichkhun's heart stopped. Had the line gone dead? Was Jaebeom okay? Nichkhun looked at his phone; he had full battery so it wasn't him. Dropped call?
Just as he was about to hang up and dial back, he heard Jae's exhale.
"I love you guys."
Silence on both ends.
"I love you, Khun. But this is a fucked up world we live in."
Khun smiled, "You're such a faggy straight man, Jaebeom."
He could hear Jaebeom's smile, "Yeah, Princess, don't you forget that."
Silence stretched for a moment, before Khun spoke.
"I love you too, Jay Park."
"And I don't care how fucked up the world is, they ain't never fuckin getting rid of telephones, so your ass can expect a call from me weekly, still."
"Maybe I'll visit the states, soon."
"Don't cause a scandal, Princess, the media would be all up in your shit if you came to the states."
"Maybe I don't care about that?"
"Maybe you're fuckin outta your head, man." Jaebeom was smiling, though. "'Aight, I really gotta go now. Don't break a nail or anything without me there, okay?"
"Yeah, I'll try not to."
Now the silence was comfortable, Nichkhun's heart swelling and shrinking all at once.
"Thanks, Jay."
"No problem, Khun. Keep it real."
The line went dead, and Nichkhun shut his phone and set it on the table, laying back down again. His heart swelled because he's glad that Jaebeom hasn't completely withdrawn, that he still has that retarded sense of humor. But it shrinks again when he thinks of the members. Jaebeom probably hasn't contacted any of them.
Junsu was trying so hard to take care of his dongsaengs.
Junho was trying his damndest to smile and not give a hoot about what anyone was saying.
Wooyoung had returned to not smiling, withdrawing himself into that shell he created when Jae first left.
Taekyeon was immersing himself in shows, schedules and scandals, trying to mask the pain with other things more distracting.
Chansung was lost without his hyungs to guide him; because they themselves were lost.
It was up to Nichkhun, who knew the truth, to try and steer the group back into the right direction. Fans might hate him for it; even the members might hate him for trying to lead them when their real leadja was gone. He didn't know what was right, and he didn't know what was wrong. He just knew what was. And right now, everything was broken.
But now, Khun sees, it could be fixed.
Jay Park had handed him a tool box.
And right now, Nichkhun was going to work on building a future of 7.
Of one.