good place to hide feelings.
i'm back home now for a two days now and its kinda crazy, i miss everyone. i really liked how me and cali lived together and i got to see my friends everyday. but now that i'm not there, i feel like i'm not friends with any of them anymore cause they don't call me or include me in anything. out of everyone the people i talk to the most are beck and sam and there both away at college. i miss my old friends, highschool. those were the days i loved to hate because i hated how miserable i was but i love how much fun i had being innocent and crazy with those people. the people that knew the real me.
i'm lonely. i should be happy to be out of a relationship cause thats what i wanted all along right? nah. instead i've just ended up hurting myself more. all i feel now is used and thrown away. i liked gavin and i thought maybe just maybe he could help me move on from ricardo and i could help him move on from holly but that just ended me being used for sex and never spoken about again and like nothing ever happend. you kno when you just meet that person you feel so unbelievable comfertable around and that you can share everything and not feel judged or insecure? he made me feel that way and i loved it, i just wish he would have felt the same and maybe he did but just gave back into holly. is it wrong to be mad at your best friend in the whole world? holly its pulling strings with gavin and knows that the second he started to move on THATS when she loves him again. thats just a relationship i don't want to turn into a love triangle so i guess i'll back off.
i saw ricardo a few weeks ago for the first time in a while and i went even knowing he was going to be there. the usual happend but he was too barred out to remember the next day and we ended up seeing eachother quite a lot within that week and i thought maybe he has changed and things could go back to before but better but then i got a huge shock that he had a girlfriend he had been cheating on and he's stopped speaking to me because apparently he's pussy whipped.
i just wonder sometimes if all this work i put up with will pay off in the end. if living in this hell to hope for a better tomorrow will ever come because it hasn't and it seems everything just keeps going downhill. i don't have a best friend i can spill everything too and have cute sleepovers with and also be my badass party buddy. i don't have that boy that takes my breath away and releases those butterflies in my stomach. i don't have the job i want instead i'm just doing bitch work and soon thats all i'm goin to be doin to pay the bills.
i just hope to get away this weekend and have all this stress be released before i come back and start my whole official living on my complete own. no roomate and no family help, think it can happen? i kno it will.
i'm lonely. i should be happy to be out of a relationship cause thats what i wanted all along right? nah. instead i've just ended up hurting myself more. all i feel now is used and thrown away. i liked gavin and i thought maybe just maybe he could help me move on from ricardo and i could help him move on from holly but that just ended me being used for sex and never spoken about again and like nothing ever happend. you kno when you just meet that person you feel so unbelievable comfertable around and that you can share everything and not feel judged or insecure? he made me feel that way and i loved it, i just wish he would have felt the same and maybe he did but just gave back into holly. is it wrong to be mad at your best friend in the whole world? holly its pulling strings with gavin and knows that the second he started to move on THATS when she loves him again. thats just a relationship i don't want to turn into a love triangle so i guess i'll back off.
i saw ricardo a few weeks ago for the first time in a while and i went even knowing he was going to be there. the usual happend but he was too barred out to remember the next day and we ended up seeing eachother quite a lot within that week and i thought maybe he has changed and things could go back to before but better but then i got a huge shock that he had a girlfriend he had been cheating on and he's stopped speaking to me because apparently he's pussy whipped.
i just wonder sometimes if all this work i put up with will pay off in the end. if living in this hell to hope for a better tomorrow will ever come because it hasn't and it seems everything just keeps going downhill. i don't have a best friend i can spill everything too and have cute sleepovers with and also be my badass party buddy. i don't have that boy that takes my breath away and releases those butterflies in my stomach. i don't have the job i want instead i'm just doing bitch work and soon thats all i'm goin to be doin to pay the bills.
i just hope to get away this weekend and have all this stress be released before i come back and start my whole official living on my complete own. no roomate and no family help, think it can happen? i kno it will.