My life - the re-runs
Why do I always fall for the guy I am about to leave?
The last week has been an interesting and good week. It was nice to get back to the regiment, it felt good to put on the uniform. The people I sort of knew when I left had during the vacation somehow grown into some of my closest friends. We knew each other by now, nobody cared to tread lightly anymore. The week on the JAS side was great. Where the helicopter side had been dead boring, I do love those airplanes. It made me sad to think that I will be leaving it all after next week.
But what really hit me the most was to realize how much I had come to care for this one special guy. I know, he is younger than me and he even has a girlfriend, but I can't help but wanting to touch him, to find out what his skin feels like under my fingertips. It is an odd feeling. I'm not attracted to him as such, but there is something about him that makes me just want to be close to him, to feel his arms around me. We have this pretty harsh jargon between us, but I can't help but smile every time he says something to me.
And it is not only me. There is something between us. You can see it in his eyes, the way he lets his eyes rest on me during lunch breaks, how we have spent the week in the air side poking and pushing each other, how we always manage to become the center of any conversation we're both in. On Thursday night we had all gathered in the day room to watch tv, and even though people came and went he always sat down next to me, dropping comments about the movie and my mom and some such. And he leaned in towards me.
He's got the prettiest green eyes, and a look that for some reason melts my heart every time it falls upon me.
Why, oh, why am I leaving?
He was pretty upset when he found out about my plans. E is considering leaving too at some point this fall, and the combination didn't fall well before him.
"What? Why - WHY - doesn't anybody tell me these things!", he shouted.
"But you've got all the others, you'll have lots of fun..."
"Yeah, but you two were my real buddies...!"
At those words my heart liquified. I have been glancing at him since we first started talking, but it is during this last week the feelings have grown into something else. I don't even know what. It's not a crush, I'm not in love with him.
I just... care for him. A lot.
It is always like this. I start liking somebody - and next week move two hundred miles away. It is the thirt fucking time this has happened.
It's like watching Real Life re-runs.
P.S. I saw a JAS 39 Gripen crash on Thursday. For real. Human pilot error, something about the wheels. Pilot is okay. First bad landing for years, last day on the training period.
What are the odds.
The last week has been an interesting and good week. It was nice to get back to the regiment, it felt good to put on the uniform. The people I sort of knew when I left had during the vacation somehow grown into some of my closest friends. We knew each other by now, nobody cared to tread lightly anymore. The week on the JAS side was great. Where the helicopter side had been dead boring, I do love those airplanes. It made me sad to think that I will be leaving it all after next week.
But what really hit me the most was to realize how much I had come to care for this one special guy. I know, he is younger than me and he even has a girlfriend, but I can't help but wanting to touch him, to find out what his skin feels like under my fingertips. It is an odd feeling. I'm not attracted to him as such, but there is something about him that makes me just want to be close to him, to feel his arms around me. We have this pretty harsh jargon between us, but I can't help but smile every time he says something to me.
And it is not only me. There is something between us. You can see it in his eyes, the way he lets his eyes rest on me during lunch breaks, how we have spent the week in the air side poking and pushing each other, how we always manage to become the center of any conversation we're both in. On Thursday night we had all gathered in the day room to watch tv, and even though people came and went he always sat down next to me, dropping comments about the movie and my mom and some such. And he leaned in towards me.
He's got the prettiest green eyes, and a look that for some reason melts my heart every time it falls upon me.
Why, oh, why am I leaving?
He was pretty upset when he found out about my plans. E is considering leaving too at some point this fall, and the combination didn't fall well before him.
"What? Why - WHY - doesn't anybody tell me these things!", he shouted.
"But you've got all the others, you'll have lots of fun..."
"Yeah, but you two were my real buddies...!"
At those words my heart liquified. I have been glancing at him since we first started talking, but it is during this last week the feelings have grown into something else. I don't even know what. It's not a crush, I'm not in love with him.
I just... care for him. A lot.
It is always like this. I start liking somebody - and next week move two hundred miles away. It is the thirt fucking time this has happened.
It's like watching Real Life re-runs.
P.S. I saw a JAS 39 Gripen crash on Thursday. For real. Human pilot error, something about the wheels. Pilot is okay. First bad landing for years, last day on the training period.
What are the odds.