Old friends and new thoughts
On a normal day I usually don't meet a lot of people. Maybe I run in to an aquintance downtown, or have a coffee with a friend at one of the cafés by the square, but other than that I am not the overly social type. I don't know that many people to run into, and those I do know hardly ever pass my way.
Today I met both J and M, the former for the first time since June and the second since January.
I have established two things. First off, J is damn good looking. Is now and has always been, and hell yeah I'm attracted to him. Am now and will always be. However, it is on an acceptable level now. We joke around and things are generally cool. We like eachother, and that's enough. It doesn't have to go further than that.
He had snuck upon me as I was walking - my head as previously mentioned busy wandering around completely unattatched to reality - and we stopped and talked for a while. He showed me his new tattoo (Good God, if he really wanted me to back off one would think he ought to know better than to show me a tattoo) and when I had to leave for the bus he asked me when I was moving and how I was working this week.
"Morning shifts the rest of the week and then night shift during the weekend. Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering... I may call you", he smiled in his usual leisurely way as he hopped onto his bike. "And either way I've got your number."
"Sure", I replied as I started off towards the bus stop. "You know, if you ever happen to pass by Lund..."
"Yeah, why not?", he shouted back before the distance grew too long to keep up the conversation .
I smiled all the way into Gävle.
After a short stop at home I headed back to town to meet up with M for a coffee.
The last time I met him I had still been rather upset about the whole maths issue, and things had not run as smoothly as it could have. We hadn't heard much from eachother after that. However, during the summer I have had time to think and process a lot of things, and much of the old anger I carried inside of me has faded and dissapeared. One of those things were the grudge against M.
He is a really nice guy once you get behind all of that "I'm such a great guy without a care in the world and I know all sorts of things and I can teach you all about everything" attitude. He is also constitute a great exercise in the art of listening. Just let him ramble away and even though you might not agree with him all the time, listen to what he has to say anyway. He does know what he is talking about sometimes, and he is pretty good at what he does. Even a blind hen, as they say...
He is also a very caring friend, and I do think he likes me a lot and mourns just a little the fact that I am dissapearing so far away so soon.
He also gave me some things to think about. He did some shiatsu on me, which honestly was just what I needed, and after that told me some things that he could feel in my Qi. I need to eat better (no surprise there), I ought to do yoga (on my to do list for Lund activites) and that I have a lot of anger held down inside of me (no shit, Sherlock).
Nothing I didn't know myself, but somehow things always rings truer from somebody elses lips. I know now some of the things I need to do, and how to solve some of the things I didn't know how to solve before or at least how to begin.
This has been a turbulent year. A year of loss and gain, of love and pain, of trust and betrayal. Things have been down to rock bottom and just when you think the worst was ofer it comes right back and hit you hard enough to shatter your remaining illusions about life and yourself, and only now I am finally - slowly - gaining height again, towards a new day I have never seen before.
My first step towards this will be to go to bed.
Good night.
Today I met both J and M, the former for the first time since June and the second since January.
I have established two things. First off, J is damn good looking. Is now and has always been, and hell yeah I'm attracted to him. Am now and will always be. However, it is on an acceptable level now. We joke around and things are generally cool. We like eachother, and that's enough. It doesn't have to go further than that.
He had snuck upon me as I was walking - my head as previously mentioned busy wandering around completely unattatched to reality - and we stopped and talked for a while. He showed me his new tattoo (Good God, if he really wanted me to back off one would think he ought to know better than to show me a tattoo) and when I had to leave for the bus he asked me when I was moving and how I was working this week.
"Morning shifts the rest of the week and then night shift during the weekend. Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering... I may call you", he smiled in his usual leisurely way as he hopped onto his bike. "And either way I've got your number."
"Sure", I replied as I started off towards the bus stop. "You know, if you ever happen to pass by Lund..."
"Yeah, why not?", he shouted back before the distance grew too long to keep up the conversation .
I smiled all the way into Gävle.
After a short stop at home I headed back to town to meet up with M for a coffee.
The last time I met him I had still been rather upset about the whole maths issue, and things had not run as smoothly as it could have. We hadn't heard much from eachother after that. However, during the summer I have had time to think and process a lot of things, and much of the old anger I carried inside of me has faded and dissapeared. One of those things were the grudge against M.
He is a really nice guy once you get behind all of that "I'm such a great guy without a care in the world and I know all sorts of things and I can teach you all about everything" attitude. He is also constitute a great exercise in the art of listening. Just let him ramble away and even though you might not agree with him all the time, listen to what he has to say anyway. He does know what he is talking about sometimes, and he is pretty good at what he does. Even a blind hen, as they say...
He is also a very caring friend, and I do think he likes me a lot and mourns just a little the fact that I am dissapearing so far away so soon.
He also gave me some things to think about. He did some shiatsu on me, which honestly was just what I needed, and after that told me some things that he could feel in my Qi. I need to eat better (no surprise there), I ought to do yoga (on my to do list for Lund activites) and that I have a lot of anger held down inside of me (no shit, Sherlock).
Nothing I didn't know myself, but somehow things always rings truer from somebody elses lips. I know now some of the things I need to do, and how to solve some of the things I didn't know how to solve before or at least how to begin.
This has been a turbulent year. A year of loss and gain, of love and pain, of trust and betrayal. Things have been down to rock bottom and just when you think the worst was ofer it comes right back and hit you hard enough to shatter your remaining illusions about life and yourself, and only now I am finally - slowly - gaining height again, towards a new day I have never seen before.
My first step towards this will be to go to bed.
Good night.