Reverse and Rebirth: Dawn
Last updated 55 weeks ago
After more than a year, I finally update.
Even though I've received nudges and alerts.
I haven't been checking up on what everyone is doing now.
It's a bad habit that I need to really work at.
Minna, gomen ne?
To everyone, I'm sorry about that.
I will try harder in the future. *bows* m(_ _)m
Thank you so much to kittywings and ryoko293 for reminding me again and again. ^^;;
For me, deciding to come back and write, was a big move.
I can't quite explain the reason for hesitation.
For one, it signifies that I am present and alive, lol.
I don't mean to disappear, things just pile up
Next thing I know, a year has passed.
It's awkward, trying to touch on something that is long overdue.
It's like, "Where have you been? Who are you to do this now?"
But still, there's this feeling that it has to be done.
But these are just excuses.
Hesitation.
It'll only get worse the longer you wait,
so why is it so hard to get it done and over with?
It's kind of like the way women are very particular about choosing a partner.
So much energy goes into bringing up a child,
you don't want to make a wrong choice.
A barrier of caution is always present.
Similarly, writing is a huge project
that I know will take up a lot of time.
It's something I want to do yet avoid.
A barrier of caution is always present.
In any case...
Another decision made:
I am now also sharing these entries on Facebook.
In a more public light with the eerie Newsfeed
It is slightly more alarming.
Over the years, I feel that I know and trust everyone at LJ.
Although I've always made most entires public...
Sticking them directly into people's faces is different,
even if I do know who they are in real life.
Somehow, I am more comfortable with people
I've never met, from all over the world, reading my blog
but not with acquaintances from school.
It's not something I have to do.
But I'm going out on a limb here, people.
So, in order to play catch-up,
I set myself a project series called, "Reverse and Rebirth"
and if you know me or video games, then yes,
I did take it from Kingdom Hearts. :D
But it's a very fitting title,
especially with my LJ profile.
Following the theme from KH, I've started at Dawn
and will move my way towards Midnight,
summarizing and reflecting over the past year.
But let's start with
My first Saturday without work in almost two months,
Finally, a day where I'm not obligated to go anywhere
The only thing I can think of is grocery shopping.
Even then, I don't have the energy.
It's kinda pathetic.
Originally, I wanted to go to the city,
Just wandering around San Francisco,
Something I haven't done in a long while.
But I realized: to walk all day
and then have to stand for 8 hours at work tomorrow...
-_-
So I stayed home, got caught up on what I want and should do.
Looking into my future.
Looking into my fandom.
Looking into my friends.
People I have not spoken to personally in a long while.
Places I've forgotten.
Made myself something to eat.
But when I went to use the microwave,
there was a pool of water where you usually put the food!
So I cleaned and wiped down the entire inside.
And then, as I do every time I use the kitchen,
wiped down the counter,
brushing dried rice and bread crumbs into the trash.
Honestly, it's not that hard!
*sigh*
And someone left the stove a complete mess.
This is what it must feel like to be a mother.
In the end, I spent most of today writing. Refreshing, but difficult still.
We'll see how long I can keep up this time.