The results...
...of the other day's little masterclass performance:
I'd give it a 7/10.
I played entirely too fast, I was out of tune on my thirds (worse than usual), and...yeah. It was quite vertical. I don't like vertical, I prefer my Bach horizontal. Did I get thorough it? Yeah. Was it very musical? Hardly.
My teacher's final thought on it was I simply need to be more focused. I have to practice focus more than anything else.
Warning: this is going to get long and involved, emotional/goal-oriented. Very stream-of-consciousness. You are fairly warned.
So my main problem is focus. I mean, I certainly have the piece memorized, because I've played it probably 100 or more times from memory without problems, or with very little. The problem, therefore, lies in that when placed in a performance setting, I lose my nerve. This isn't anything new to a musician, but for me it might have a lot to do with my goals, my objectives in music. I'll get back to that, though.
After the initial playing, my teacher decided to test my focus by having one of the other violists -- who is a very, ahem, flamboyant guy -- to 'dance' while I played (it *is* a German dance, after all...). The point of it was to distract me. My teacher said I had to keep playing. Honestly, the entire studio was laughing their asses off (including myself) -- but I kept playing. And I played probably 10x better than before, worked out many of the issues I was having, and overall was just a lot more musical. My teacher said the distraction made me focus more, but I don't think that's all of it.
After the masterclass I was on the bus with one of the other violists, and we were laughing because the other guys had to go to opera rehearsal from 7pm-9pm, whereas we did not (ha!). Then I mentioned that I wish I were playing the opera, and my friend said she *hated* playing in opera. When asked why, she said "Because I don't want people looking at those singers. I want them focusing on me." THAT's the difference, key to both what happened when Geoffery was jumping around and when I'm playing in the pit: the focus is not on me. I don't want to play for people. I like playing in the pit, accompanying other musicians. In a quartet the focus is on the group as a whole, not just me. I've always been a 'behind-the-scenes' kinda girl...even in art, I was usually doing graphic design or some such thing where, despite my hand being in everything, I wasn't in the direct spotlight. So it goes with music, terrible as that may be for a performance major.
So I need to change my whole attitude towards playing and performance. I need to think like a soloist, even though I'm more of a team player. Even though I always have liked to work alone. God this is confusing.
Yeah yeah...I'm not updating like I said I would. OOoops. And just to make things better, I have another masterclass performance of the Bach Courante *next* week. Damnable.
I'd give it a 7/10.
I played entirely too fast, I was out of tune on my thirds (worse than usual), and...yeah. It was quite vertical. I don't like vertical, I prefer my Bach horizontal. Did I get thorough it? Yeah. Was it very musical? Hardly.
My teacher's final thought on it was I simply need to be more focused. I have to practice focus more than anything else.
Warning: this is going to get long and involved, emotional/goal-oriented. Very stream-of-consciousness. You are fairly warned.
So my main problem is focus. I mean, I certainly have the piece memorized, because I've played it probably 100 or more times from memory without problems, or with very little. The problem, therefore, lies in that when placed in a performance setting, I lose my nerve. This isn't anything new to a musician, but for me it might have a lot to do with my goals, my objectives in music. I'll get back to that, though.
After the initial playing, my teacher decided to test my focus by having one of the other violists -- who is a very, ahem, flamboyant guy -- to 'dance' while I played (it *is* a German dance, after all...). The point of it was to distract me. My teacher said I had to keep playing. Honestly, the entire studio was laughing their asses off (including myself) -- but I kept playing. And I played probably 10x better than before, worked out many of the issues I was having, and overall was just a lot more musical. My teacher said the distraction made me focus more, but I don't think that's all of it.
After the masterclass I was on the bus with one of the other violists, and we were laughing because the other guys had to go to opera rehearsal from 7pm-9pm, whereas we did not (ha!). Then I mentioned that I wish I were playing the opera, and my friend said she *hated* playing in opera. When asked why, she said "Because I don't want people looking at those singers. I want them focusing on me." THAT's the difference, key to both what happened when Geoffery was jumping around and when I'm playing in the pit: the focus is not on me. I don't want to play for people. I like playing in the pit, accompanying other musicians. In a quartet the focus is on the group as a whole, not just me. I've always been a 'behind-the-scenes' kinda girl...even in art, I was usually doing graphic design or some such thing where, despite my hand being in everything, I wasn't in the direct spotlight. So it goes with music, terrible as that may be for a performance major.
So I need to change my whole attitude towards playing and performance. I need to think like a soloist, even though I'm more of a team player. Even though I always have liked to work alone. God this is confusing.
Yeah yeah...I'm not updating like I said I would. OOoops. And just to make things better, I have another masterclass performance of the Bach Courante *next* week. Damnable.