I'm still here :(
Sorry I've been MIA for awhile. I'm still here though. As some of you know I have anxiety and panic attacks. I haven't had the best month. I went home to New Jersey for Thanksgiving. First time I've been home in four years. I was excited and had a great time. I was fine when I left until I saw the Delaware Memorial Bridge. I lost it and started crying. I didn't want to go back to Alabama. I can't even call it home anymore because now I know it's not. It's where I reside but it's not home.
The past month I've been feeling off. Sleeping a lot, overeating, not going to the gym, putting off school work and not caring if I got it done. Last week I wrote my Shakespeare paper two hours before it was due and didn't even study for my finals. I just didn't care. I put up my Christmas Tree and didn't decorate it. It's still there in the corner bare and I have no desire to put on a single ornament. I didn't want to go Christmas shopping or plan on making the many cookies that I make every Christmas. I told myself 'I'm just not feeling it this year.'
Last night it hit me after a very bad day at work. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be here for Christmas. I wanted to go home. I was seriously considering packing up my car and just leaving. My best friend talked me out of it. Reminding me I only have 6 classes left till I graduate. It's totally rational to stay and finish. I know she's right but it doesn't change the fact that this is not where I want to be anymore. So I called my mom and like a little kid told her I wanted to come home for christmas. So, I'm leaving next friday to go home for Christmas.
I still feel anxious and depressed and I can't stop crying. I hate feeling like this. Part of me thinks I shouldn't have gone home for Thanksgiving. I was fine with being away from everyone up till then.
Sorry this is so long. I just needed to rant.
The past month I've been feeling off. Sleeping a lot, overeating, not going to the gym, putting off school work and not caring if I got it done. Last week I wrote my Shakespeare paper two hours before it was due and didn't even study for my finals. I just didn't care. I put up my Christmas Tree and didn't decorate it. It's still there in the corner bare and I have no desire to put on a single ornament. I didn't want to go Christmas shopping or plan on making the many cookies that I make every Christmas. I told myself 'I'm just not feeling it this year.'
Last night it hit me after a very bad day at work. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be here for Christmas. I wanted to go home. I was seriously considering packing up my car and just leaving. My best friend talked me out of it. Reminding me I only have 6 classes left till I graduate. It's totally rational to stay and finish. I know she's right but it doesn't change the fact that this is not where I want to be anymore. So I called my mom and like a little kid told her I wanted to come home for christmas. So, I'm leaving next friday to go home for Christmas.
I still feel anxious and depressed and I can't stop crying. I hate feeling like this. Part of me thinks I shouldn't have gone home for Thanksgiving. I was fine with being away from everyone up till then.
Sorry this is so long. I just needed to rant.