(no subject)
On the way to work today I was thinking about looking into anti-depressants. I really hate to be on them, and I have been on a slew of them at one time or another. My moods have really evened out the past few years and I don't want to fuck with it, and yet I don't think the way I've been feeling is normal. I mean, yes, considering what happened it's normal but not to the degree of intensity and frequency this long after. I thought I had a good grip on it at one point but there is no mistaking it or hiding from it now, I am most definitely depressed. I've been meaning to look into grief counseling and I'm going to committ myself to making a few phone calls tomorrow. Hopefully then I can also piggypack that with medication and get myself sorted out. I can't very well move forward with my life if I'm the one holding me back. I'm tired of feeling like this half-person who overcompensates for the other half drowning itself. I'm tired of this rollercoaster ride. I want to be the better version of me I know is inside and sometimes peaks out.