Perfection of the imprefect rose. . .
Standards are set by individuals each time, but it's how the goals und standards are met that make us stand out in the crowd. I have thought about a lot of things, und there were a lot of things that were brought up during my meditations. I noticed that the scar on my left shoulder carries a weight of its own, even though it's only an imperfection on the skin, in medical terms und by those that see it. Confidence is gained through the way we hold our heads up in the face of adversity.
My nightmares no longer bear the weight they once had on me. At least for now. I started doing what Herr Pegasus began to do und it seems to work. This way, it allows me to see if they are reoccurring or if they are truly a manifestation of fear from the energies of the ghosts trying to tell me something.
The cool autumn air plays through my hair as I walk through the garden. I can feel the gentleness in the breeze that everything will be fine. I close my eyes as I sat on the carved stone bench, looking up at Atem's window. I haven't seen him in a few days und I worry. I have seen him during meals, but not much more than that. He hasn't said much to me, only in passing, but I somehow know that it's not the relationship, or the potential thereof that's making him uncomfortable.
I walk up to my daffodils as they danced in the breeze. I held one gently by the face, lifting it like so, to gaze at the beauty of it's simplicity. My hair spilled to the side as I moved my hand to have the stray locks meet the others. I know that this is rare for me to be out alone, but I felt the need to be with the beauty around me, to appreciate simplicity in it's purest form. I closed my eyes, und the images of Atem und those I cared about, were visible. I sat in silence, focusing on just their faces, und there it was. The answer I have been seeking within myself for so long. I know who I am, I am the heir und son to the von Schroeder Empire. I am caretaker to the fortune of the von Schroeder name.
I am ashamed to admit that my promiscuous behavior was uncalled for. It tarnished the name of my forefathers und it left a huge mark on my reputation that I have to clean up. Being with Atem made me realize my mistakes. My heart burns with the desire to make it right.
With each day that Atem is here, I feel complete und whole. I like this feeling. Raphael showed me patience und I appreciate that. Now that we are close friends, I feel that there is nothing that I can't tell him. I have an open und honest relationship with Raphael, und the same with Atem. I hope the day comes that I can truly give myself to Atem without the guilt of loss.