Sometimes life
is weird.
I dunno. Occasionally I lose all hope and sense of reality and I start to feel awfully sorry for myself. Which is a horrible thing to do really, cos I have nothing to truly feel sorry about.
It is also true that this is maybe my fourth weekend in a row of sitting on my bed with my laptop on my knee, wondering where the hell did my social life go. Swear to God. I used to go out ALL the time. Not drinking or doing bold teenagery things, but to the cinema, or to a party, or even to a friends house to watch DVD's and bitch. It's probably all my fault.
When I was very young, I made what will be a lifelong friend. I will call her Julie. Now Julie is older than me by one year, which didn't make any odds to begin with, and never really did until now. I made the silly mistake of making friends with girls from her year at school and now my entire social circle consists of people who are either at college or hurtling towards it faster than you can say CAO. The sad fact is that Julie is doing her Leaving Cert, and as implied in the title of the exam, she will be Leaving.
I wouldn't mind that, except I have learned that I have no real friends my exact age. When girls from my class go out on the weekends, I do not go with. It never made any difference cos I always had somewhere to go anyway, but now that they're all going mad studying and becoming hermits and slaves to their books I have no one. It's quite depressing. It makes me wonder what I will do next year when they are actually gone and I will be spending one of my formative years exactly as I am doing now, making self-piteous posts on LJ and hoping to God for someone to ask me to the movies, or to their birthday party. Guh.
I watched Ghost World, which came all nicely packaged from play.com a little while ago, and I have found yet another fictional character to relate to in Enid. She, in her frustration with the world and how it works, reaches out to another lonely person and they become firm friends. I feel that way now. If anyone, even someone as creepy-but-friendly as Steve Buscemi (and my is he creepy) showed any interest in being friends with me I'd jump on it. Christ. I have to do something about this.
I was thinking a while back about joining a drama club in town, it's not amazingly good or anything but it'd be someplace to meet new people, to get involved in something. I think it ends for summer about now, but I might join next year as a kind of distraction, a study break, cos Lord knows that's all I'll be doing. Fucking brilliant.
I really need a date, evidently. There are officially NO boys I'd touch in this town. It's such a shame. I really don't want to be one of them desperate ones. (I believe I said this before....)
*screams into a pillowcase*