after reading all night.
starting the last voyage of somebody sailor...by john barth..as i was cleaning my room. ha. rooms..i found this book...eddie bought it for me last year..and like most books he buys me..i never get a chance to read them..*because he buys me lots of books*..and all of them are wonderful..so i save them between the bullshit...but alas..i am reading one of them.
he bought me another for christmas..and i am still sitting on page 36. it is a good book...but it is more of a daydream..not botched physics and analytical thinking.
too much to drink..it brings me down. i always feel like i don't have any friends..i mean real friends..ones that i am close to..and that i would rip the world apart for. i miss that. i mean eddie and me are very close..but he holds a very differant place to me..and that place is his..and not touchable..but i miss having people around me that understand me..
i am also a bit too down on myself..i wish i were smarter..and prettier..and more articulate. but i am not. and i take this and get real upset about it.
there are lots of people i want to be closer to..but i can never seem to make the time to do that. i am going to start doing that. i think that is my new years resolution of sorts.
i wanted much more from this year. i got more than i expected though. i have been through alot..as with all years of my long and fucked up life..but this one made me a little bit happy. i liked that. i am afraid that my happiness is now away..the smell still lingers..but it is distant.
i often forget that i do have people that care about me..when i drink myself to death and listen to too much cat power and cry,...
i forget that all i need is me. and that i need to be okay. whether or not that is ever going to happen i don't know.
i am tired of dancing in the fire. my feet hurt.
i want to eat slushes and get frostbite this year.
too much laura palmer..and not enough gonzo.
maybe hunter s thompson can bring me up. i am sure he is my long lost father. although i am in love with my real one. i think one day i will dig him up and let him cum down my throat.
i keep his jeweled necktie by my bed. i have a gold mary..a stick figure..and a strawberry wrapper. i am waiting for all these things of mine to put a halo over my head. maybe god got mad at me for dreaming of boys when i was little. maybe he wants me to return those kerouac books to the library that i stole when i was 16.
i am worried about today...or tonight. i get real weird about holidays. i always want them to be perfect.
they never are.
i can distort my memories to make them right. i never had a dream journal. how is yours going?
thank you for my cat power dvd. i found it hours later. you could have hid under my bed, that is a nice warm place to be sometimes.
i want my mom to smile again.
sadness is overrated.
he bought me another for christmas..and i am still sitting on page 36. it is a good book...but it is more of a daydream..not botched physics and analytical thinking.
too much to drink..it brings me down. i always feel like i don't have any friends..i mean real friends..ones that i am close to..and that i would rip the world apart for. i miss that. i mean eddie and me are very close..but he holds a very differant place to me..and that place is his..and not touchable..but i miss having people around me that understand me..
i am also a bit too down on myself..i wish i were smarter..and prettier..and more articulate. but i am not. and i take this and get real upset about it.
there are lots of people i want to be closer to..but i can never seem to make the time to do that. i am going to start doing that. i think that is my new years resolution of sorts.
i wanted much more from this year. i got more than i expected though. i have been through alot..as with all years of my long and fucked up life..but this one made me a little bit happy. i liked that. i am afraid that my happiness is now away..the smell still lingers..but it is distant.
i often forget that i do have people that care about me..when i drink myself to death and listen to too much cat power and cry,...
i forget that all i need is me. and that i need to be okay. whether or not that is ever going to happen i don't know.
i am tired of dancing in the fire. my feet hurt.
i want to eat slushes and get frostbite this year.
too much laura palmer..and not enough gonzo.
maybe hunter s thompson can bring me up. i am sure he is my long lost father. although i am in love with my real one. i think one day i will dig him up and let him cum down my throat.
i keep his jeweled necktie by my bed. i have a gold mary..a stick figure..and a strawberry wrapper. i am waiting for all these things of mine to put a halo over my head. maybe god got mad at me for dreaming of boys when i was little. maybe he wants me to return those kerouac books to the library that i stole when i was 16.
i am worried about today...or tonight. i get real weird about holidays. i always want them to be perfect.
they never are.
i can distort my memories to make them right. i never had a dream journal. how is yours going?
thank you for my cat power dvd. i found it hours later. you could have hid under my bed, that is a nice warm place to be sometimes.
i want my mom to smile again.
sadness is overrated.