it's all happening
It's 5:45 in the morning. I've been up all night. Just dropped Joey off at the EMS staging area - where he will be staying for the next three days, brought his A-Bag (well -- whatever it's called in the civilian world). It's early morning, it's cool, damp, dark... the air smells like a new day - it's smells like suspense. I'm driving my scooter (which is an ATV)... things start to fall in place. The adrenaline kicks. Joey thinks I've taken drugs or something - but he's never seen me like this, most of my closest friends have never seen me like this. This is what I am trained to do... this is the brainwashing... I have not, in my adult life, lived through a possible, staged, or real disaster without having a role. And, suddenly, I'm at a loss. There is energy - to be channeled. I should be in an EOC, I should monitoring radio traffic, I should be running checklists, firing up generators, charging batteries, writing status reports, DOING something... but I'm in my living room. I can't sleep... the adrenaline is up. I cannot imagine doing something as mundane as cleaning or sewing... this energy needs to move... it needs to do something. It needs to be productive.
I'm going to lose my mind if I stay here. I'm not really sure how to deal with this. I'm torn. This feeling tells me that despite all of my statements to the alternative, I need to go back -- reserves, guard, something. Or I need to be a volunteer or something. But, yet again I am torn. I cannot be in Iraq if something is happening here. I cannot be at the whim of some agency I don't agree with... and I don't do 9-5. EVER. I have a freaking degree in Disaster Management! Can't someone in this city use me?!?!? (ok, breathe Minka)
Anyone got any bright ideas? Places I can go? Things I can do -- (ummmm... not checking people into Shelters elsewhere). A. I cannot get there and B. For certain reasons I just cannot leave this city.
Didn't realize how conditioned I was until just now.. Thank you USAF. I think I'm going to get a drink.
I'm going to lose my mind if I stay here. I'm not really sure how to deal with this. I'm torn. This feeling tells me that despite all of my statements to the alternative, I need to go back -- reserves, guard, something. Or I need to be a volunteer or something. But, yet again I am torn. I cannot be in Iraq if something is happening here. I cannot be at the whim of some agency I don't agree with... and I don't do 9-5. EVER. I have a freaking degree in Disaster Management! Can't someone in this city use me?!?!? (ok, breathe Minka)
Anyone got any bright ideas? Places I can go? Things I can do -- (ummmm... not checking people into Shelters elsewhere). A. I cannot get there and B. For certain reasons I just cannot leave this city.
Didn't realize how conditioned I was until just now.. Thank you USAF. I think I'm going to get a drink.