Worn out and worn thin
tired eyes beneath layers and layers of skin. What relief there must be in sleep. I have not had the pleasure of her company much lately.
I am not sure how i am supposed to write in this thing daily. Don't get me wrong. I like to write, but finding the time to squeeze in rational thought enough to be worthy of posting is not in my schedule. Then the purpose of my writing is supposed to be based on the concentration excersises and recollection excersises i take part in throughout the day. My concentration comes in the juggling act i call daily life.
Recollection: I played basketball at lunch for an hour and a half. I was quite sweaty when we were through. I can remember one time that one of the other players said, "He can't shoot, so he might as well try and get the ball." I thought he was talking about me. He was the man guarding me. Then it occurred to me that he was actually talking about himself. There was an eruption of simultaneous defensive thoughts and embarrassment in my mind directly after the comment, so overwhelming that i could not manifest a witty come-back (i rarely ever do). Then as my insecurities got my gears turning, i realized that he was talking about himself. Immediately i forgave him and returned my thoughts to the game, though i never really let fully go of the comment. For the rest of the game as i missed a shot or a pass, the words came back into my mind momentarily, and i had to replay the situation in my mind followed by the conclusion in order to get my head back in the game.
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I took two of the androplex losenges this morning on my way out of the door. I put them in my mouth and began sucking on them. Slowly the chalky sweetness filled my mouth and i swallowed the juices that came. I longed to taste my coffee. I was debating between the coffee and finishing the losenges in the prescribed "never chew them" fashion. I pulled up to the stop light at Arizona Ave. I looked in the rear view to see if the person behind me was an attractive girl. She was. So i acted like i was not looking at her. I thought about what she was probably thinking about, "What is this guy thinking? Does he think he can stare at me for a while and eventually i will become a part of his life?" The light was taking forever. I broke. I bit down. I chewed the losenges. My first sip of coffee slipped down the back of my throat before the light turned green.
Another day. Immediate gratification. Searching for satisfaction. Waiting for the fucking light to turn green.
I am not sure how i am supposed to write in this thing daily. Don't get me wrong. I like to write, but finding the time to squeeze in rational thought enough to be worthy of posting is not in my schedule. Then the purpose of my writing is supposed to be based on the concentration excersises and recollection excersises i take part in throughout the day. My concentration comes in the juggling act i call daily life.
Recollection: I played basketball at lunch for an hour and a half. I was quite sweaty when we were through. I can remember one time that one of the other players said, "He can't shoot, so he might as well try and get the ball." I thought he was talking about me. He was the man guarding me. Then it occurred to me that he was actually talking about himself. There was an eruption of simultaneous defensive thoughts and embarrassment in my mind directly after the comment, so overwhelming that i could not manifest a witty come-back (i rarely ever do). Then as my insecurities got my gears turning, i realized that he was talking about himself. Immediately i forgave him and returned my thoughts to the game, though i never really let fully go of the comment. For the rest of the game as i missed a shot or a pass, the words came back into my mind momentarily, and i had to replay the situation in my mind followed by the conclusion in order to get my head back in the game.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I took two of the androplex losenges this morning on my way out of the door. I put them in my mouth and began sucking on them. Slowly the chalky sweetness filled my mouth and i swallowed the juices that came. I longed to taste my coffee. I was debating between the coffee and finishing the losenges in the prescribed "never chew them" fashion. I pulled up to the stop light at Arizona Ave. I looked in the rear view to see if the person behind me was an attractive girl. She was. So i acted like i was not looking at her. I thought about what she was probably thinking about, "What is this guy thinking? Does he think he can stare at me for a while and eventually i will become a part of his life?" The light was taking forever. I broke. I bit down. I chewed the losenges. My first sip of coffee slipped down the back of my throat before the light turned green.
Another day. Immediate gratification. Searching for satisfaction. Waiting for the fucking light to turn green.