Fot:CM Chapter two
Title: The First of Three
Fandom: Criminal Minds mostly, crossover with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Parings: Morgan/Reid, Perry/Harry
Disclaimer: I don’t even own dvds for Kiss Kiss Bang and for criminal minds. So no I don’t own anything that will be mention and to cover my ass, I will deny ownership to anything by my own name.
Spoilers: go see Kiss Kiss Bang Bang the movie and all episodes of Criminal Minds before you read this to be safe. I have no idea what I will be saying that would fuck your little world up.
Extra warning: Beware of the long Harry Rant. I couldn’t stop it! GAH! And yeah, a main-ish person dies
Chapter two: the idiot servant
You know, he was capable of doing a lots of things. He was able to pick locks within minutes. He could swipe many items without people notice. Hence all the candy bars and packs of gum in his work desk drawer. He can narrate a story as well, he just tends to forget to mention the importance of things and over talk about a small thing but damn it he can narrate a story. And after a few cases as a detective, he can solve crime a lot better then a certain broad, (fat -ass ), blonde (dye-job) gay man that loves to believe that he is lord over many. So why the fuck was he on a food run, once again and once more driving the YELLOW CLOWN CAR FROM HELL when he knew for sure that Perry was holding a meeting with a new client?
Harry knew that Parry still thought of him as the bumbling New Yorker that could never shut the hell up. So okay, he tended to fall over his shoelaces a few times on his own and yes sometimes he shouldn’t be cooking when his mind was on something else. And it was a known fact that New Yorkers came out of the womb, talking a mile-a-minute. But dammit, its been two years since he started working for the fag. He should have promoted from Gofer to Partner. He wasn’t asking for ‘Harry Lockhart’ to be printed on the cards and on the door. Just to be acknowledge that he was on the same level as Perry Van Strike in this detective business.
The brunet chopped and popped his gum as he sat in the world’s most uncomfortable chair ever in the lobby of Wings to Go, waiting on a stupid tray of buffalo wings and various assortments of dipping sauce. Seriously, did the man really think that he was going to believe that he had a sudden craving for wings and need it right away, but not sending him to the one place just up the road from the large office/home but to the one all the way at the beach so it would take him hours to get home? He may have bad math skills but even he can tell that he was being sent away to avoid being near the client.
Does that mean Perry trust him to be nothing but an embarrassment around other people? Well that was a little mean of him. Harmony, when they weren’t fighting and actually can be labeled as a couple, enjoyed his company when with other people. Perry was not just his boss, but his best friend in this land of sun and fake bodies. He was the only one that hasn’t tried to kill him or harm in anyway. And Harry wouldn’t banished him away from the office or their house when people came over. Or forbid the newest boy toy from the living room like he had done with Harmony just cause he kept walking on them making out.
Speaking of his sometimes girlfriend, she hasn’t called him since the day before yesterday. He should called her up to see if she was over whatever she was mad about last week. Sure it was his fault in forgetting their two year anniversary but seriously, how could he keep up with things like that when they always breaking up and getting back together. Perry just told him once that it would always his fault for keep going back to the same girl every single time.
He just didn’t understand true love. It can’t be all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes there would be some rough patches and they need breaks from each other for a few days. Perry still had the mindset that you keep someone around for sex till a better model came along. That’s why it will him that ends up alone when Harry was with Harmony for good. One of these days. Hopefully.
The snooty little girl with the blue hair and smudge black line eyes called out his number and he balanced the trey and the plastic bag with the little cups of dipping sauce inside on one hand as he tried to locate his keys and mobile phone in one of his pockets. Okay make that in two of his pockets. God he hated this stupid hello kitty keychain. That was another thing he hated the way on how Perry treated him. Seriously, why the fuck would he put this on the keychain for the Yellow car from Hell other then to further humiliate him?
Damn thing was mocking him as it stared up at him with its evil beady little eyes. It was not as bad as the steering wheel cover. It was also hello kitty, but not a bumble-bee suited one. But one that was dressed like a fairy. Oh is that a definition for irony? It just feel like it should be considering who bought it and ordered it to stay on the steering wheel.
He tried to ignore the stupid bee-kitty as he pressed a button then held the black phone against his ear, walking the sidewalk with the many tan and clothing depraved people that choose to come out that day. He whistled a little tune as he waited for the long to pick up. Harry barely escaped a hit and run by a biker. The jerk didn’t have the decency to look back to check if he was all right. That was just plain rude.
“Damn, voicemail. Hey Harmony, Its Harry.” Not like she wouldn’t know it was him with the name popping up in her phone screen but it’s still good to announce yourself. “We need to meet up tonight, let’s say 7:30 at the Pink Flamingo.” Then he pressed the red phone image on the keyboard and dialed for Perry‘s number. It was disconnected after two rings and half.
“Prick. Oughta eat your precious chicken wings.” He pressed for the number again, briefly looking left to right to cross the streets. He had to park a long ways thanks to all of the teenagers skipping school to hang at the beach. Haven’t they learned the meaning of the word ‘Carpool’?
“Harry, I know you know which button to press to unlock the door.” Smartass. Why did he think he was the stupidest man in the world? Just because he had left the milk out on the counter a few times. And forgotten about the expatriation date on it. That was a great night had by all. Perry still writes the date on things like milk and Chinese food leftovers in big red markers.
“Look, Miss thing, I’m just calling if you heard from Harmony at all cause well, you and her do love to bash about me behind my back or in front of me like I’m some dumb monkey that doesn’t understand English and-”
“Despite what you may think, Harry or whatever you call thinking.” Bitch. “Me and Harmony are not BFFs and we don’t do slumber parties where we talk about how stupid Harry is.”
Harry frowned and rolled his big brown eyes as he cut a shortcut through a grassy area, ignoring the waving flags of yellow police tape and uniformed cops that seemed be everywhere. “Yeah yeah, but I’m worried cause even though she gets mad at me for the little things-”
“You got her a twix bar with a ribbon wrapped around it for her when she was fasting for that surgery.”
“Was I the only one that thought that was cute and funny?” He sighed as he regain balanced on the food tray. “ I even said that it was to be her first piece of solid food when she was allow to eat again.”
There was people yelling off in the background, but since he was the loudest place on earth, he was able to tune it out.
“Still you were the only one that thought it was funny.” Perry sighed on the other, paper rusting could also be heard.
“Anyway back to the point, Snippy. She hasn’t talked or been seen by either of us for almost a week and I am worried since after she is my girlfriend.”
“Meaning the only girl you will ever date.” He could hear the eye roll over the line.
“Per-RY!” Anything else that was to be said was forgotten as Harry Lockhart tripped over the hacked up corpse of a strawberry blonde woman. His mobile phone and the buffalo wing platter had slipped out of his hand upon landing and spilled in various direction. The black phone was a good twelve inches away in the freshly water and trimmed grass.
“Oh holy fuck fuck fuck FUCK!” He rolled off the woman, trying to wipe any mess from the dead people from his clothes as he sat on his knees. At least in New York, they have the decency to dump the body in the river or in a dumpster, not in the middle of the goddamn park! Where anyone can just trip over it at any given time and break their necks.
Then a series of guns safeties being clicked off around his head forced his body due to pure instincts to pull his hands up behind his head and his mouth to open. “ I seriously did nothing wrong here and I want my lawyer.” He didn’t know who his lawyer was but he still wanted the guy.
Perry was seriously going to kill him. Or do something worse to his body. Like introduce a pink Barbie shirt as the new dress wear for the agency.
-----------------------------
Five members of the BAU stood outside the window, watching a Mister Harry Lockhart finger-tap on the metal cuffs around his wrists, waiting on someone to interview him about the dead woman in the park. He was suspicious-looking and the immediately asking of his lawyer and the way he ignored the yelling of both the FBI and the local police caused some alarms. That and he was the last one to have spoken to the victim.
“He looks almost childlike, just waiting there.” Reid spoke, becoming interested in the man. Morgan raised a dark eyebrow at his co-worker.
“He looks like he may be slow in the head, Reid.” Just as the childlike man started to toy with the handcuffs and had them tossed across the table. Now he was playing a game on his phone. He was able to grab it before the arresting officers grabbed him and slapped the cuffs.
“Amazing, he did that in under a minute.” The thin doctor looked on in awe. “Clearly he isn’t that slow in the head.” He smiled cheekily at the bigger man.
“He was a thief back in New York before taking up residence here in LA, Reid. I think he would be able to lock-picked his way out of a bank if he chooses.” Prentiss cut in with a quip of her own.
Hotch and Rossi were off to the side, just studying the man in question as the other three traded their own insights about Mister Lockhart. Hotch held in his hands the file of a Miss Harmony Faith Lane, the dead woman that was found in the park only a few hours ago.
“He doesn’t come off as a man that could commit these types of murders. But yet, he doesn’t seem fazed by the fact he had tripped over a body of a dead girl. Much less his own girlfriend.” David Rossi chirped in finally.
“Reid.” The brown-eyed agent looked over to Hotch as he called out his name, waiting on his words. “You go in and talk to him, on your own.” Morgan looked over at the other agent with a wondering look on his caramel face.
Reid nodded and worked his way inside the room, shutting the door softly before sitting in front of the suspect who was still clicking away on his phone.
“Good Afternoon, Mister Lockhart. I’m SSA Doctor Spencer Reid of the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI and-”
“Hey loock, High score! Beat my record!” Reid jumped slightly when the man shoved his phone at him, smiling proudly at the set of recorded scores for the mobile phone version of Bejewled. Spencer himself had this on his computer back in Quantico for times when the paperwork was getting to him and needed to relax. But none of the others choose to believe that the genius actually did anything but typing out pages on the machine. It didn’t fit his profile of genius.
“Wow that is a high score. I’m just a few numbers higher of that back on my computer.” He couldn’t help but smile right back at the man. It was like when a child smiled and you just cant help but smiled back.
Harry went back to fiddling with his phone as Reid tried again to talk to the man. “Now Mister-”
“Harry.” He spoke up, looking up with another smile. Again Reid was unable to not smile back. Back behind the mirror in the grey room. Morgan was frowning and narrowing his dark eyes at the scene that was talking place.
“Harry. I’m here with my team from Quantico to help the local officers to put together a suspect profile for this recent case of murdered people and seeing how you tripped over the corpse of Miss Harmony-”
“That wasn’t Harmony!?!” Suddenly Harry Lockhart went from childlike to rage as he jumped up out his chair, knocking it off of its feet and slammed his hands on the table. “ I didn’t just trip over Harmony’s dead body and spilled buffalo wings all over it!”
The door leading out of the room was slammed open as Morgan was quick to push an enraged Harry away from a startled Reid. “Okay man, back up back up.” He kept his hands out and up just so if he need to push the suspect back once again.
Once again, Morgan jumped to his rescue and showing that he thinks little doctor Reid couldn’t defend himself. Just cause he was thinner then most people, didn’t mean he couldn’t hold his own if need to. And Harry wasn’t going to attack him, at least he thought he wasn’t.
“And I would like for you to step away from the idiot.” A rich voice came from behind the two agents. They both turned to see a thick blonde man wearing a stylish grey suit with black high neck shirt standing in the doorway.
Harry whined and gripped the back of his head with his hands and turned to face the wall. Not really wanting to see his employer and friend giving him that ‘what did you do again’ look that he must have the copyrights for.
“Hey Perry.”
Fandom: Criminal Minds mostly, crossover with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Parings: Morgan/Reid, Perry/Harry
Disclaimer: I don’t even own dvds for Kiss Kiss Bang and for criminal minds. So no I don’t own anything that will be mention and to cover my ass, I will deny ownership to anything by my own name.
Spoilers: go see Kiss Kiss Bang Bang the movie and all episodes of Criminal Minds before you read this to be safe. I have no idea what I will be saying that would fuck your little world up.
Extra warning: Beware of the long Harry Rant. I couldn’t stop it! GAH! And yeah, a main-ish person dies
Chapter two: the idiot servant
You know, he was capable of doing a lots of things. He was able to pick locks within minutes. He could swipe many items without people notice. Hence all the candy bars and packs of gum in his work desk drawer. He can narrate a story as well, he just tends to forget to mention the importance of things and over talk about a small thing but damn it he can narrate a story. And after a few cases as a detective, he can solve crime a lot better then a certain broad, (fat -ass ), blonde (dye-job) gay man that loves to believe that he is lord over many. So why the fuck was he on a food run, once again and once more driving the YELLOW CLOWN CAR FROM HELL when he knew for sure that Perry was holding a meeting with a new client?
Harry knew that Parry still thought of him as the bumbling New Yorker that could never shut the hell up. So okay, he tended to fall over his shoelaces a few times on his own and yes sometimes he shouldn’t be cooking when his mind was on something else. And it was a known fact that New Yorkers came out of the womb, talking a mile-a-minute. But dammit, its been two years since he started working for the fag. He should have promoted from Gofer to Partner. He wasn’t asking for ‘Harry Lockhart’ to be printed on the cards and on the door. Just to be acknowledge that he was on the same level as Perry Van Strike in this detective business.
The brunet chopped and popped his gum as he sat in the world’s most uncomfortable chair ever in the lobby of Wings to Go, waiting on a stupid tray of buffalo wings and various assortments of dipping sauce. Seriously, did the man really think that he was going to believe that he had a sudden craving for wings and need it right away, but not sending him to the one place just up the road from the large office/home but to the one all the way at the beach so it would take him hours to get home? He may have bad math skills but even he can tell that he was being sent away to avoid being near the client.
Does that mean Perry trust him to be nothing but an embarrassment around other people? Well that was a little mean of him. Harmony, when they weren’t fighting and actually can be labeled as a couple, enjoyed his company when with other people. Perry was not just his boss, but his best friend in this land of sun and fake bodies. He was the only one that hasn’t tried to kill him or harm in anyway. And Harry wouldn’t banished him away from the office or their house when people came over. Or forbid the newest boy toy from the living room like he had done with Harmony just cause he kept walking on them making out.
Speaking of his sometimes girlfriend, she hasn’t called him since the day before yesterday. He should called her up to see if she was over whatever she was mad about last week. Sure it was his fault in forgetting their two year anniversary but seriously, how could he keep up with things like that when they always breaking up and getting back together. Perry just told him once that it would always his fault for keep going back to the same girl every single time.
He just didn’t understand true love. It can’t be all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes there would be some rough patches and they need breaks from each other for a few days. Perry still had the mindset that you keep someone around for sex till a better model came along. That’s why it will him that ends up alone when Harry was with Harmony for good. One of these days. Hopefully.
The snooty little girl with the blue hair and smudge black line eyes called out his number and he balanced the trey and the plastic bag with the little cups of dipping sauce inside on one hand as he tried to locate his keys and mobile phone in one of his pockets. Okay make that in two of his pockets. God he hated this stupid hello kitty keychain. That was another thing he hated the way on how Perry treated him. Seriously, why the fuck would he put this on the keychain for the Yellow car from Hell other then to further humiliate him?
Damn thing was mocking him as it stared up at him with its evil beady little eyes. It was not as bad as the steering wheel cover. It was also hello kitty, but not a bumble-bee suited one. But one that was dressed like a fairy. Oh is that a definition for irony? It just feel like it should be considering who bought it and ordered it to stay on the steering wheel.
He tried to ignore the stupid bee-kitty as he pressed a button then held the black phone against his ear, walking the sidewalk with the many tan and clothing depraved people that choose to come out that day. He whistled a little tune as he waited for the long to pick up. Harry barely escaped a hit and run by a biker. The jerk didn’t have the decency to look back to check if he was all right. That was just plain rude.
“Damn, voicemail. Hey Harmony, Its Harry.” Not like she wouldn’t know it was him with the name popping up in her phone screen but it’s still good to announce yourself. “We need to meet up tonight, let’s say 7:30 at the Pink Flamingo.” Then he pressed the red phone image on the keyboard and dialed for Perry‘s number. It was disconnected after two rings and half.
“Prick. Oughta eat your precious chicken wings.” He pressed for the number again, briefly looking left to right to cross the streets. He had to park a long ways thanks to all of the teenagers skipping school to hang at the beach. Haven’t they learned the meaning of the word ‘Carpool’?
“Harry, I know you know which button to press to unlock the door.” Smartass. Why did he think he was the stupidest man in the world? Just because he had left the milk out on the counter a few times. And forgotten about the expatriation date on it. That was a great night had by all. Perry still writes the date on things like milk and Chinese food leftovers in big red markers.
“Look, Miss thing, I’m just calling if you heard from Harmony at all cause well, you and her do love to bash about me behind my back or in front of me like I’m some dumb monkey that doesn’t understand English and-”
“Despite what you may think, Harry or whatever you call thinking.” Bitch. “Me and Harmony are not BFFs and we don’t do slumber parties where we talk about how stupid Harry is.”
Harry frowned and rolled his big brown eyes as he cut a shortcut through a grassy area, ignoring the waving flags of yellow police tape and uniformed cops that seemed be everywhere. “Yeah yeah, but I’m worried cause even though she gets mad at me for the little things-”
“You got her a twix bar with a ribbon wrapped around it for her when she was fasting for that surgery.”
“Was I the only one that thought that was cute and funny?” He sighed as he regain balanced on the food tray. “ I even said that it was to be her first piece of solid food when she was allow to eat again.”
There was people yelling off in the background, but since he was the loudest place on earth, he was able to tune it out.
“Still you were the only one that thought it was funny.” Perry sighed on the other, paper rusting could also be heard.
“Anyway back to the point, Snippy. She hasn’t talked or been seen by either of us for almost a week and I am worried since after she is my girlfriend.”
“Meaning the only girl you will ever date.” He could hear the eye roll over the line.
“Per-RY!” Anything else that was to be said was forgotten as Harry Lockhart tripped over the hacked up corpse of a strawberry blonde woman. His mobile phone and the buffalo wing platter had slipped out of his hand upon landing and spilled in various direction. The black phone was a good twelve inches away in the freshly water and trimmed grass.
“Oh holy fuck fuck fuck FUCK!” He rolled off the woman, trying to wipe any mess from the dead people from his clothes as he sat on his knees. At least in New York, they have the decency to dump the body in the river or in a dumpster, not in the middle of the goddamn park! Where anyone can just trip over it at any given time and break their necks.
Then a series of guns safeties being clicked off around his head forced his body due to pure instincts to pull his hands up behind his head and his mouth to open. “ I seriously did nothing wrong here and I want my lawyer.” He didn’t know who his lawyer was but he still wanted the guy.
Perry was seriously going to kill him. Or do something worse to his body. Like introduce a pink Barbie shirt as the new dress wear for the agency.
-----------------------------
Five members of the BAU stood outside the window, watching a Mister Harry Lockhart finger-tap on the metal cuffs around his wrists, waiting on someone to interview him about the dead woman in the park. He was suspicious-looking and the immediately asking of his lawyer and the way he ignored the yelling of both the FBI and the local police caused some alarms. That and he was the last one to have spoken to the victim.
“He looks almost childlike, just waiting there.” Reid spoke, becoming interested in the man. Morgan raised a dark eyebrow at his co-worker.
“He looks like he may be slow in the head, Reid.” Just as the childlike man started to toy with the handcuffs and had them tossed across the table. Now he was playing a game on his phone. He was able to grab it before the arresting officers grabbed him and slapped the cuffs.
“Amazing, he did that in under a minute.” The thin doctor looked on in awe. “Clearly he isn’t that slow in the head.” He smiled cheekily at the bigger man.
“He was a thief back in New York before taking up residence here in LA, Reid. I think he would be able to lock-picked his way out of a bank if he chooses.” Prentiss cut in with a quip of her own.
Hotch and Rossi were off to the side, just studying the man in question as the other three traded their own insights about Mister Lockhart. Hotch held in his hands the file of a Miss Harmony Faith Lane, the dead woman that was found in the park only a few hours ago.
“He doesn’t come off as a man that could commit these types of murders. But yet, he doesn’t seem fazed by the fact he had tripped over a body of a dead girl. Much less his own girlfriend.” David Rossi chirped in finally.
“Reid.” The brown-eyed agent looked over to Hotch as he called out his name, waiting on his words. “You go in and talk to him, on your own.” Morgan looked over at the other agent with a wondering look on his caramel face.
Reid nodded and worked his way inside the room, shutting the door softly before sitting in front of the suspect who was still clicking away on his phone.
“Good Afternoon, Mister Lockhart. I’m SSA Doctor Spencer Reid of the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI and-”
“Hey loock, High score! Beat my record!” Reid jumped slightly when the man shoved his phone at him, smiling proudly at the set of recorded scores for the mobile phone version of Bejewled. Spencer himself had this on his computer back in Quantico for times when the paperwork was getting to him and needed to relax. But none of the others choose to believe that the genius actually did anything but typing out pages on the machine. It didn’t fit his profile of genius.
“Wow that is a high score. I’m just a few numbers higher of that back on my computer.” He couldn’t help but smile right back at the man. It was like when a child smiled and you just cant help but smiled back.
Harry went back to fiddling with his phone as Reid tried again to talk to the man. “Now Mister-”
“Harry.” He spoke up, looking up with another smile. Again Reid was unable to not smile back. Back behind the mirror in the grey room. Morgan was frowning and narrowing his dark eyes at the scene that was talking place.
“Harry. I’m here with my team from Quantico to help the local officers to put together a suspect profile for this recent case of murdered people and seeing how you tripped over the corpse of Miss Harmony-”
“That wasn’t Harmony!?!” Suddenly Harry Lockhart went from childlike to rage as he jumped up out his chair, knocking it off of its feet and slammed his hands on the table. “ I didn’t just trip over Harmony’s dead body and spilled buffalo wings all over it!”
The door leading out of the room was slammed open as Morgan was quick to push an enraged Harry away from a startled Reid. “Okay man, back up back up.” He kept his hands out and up just so if he need to push the suspect back once again.
Once again, Morgan jumped to his rescue and showing that he thinks little doctor Reid couldn’t defend himself. Just cause he was thinner then most people, didn’t mean he couldn’t hold his own if need to. And Harry wasn’t going to attack him, at least he thought he wasn’t.
“And I would like for you to step away from the idiot.” A rich voice came from behind the two agents. They both turned to see a thick blonde man wearing a stylish grey suit with black high neck shirt standing in the doorway.
Harry whined and gripped the back of his head with his hands and turned to face the wall. Not really wanting to see his employer and friend giving him that ‘what did you do again’ look that he must have the copyrights for.
“Hey Perry.”