Children?
No - before anyone starts screaming in terror or squeeing at me, let me say - I am not preggers. Anyways, I suspect it's a product of the chemical hind brain maternal instincts screaming at me - that I no longer am vehimenantly against having a child. Very strange to hear me say those of you who actually know me. I also suspect it's a product of too much alone time - and the fact that I'm once again delving into my geneology. Humans, we want to know where we come from, we seem to want immortality through our children (this is not to say that the mothers I know are just hormone driven breeders!). I also suspect that I'm spending too much time trying to fill my time so I am not alone with my thoughts with stories, and movies - and a common theme among them is a lost dynasty, a lost way of life. Perhaps all I will leave in this world is myself, my ashes, and in the memory of those younger than I.
I find this bleak thinking, what legacy will I leave behind....? Am I so spectacular that people will remember me when I am gone, that T will, Scarlett or Korray will remember me when they grow old with perhaps children of their own, and tell them of their crazy 'auntie' Misty who liked playing video games, or who ate rice with them on a roof, or dyed their hair purple when they were young.
I think it's honestly a cummulation of too much time on my hands tinged with depression, and the evident lack of 'getting' anywhere with my life according to this societies rules.
I had a discussion with Michael when I went to visit my Wondertwin in portland earlier in the month - it is a matter of whose rules will you play by? Your own, or societies rules? Who is to say or not to say that my ideas are not worthy of living beyond me... how dare I make that assumption for another? I think humans, least now have a bit of a god complex in us. We want to be remembered... when we die we do not want to be forgotton. While I am not afraid to grow old, I find myself at least temporarily afraid that I will be forgotton. It is an old fear.
And how did this meandering come from the thought of children... just that I find myself more aware of the biological clock that ticks away though the reasoning for the urge is long since gone.... children are not needed to continue to hunt and gather when we are too old and lame (though children to put you in a nice rest home is always nice, but not a responsibility I would want to lay on them). The health of the tribe, or cave or community of people is no longer dependent upon the production of children regardless of liniage. The society I live in at least does not need it to clearly (or not so clearly in history) let me know that the family that rules me will continue to be in power. It is by todays standards a rather stupid ineffectual urging. Yet we still have it.
No, I'm not drinking - just waxing philisophical in a late hour.
*let me just reiderate, responsible adults who have children - are not me - these are MY THOUGHTS
I find this bleak thinking, what legacy will I leave behind....? Am I so spectacular that people will remember me when I am gone, that T will, Scarlett or Korray will remember me when they grow old with perhaps children of their own, and tell them of their crazy 'auntie' Misty who liked playing video games, or who ate rice with them on a roof, or dyed their hair purple when they were young.
I think it's honestly a cummulation of too much time on my hands tinged with depression, and the evident lack of 'getting' anywhere with my life according to this societies rules.
I had a discussion with Michael when I went to visit my Wondertwin in portland earlier in the month - it is a matter of whose rules will you play by? Your own, or societies rules? Who is to say or not to say that my ideas are not worthy of living beyond me... how dare I make that assumption for another? I think humans, least now have a bit of a god complex in us. We want to be remembered... when we die we do not want to be forgotton. While I am not afraid to grow old, I find myself at least temporarily afraid that I will be forgotton. It is an old fear.
And how did this meandering come from the thought of children... just that I find myself more aware of the biological clock that ticks away though the reasoning for the urge is long since gone.... children are not needed to continue to hunt and gather when we are too old and lame (though children to put you in a nice rest home is always nice, but not a responsibility I would want to lay on them). The health of the tribe, or cave or community of people is no longer dependent upon the production of children regardless of liniage. The society I live in at least does not need it to clearly (or not so clearly in history) let me know that the family that rules me will continue to be in power. It is by todays standards a rather stupid ineffectual urging. Yet we still have it.
No, I'm not drinking - just waxing philisophical in a late hour.
*let me just reiderate, responsible adults who have children - are not me - these are MY THOUGHTS