"I thought he was a man, but he was just a little boy..."

[violetcoil]

In retrospect, I think that I just didn't want to spend another summer's worth of nights alone and I allowed that to cloud my judgement. Because honestly, I did know better. When someone isn't right for you, you can Feel it. But I wanted to be wrong, I always want to be wrong. So I ignored my instincts as long as I could and when I couldn't do that any more, I ended it. The signs were always there, I just didn't want to see. It's all too easy to be blind to facts when you don't want them to be true. Because we all want things to work out, to believe that they can work out...but the way that things have played out since I broke up with him have served to galvanize everything I tried not to notice or focus on. His continued behaviour just proves that it was a mistake to get involved with him in the first place. He wasn't ready. He wasn't mature enough and he's still not. And I couldn't bear what I was becoming because of being with him. I didn't feel like myself around him. I was losing myself and my Light...

And maybe that's all I was supposed to learn from this: Don't be so god-damned nice and accepting. Don't lose myself. Don't date babies. Particularly Un-Lit ones who have no idea who they are, what they want or what they believe in. And again, these are all things that I should bloody well know by now...