Net Flotsam and Email Jetsom
Great minds think alike, but insanity speaks all languages.
Even my therapist says it's all your f #?*&% fault.
When you've seen a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists. -attributed to Stephen Fry
I think animal testing is cruel. They get nervous and get all the answers wrong. -attributed to Stephen Fry
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit afire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. Afterabout an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of thetime, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.